Day #2
Continued to sleep on my side last night.

This year I am working and going to school from home. My wife and children are out of the house during the day. I don't have access to any stimulating materials, which is good. However, I am alone, which is not so good. I am spread thin because of my various responsibilities and pursuits. That, believe it or not, makes it difficult for me to do any of them. I am working on time management. I know that if I am engaged in productive activities, I am far less likely to "fall." It is when I disengage from life that I "fall."

Have a good Shabbos everyone!

Thanks for this post. One of my biggest triggers is sitting at my desk with 20 things to do and being unable to start anything. I actually learned to ask my wife to help me make a to do list. Amazing how many of us struggle because of underlying non-lust issues.

Day #4

Friday and Shabbos are usually not problem days. I wish everyone a good last week of 5780.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 10 Sep 2020 14:20:

Was reading through your thread (don't mind me). Keep sleeping on your side as much as you can, you will get used to it and find comfortable after a while. I did the same as a child and after a week or two you get used to it. 

Meyer M. wrote on 13 Sep 2020 02:32:

Don't mind you at all.

I have only been sleeping on my stomach for the last few months. I'd say for the last 12 years or so, I had been sleeping on my side.

It is amazing how something as--seemingly--simple as sleep positions can have such ramifications.

Thanks.

Day #5

I have come to appreciate that goals are achievable when they are, first of all, stated, when a plan is outlined and when there is some mechanism in place that allows the person to be intentional about the goal.

One advantage of posting regularly here is that it keeps up my intentionality to address my struggle with masturbation. I am making it a regular part of my schedule to reflect on this goal.

As we approach Rosh Hashanah and think about our new year's resolutions, we need to think about

• ​Naming the Resolution
• Creating a Plan
• Staying Focused and Intentional Throughout the Year

Day #6
During my 88-day streak last winter, I wrote a few times about not feeling any satisfaction for being successful. I just didn't feel like a loser after "falling." (Sounds almost like a yeshivishe chakira: הפסד vs. מניעת רוח)

Today, my experience is very different. Since I started GYE, my struggle with pornography and masturbation has taken up a lot less mental space. It is important that I address the struggle and I have certainly not "won," but that's it. Whether I "fall" or don't doesn't impact my sense of self-worth and character.

So, yes, I don't feel any satisfaction today for overcoming a bit of an urge yesterday, but I am not looking for feelings of satisfaction. I am just looking for "regular." I spend 5-10 minutes writing a post, maybe another few minutes overcoming an urge here and there and that's it. The rest of my day is full of everything else that takes up my headspace.

I don't mean to cheapen the idea of celebrating success that is spoken about on this website. The struggle is real and when we can be successful after years of no success that is grounds for celebration.

A good day to everyone! Thanks for reading, "thank you"ing and replying!

Thanks for sharing. I have over the years had a lot of ups and downs in regards to my streak.

I identify success in the fact that it is so much less of a focus nowadays. Or as you so aptly describe it, it is taking up much less of your headspace.

Thanks for your posts, I appreciate it!

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 15 Sep 2020 13:19:

Exactly, when it stops being "important" you can start living life and focusing on your daily activities. I think the tools here are not meant to occupy a great deal of headspace, perhaps more like a background app that protects you but allows you to focus on the important things in life. Things go a lot smooth when you even "forget" about urges and your struggles and stuff like that, when you're so busy with the things you love that the urges simply don't have any room to barge in.
Sure enough one should always be careful, but I do subscribe to your opinion that the goal is to simply live your life each day(safely of course).

EDIT: PS: Please keep posting!! Thanks for sharing!!

Day #7

Two days ago, I overslept, missed my 5:00 chavrusa and wasn't able to daven selichos and shacharis (davening schedule still impacted because of pandemic) until after all of my children were out of the house (around 9:00)! My day didn't start until after 10:00 and I barely accomplished anything by the time they all came home. I felt lousy because of it and during the time that I was trying to bring myself to be productive, I had urges.

Yesterday (and today), I got up for my 5:00 chavrusa, was done with selichos and shacharis before 7:00 and was able to start my day before 9:00. I was "in the zone," namely, I was motivated and I was able to work hard and accomplish a lot. And...no urges.

It is like what Dovid HaMelech said,
אני מעורר השחר ואין השחר מעורר אותי (ירושלמי ברכות)
"I wake up the morning, not that the morning wakes me up."

The way we start our day impacts the rest of our day.

Thanks for all of your "thank yous" and replies!  

Day #8.

Day #9

I found this line in Selichos this morning particularly moving.

​ולא כשב על קאו באחטא ואשיב
לא מצאה ידו די השיב

[We will] not [be] like one who returns to his vomit, saying, 'I will sin and I will repent,
but will not find [the time] to fully repent.
[Translation is from the Complete Artscroll Selichos]

I love the Artscroll translation of לא מצאה ידו, "will not find the time." Teshuva doesn't just happen, it requires time, energy, and--perhaps most importantly--attention.

I wish everyone a כתיבה וחתימה טובה. 

Day #12.

I joined GYE since last Rosh Hashonoh. I have written before about how joining GYE has slowly chipped away at the shame that I had been carrying around with me. I recently wrote about how I don't necessarily want to feel satisfaction for going another day without masturbating. I just want to feel, as I put it, "regular."

For over a decade of Roshei Shonoh/Yemei Kippur, I have centered my experience of concepts like Yom HaDin, Teshuvoh, Selichoh, etc. around my struggle with pornography and masturbation. This year, for the first time, that wasn't it. Sure, I thought about it once or twice during Rosh Hashonoh davening, and I will certainly think about it more on Yom Kippur, but it didn't take over! I have learned to put the struggle into perspective. It is not my whole self, it is merely one part of my experience.

I consider that a "win."

Day #13.

This last post is a favorite of mine.

Posting day counts is so important, even without a long winded message. 

Keep up the great work!!