Hashem Help Me wrote on 01 Dec 2021 11:54:

Good point. I'm replacing it mostly with music lol. Also just sitting with the discomfort. Like I know vaping was filling up something, but basically I'd rather have that pain than some of vaping's negative side effects. Exercise is probably a great idea, but I'm lazy/I don't have a convenient way to do exercise... I suppose I can always just take a walk. Anyways, thanks for reminder!

Starting a new streak today. So.... Day 1:  OK day today BH.  One of the downsides of masturbation for me is that sometimes I feel so unlovable afterwards.  I saw someone write that masturbation sometimes is an effort at self love when one is feeling rejected or disappointed with oneself. 

The trouble is though that it doesn't work, because we can't really give ourselves that affirmation.  The writer asserted that we need to get that affirmation from Hashem or other people.  I don't he was  saying that we should always be dependent on other people for our feelings of self worth, but rather that ultimately everyone craves that affirmation, and we need something outside or ourselves to fully satisfy that need, Hashem or others. 

Anyways, sometimes life is tough and things seem dark.  That's what I feel right now.  But BH, I know from experience that just because it's dark now it doesn't mean that things won't get better, even very soon.  Rarely in life are there things that are constantly amazing, without any  difficulty whatsoever.  For example, I think most people would agree that even the best relationships can have some tough moments. 

Ok, enough rambling for one night.  Wishing everyone and myself success in this journey.  I'll try and post for the next 30 days iyh.  Thanks for listening, be well. 

Thanks for posting. You touched on some very deep concepts. You are not alone in this and we all have been in that dark place. Sometimes when I was struggling I was still able to focus on certain tefilos That I felt related to me. Such as harofeh lshvurei lev…. If not I just had in mind that Hashem should help me be able to connect again because right now I feel so disconnected.

Try to look for and recognize the small wins that you do have in your life. Today’s daily boost really highlighted that.

Wishing you great success.

Day 2 & 3:  Pretty good day yesterday and today so far BH.  I think what is very important for me in controlling urges is to be comfortable with who I am in the moment, even though I know and strive to grow in many areas.  I think for me (and I doubt I'm alone in this) urges become very strong when I judge myself very harshly and question my overall capacity to be competent and accomplish things.  Because we all know ourselves so well, including intimate knowledge of our faults, it's very easy to criticize oneself.  However, I'm trying to take a more objective and kinder approach.  Taking this approach really saves me from many strong urges. 

Another benefit of this approach is that I will tend to do things that are important best as I can, even if I can't do it fully.  This is because I'm not in denial about such a situation occurring, but rather accept it and then try to make the best of it.  For example, if I'm running late, I'll daven the best I can, rather than just be upset at the less than ideal situation and giving up.  I don't feel I articulated this well, but selfishly, I'm really only writing for myself anyway   However, if it is useful to someone else, even better! 

Have a great day!

Day 4: Okay day so far, BH.  Struggling with having a good morning routine/making it to minyan.  There are so many things in life that need to get done and it can be hard sometimes to devote energy and time to everything.  I wish somewhat that I could share some things about my day with specificity, I'm not talking about deeply personal things, just mundane.  However, being that this is a public forum, one must be smart.  Anyways, I think my takeaway for today is that things are never lost, even after a fall... I can always get back up and keep trucking with Hashem's help.  Ok, now I've got to get back to work.  Have a great day y'all!

Days 5 & 6: Nice shabbos BH.  Finished reading the Battle of the Generation over shabbos.  It is a good book overall and I would definitely recommend.  One interesting thing from the book... The idea that we need to take our self image into our own hands and not rely on others for our opinions about ourselves... Also, that self-consciousness mostly exists when we don't like ourselves because we think others would have a low opinion about us if they knew eveything about us.  Interesting stuff.  Anyways, going to head to bed soon.  Have a great week y'all!

Day 7: Had a slip last night.  Was tempted to just give in completely, but decided not too.  I figured that I should not take an all or nothing approach.  So anyways, didn't have the most amazing day or anything today, but it was OK, bh, and I got some work done.  Tomorrow I have a long day of work... Hmm... I think being able to keep going even when everything isn't perfect is a very important skill, in this area and in other areas in life.  Rarely is our execution of any task perfect. OK, enough for today.  I'm going to daven maariv and eat supper, then maybe I'll do some more work.  Trying to focus on the good that I held back from falling last night.  Ok, enough rambling for one day.  Have a good night!  

It’s definitely not all or nothing! We were not created as perfect people. Keep up the struggle and it will be worth it.

Day 9: Doing good BH.  Don't really have anything to write, but just wanted to check in.  Trying to focus on the awesomeness of growing and doing the right thing and how it's such an opportunity.  OK, that's all I got for now

Have a great day y'all!

Day 11: Stressful week somewhat. Still struggling with sleeping and having a good morning routine as well. Looking forward to shabbos iyh. Hopefully I will utilize the day for menucha!

Have a great shabbos y'all!

Day 3: Had a few falls. Just M, no P, so I suppose that is somewhat of a win. Trying to remember that falling and staying clean for long periods of time is better than giving up. Just like going to the gym most days/weeks, even if you miss days, is better than not going at all. So, onwards and upwards now. Have some big things happening now, good things, but they are stressful. I feel like that contributed. But honestly, everything and anything contributes. I just need to take it one day at a time and remember that the fight is a worthy fight and that I can succeed. I may lose a battle or two but I'll win the war with Hashem's help. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 27 Feb 2022 20:16:

If I may reword a bit what you wrote:

Trying to remember that falling and staying clean for long periods of time is the only sensible option - giving up does not exist. ......

Yes! you are winning the war with Hashem's help. 

Masturbation without pornography is an accomplishment. Secondly, in the long run, the less one views triggering material, the less the urge to masturbate feels overwhelming. B'ears Hashem you will get both under control