I’m excited to embark on my journey to 90 days. I’m having a hard time staying clean for more than a week. Haven’t really been 100% sure I really want to stop, and therefore I have a weak resolve and faulty 
My plan is a daily post over here, content restrictions. I’m trying to formulate a taphsic-style deterrent without an actual שבועה. Please post any suggestions you might have in that regard.

I’m also going to try be in touch with accountability partners.

My current goal is 2 weeks clean. Will see what happens next.

Wish me luck!

A good way to make a concrete decision that you do actually want to stop in your heart is to write down all your values on a paper. Once that is done mark the top five. Rereading that paper is powerful. 
See the section of the forum discussing SMART method 

OivedElokim wrote on 11 May 2020 03:15:

Wishing you GOOD LUCK! We're in it together with the help of Hashem! 

Today is day 7!

Whats been working so far:
Filling up a daily schedule with various activities from learning to cardio etc.
I didn’t have any serious urges this week.
Shabbos has always been the hardest day for me to avoid הוצאת ז״ל. Hopefully I’ll stay busy with enough to overcome the hurdle...

A gut shabbos 

II relate very strongly to this thread.

I'm rooting for you!

Cant wait to hear more good news!

Wow. I made it!

Was very occupied over shabbos with other things. Didn’t have much time to act out. Had one urge right when I woke up, but it was fairly easy to overcome.



Things are looking good...

YEAH! SMASHING IT!!!

Hi friends.

Ive been falling every few days now.

I know what it will take for me to stop:

accountability and consequences-הא בהא תליא
now I’m having trouble with accountability because I keep accepting partners that don’t contact me or respond to my emails. I probably could try harder to reach out, so maybe I’m playing the blame game. In any case...
That means that I have nobody to run my quasi-taphsic plan by, which in turn causes me to procrastinate about implementing it. And without the guardrails, there’s no pain in veering off the road.

if you feel like you can advise me please  post here or pm me.

OivedElokim wrote on 10 Jun 2020 04:00:

True accountability is with someone that you know in person.
Simply telling over our feelings and thoughts to a friend or mentor, has tremendous power to help us break the insidious power of the addiction. As the Tzetel Katan of the great Chassidic master, R' Elimelech of Lizentzk states:

One should relate before one's teacher, who instructs him in the way of HaShem, or even before a good friend, all of one's thoughts that are contrary to the Holy Torah that the Yetzer HaRah causes to arise in his mind or heart… And one should not withhold anything because of shame. He will find that by relating these things, he will gain the power to break the strength of the Yetzer HaRah so that it will no longer be able to overcome him other times. This is in addition to the good advice that he will receive from his friend in the ways of Hashem. And this is a wonderful remedy.

We see from the above, that simply relating ones struggles to a friend or mentor has the power to break the strength of the Yetzer Hara.

Try to find a close friend or a Rabbi that you respect, to whom you can confide about your struggles. And even more importantly, we need to make sure to keep in touch with them about our progress and give them honest updates every few days. Obviously for this to work properly, we must remain completely honest and open with our accountability partners, at all cost. If we fall, the shame we will feel in reporting it will be atonement in itself, as well as providing a strong incentive to remain clean next time.

Hey guys. I just got back on GYE and updated my tracker. I’ve been clean for over 90 days. It was much easier then I thought it would be...
I just need to make it through this bein hazmanim and I think I can keep this up for a very long time...

OivedElokim wrote on 17 Aug 2020 16:47:

mazol tov!

It feels great to finally get a GYE email for hitting 90 days...


These last 90 days felt strangely easy. The only tools I used was a Tapshic style urge delay plan which I emailed to one of my partners but rarely read and never needed to use. So I guess I can attribute my success to staying very busy in the yeshiva I was in and taking on as much responsibilities as possible-whether bein Adam lamakom or bein Adam l’chaveroi.

OivedElokim wrote on 17 Aug 2020 16:47:

Wow! 

It’s Day 99.
I feel like I’m loosing my motivation though, even though it’s getting easier...

After 105 days clean, I fell. 

Some thoughts.
I convinced myself that I need to act out, to get some sort of release. It took a second after I gave in for the horrible feeling to set in again. It’s never worth it. I barely felt any pleasure. Totally pointless.

I had an urge delay plan, but I was so set on acting out that I full filled the conditions in order to do so with minimal consequences...

I am committed to strengthening my defenses and to never let my guard down. I hope HaShem recognizes that I’m trying, and hopefully I’ll have a better end to my Elul and beyond...