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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Hayom Yom 3877 Views

Re: Hayom Yom 12 Jan 2021 21:44 #361175

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Thank you so much for your chizuk anonymousmillenial, it really means a lot to me and you hit several nails on the head.

And underneath it all perhaps the fear that I will be one of those left behind, never to get married. One of those sob stories where people said years of tehilim for my name etc etc

I have the same exact fear...perhaps irrational, who knows...

[Although I do try to keep in touch with both my single (sometimes younger) and my married friends (even though it truly is never the same after they're married.)]

So true...so true.

The loneliness is a real killer. Oh how I want to settle down. Move out of the Yeshiva dorm (and my parents' house for the matter) and have my own place. To have a wife, a rock, someone to lean on and share my feelings with, someone to encourage me, and someone to grow with together.

I'll keep your suggestions in mind and strengthen my bitachon that this is all from Hashem. Thank you again.

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 04:49 #361203

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Another day down B”H. 
I know this violates ODAAT and 

Today! Damn it! Today!


but I kind of feel that B”H I’m doing okay now but I’m just waiting like a ticking bomb for an urge and then what? Honestly, I started posting again to keep safe from porn when I went home and had access to unfiltered devices but now, mainly due to Grant’s phenomenal story, I want to really work on quitting masturbating and this entire mindset. HHM has been telling me for literally years the same thing but, for a single guy, telling us is one thing. Illustrating like Grant did is another. I don’t want to be Moe. But if I don’t change I may very well be him. 
I need a plan, don’t I? Or is it just to white knuckle through the urges and by doing that I’ll be rewiring my brain?

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 05:09 #361208

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White knuckling can get you through the urge but it's not a long term solution. It will not take away the habit.

But, you should think about the times that you did white knuckle through it and notice that you don't need it. It's just an extra 'luxury' which comes at with a huge price tag(s).
There is a lot to learn from a battle that you won.

You have been doing really well. How?
What has been your motivation till now?
Based on that you can plan how you will get past this whole 'having it at the front of your mind obsession' and not need to white knuckle very often if at all

Hatzlocho 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
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Last Edit: 13 Jan 2021 05:11 by starting.

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 05:52 #361215

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starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 05:09:
You have been doing really well. How?

I haven’t really been trying that hard until now with regard to masturbating. I mainly tried staying away from porn. Overcoming an urge to masturbate was an extra. 


What has been your motivation till now?

This is assur. And marriage. I want to get married. I want to have a healthy, enjoyable, kosher marriage.  

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 06:29 #361219

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Moe is showing us that when someone craves lust they get to that point where, without realising it they are desperately looking for an outlet. 

'I just want to feast my eyes on chani and hear her voice' etc

We have to realise that we have something that we can do for the wife as a climax to a relaxing enjoyable evening if and when she wants it. 

It takes a lot of rewiring to see ejaculation as something that I don't need and I won't do-unless I'm doing to bring myself closer to my wife. When she wants it. 

And a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage is only possible when you are thinking of what will make your wife happy.
Not what will make you happy. Not what will give you an outlet, a release. Not what you want should make her happy. 
It has to be truly an act of giving, of thinking of her only, of making her feel loved and close to you. 

Moe has a lot of work ahead. 
He can't just give up that phone relationship and pornography. 
He has to stop looking for outlets for his desires. Stop seeking his own pleasure. And start having a loving relationship with his wife. A giving relationship. Loving her as a person. As his wife. 
Only then can he start living. Have a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 06:39 #361221

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starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:29:
Moe is showing us that when someone craves lust they get to that point where, without realising it they are desperately looking for an outlet. 

'I just want to feast my eyes on chani and hear her voice' etc

We have to realise that we have something that we can do for the wife as a climax to a relaxing enjoyable evening if and when she wants it. 

It takes a lot of rewiring to see ejaculation as something that I don't need and I won't do-unless I'm doing to bring myself closer to my wife. When she wants it. 

And a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage is only possible when you are thinking of what will make your wife happy.
Not what will make you happy. Not what will give you an outlet, a release. Not what you want should make her happy. 
It has to be truly an act of giving, of thinking of her only, of making her feel loved and close to you. 

Moe has a lot of work ahead. 
He can't just give up that phone relationship and pornography. 
He has to stop looking for outlets for his desires. Stop seeking his own pleasure. And start having a loving relationship with his wife. A giving relationship. Loving her as a person. As his wife. 
Only then can he start living. Have a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage. 

I have no idea what the rest of story is teaching us I'm sure it's very mystical and will explained in due course. 

The peanut butter section should probably be explained k'pshuto
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 07:00 #361223

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starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:39:
I have no idea what the rest of story is teaching us I'm sure it's very mystical and will explained in due course. 

The peanut butter section should probably be explained k'pshuto


Seriously though, thanks for your post. 

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 18:20 #361244

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I am going home tomorrow for Shabbos. I need to prepare. 
HELP!

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Jan 2021 21:44 #361266

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BHYY wrote on 13 Jan 2021 18:20:
I am going home tomorrow for Shabbos. I need to prepare. 
HELP!

The first (and best) thing you should do (as always) is daven. Daven that the Gedarim should work and that you should not break them. Daven that you should not see anything bad, even be’ones. Daven that you should not have nisyonos that are difficult to overcome. Daven that you should succeed in any Nisayon that may come your way. 

We will all be davening for you as well!
Keep strong and keep us posted.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
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Re: Hayom Yom 14 Jan 2021 00:58 #361283

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starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:29:
Moe is showing us that when someone craves lust they get to that point where, without realising it they are desperately looking for an outlet. 

'I just want to feast my eyes on chani and hear her voice' etc

We have to realise that we have something that we can do for the wife as a climax to a relaxing enjoyable evening if and when she wants it. 

It takes a lot of rewiring to see ejaculation as something that I don't need and I won't do-unless I'm doing to bring myself closer to my wife. When she wants it. 

And a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage is only possible when you are thinking of what will make your wife happy.
Not what will make you happy. Not what will give you an outlet, a release. Not what you want should make her happy. 
It has to be truly an act of giving, of thinking of her only, of making her feel loved and close to you. 

Moe has a lot of work ahead. 
He can't just give up that phone relationship and pornography. 
He has to stop looking for outlets for his desires. Stop seeking his own pleasure. And start having a loving relationship with his wife. A giving relationship. Loving her as a person. As his wife. 
Only then can he start living. Have a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage. 

Just thought I'd share.

I heard today in a Shiur from R' Chaim Eisenstein shlit"a (on torah anytime, one of his shalom bayit classes) that someone once came to Reb Yisroel Salanter Zt"l saying that he bought his wife a gift and she didn't appreciate it. So Reb Yisroel Salanter asked him, Did you buy your wife a gift, or yourself a gift?!

Sometimes, we think we are doing it for the wife, when really we are selfish.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Hayom Yom 14 Jan 2021 04:03 #361296

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I spoke to the head of the filter company for a while about fixing the loophole I found. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there is anything they can do (I suggested a few things but they wouldn't work). My only option was to install WebChaver in addition so random screenshots are being taken of my screen and being sent to my Rebbe and a GYE chaver. I am hoping this will dissuade me from doing anything bad.
Unfortuantely, having the two programs running has made my computer very slow. I know this is for my benefit and in the long run it will be worth it but for a computer guy this is rough. I work in IT and just got this shiny new fast computer...which is now slow. Ah well, worth it if it helps me move forward from lust. Gotta keep my eyes on the prize...a life free of shmutz.

Re: Hayom Yom 14 Jan 2021 15:37 #361318

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My plan for Shabbos:
  1. Daven
  2. I won’t even touch an unfiltered device.
  3. Post here at least once a day to update on my status (vchol hamarbeh harei zeh meshubach...)
  4.  Daven some more

Re: Hayom Yom 14 Jan 2021 22:53 #361335

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I'm home now.
Bez"H it should be a clean Shabbos.

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Jan 2021 18:29 #361397

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YES!!!!!!
I went to the barber this morning and he always has the TV going. Always a game show at that time and I usually watch along (it's a barber's waiting area...what are you supposed to do??) But I joined YESOD for Shovavim and wanted no extra triggers while I'm home this Shabbos. It wasn't easy but I went in and sat down, pulled out my phone and opened Uvlechtecha Baderech and did Shnayim Mikra.
These eyes didn't see a game show, no hosts, no contestants, no models. These eyes are clean!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Jan 2021 20:33 #361403

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BHYY wrote on 15 Jan 2021 18:29:
YES!!!!!!
I went to the barber this morning and he always has the TV going. Always a game show at that time and I usually watch along (it's a barber's waiting area...what are you supposed to do??) But I joined YESOD for Shovavim and wanted no extra triggers while I'm home this Shabbos. It wasn't easy but I went in and sat down, pulled out my phone and opened Uvlechtecha Baderech and did Shnayim Mikra.
These eyes didn't see a game show, no hosts, no contestants, no models. These eyes are clean!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     
I can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com
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