Hi Tzadik,
Thanks for the post. I understand the struggle, I've had that alot in the past.
MMay you be matzliach malleh malleh.

Our dear שבע יפול צדיק וקם!

I just came in to check on your progress and was so inspired reading this thread. The last few updates are full of amazing thoughts! Thank you for keeping us in the loop and providing me with such Chizuk! Keep on going!!

Day 87.

Thank you for all of the encouragement. I admit that it has been a bit more challenging the last couple days. As I have written about in previous posts, my struggle with pornography and masturbation almost always starts in front of a screen. While I haven't "fallen," I have come close. To address this, I have resolved to cut out a lot of time in front of my computer. To cease or at least greatly limit certain online activity. Not letting the Internet be a place to reside, but only a tool when I have a very specific need. I created my own log to chart my progress.

We are all rooting for you!!! It's incredible how determined you are, and Hashem should give you the strength to go all the way!!

Day 1.

Please don't post any words of consolation. I really don't feel that bad at all. I haven't given up in twelve years, I have no reason to give up now.

I would, however, appreciate support for my integrity. I was thinking about how the way in which I broke my streak was minor compared to what I used to do before starting GYE just over three months ago. I thought about continuing to report "still clean." "It was just this one time." I stopped myself and said that this "clean streak" has to be glatt kosher. No nonsense. No excuses and explanations.

As I have written about in past posts, screen time is really a big trigger. I know what I need to cut and I know what I can do to make it more difficult for me to "fall."

I am looking forward to passing my 88 day record and I am happy to report that over the last 96 days, my record is 94/96. Not too shabby.

Keep reading and keep supporting!

That was Sheva Yipul Tzaddik. Now time for the Vikom!!

Can I just say that I'm jealous of how you reboot from a place of strength?
It's amazing how level headed and to the point your reaction to a slip/fall is.

I'd like to say even if a tzadik fell an eighth time it would still be fine :O

Love the attitude!! Keep up the great work!

Also, you mentioned about integrity. It is truly incredible how GYE is anonymous yet we are all so honest with ourselves and where we are up to. 

Hatzlacha!

Day #10.

Took a bit longer than I'd like to get here, but I'm here. For no real good excuse, I had access for a short period of time and that was it. Now that the access is out of my home, I was able to start over.

I just wanted to say to the readers of this thread that "giving up" has never been an option for me. My pattern usually is "falling" at night. I have never once woken up the next morning and made peace with my "falling." It has always been the attitude of okay let's try again. I think that this attitude is something to be tremendously proud of in and of itself. To not make peace with the situation. To at least hold these things at bay.

So, I had a short period of "falling" and not giving up and now I am here to report ten days.

Double Digit Dynamite!

What does make peace with your falling mean?

To give up. This is part of me. I'm not going to change. I am always going to watch pornography and masturbate. That would be making peace with it.

As opposed to, really wish I didn't do that last night. Oh man. Not okay. Got to figure out how to not do that anymore.

Interesting.

Is there possibly a middle road of:

This is who I am and what I do, and I accept that. That doesn't mean I approve of it, but I can't keep fighting that I should be someone different. I acknowledge this of myself and hope to be reprieved of it today, so where do I go from here?

Can't you feel the serenity seep through?

I agree with your middle of the road and I like the way you said it better than the way I said it. I am me and perhaps in my younger years I didn't want to appreciate that, but today I appreciate being me. One of my parts is the part that likes to engage in the naughty stuff. That being said, I don't want to do it for religious and other reasons. When I say, "I never give up," it means I have never approved of the behavior or turned the other way. I have always believed in myself that I can continue to disapprove and continue to try to avoid it.

If you truly accept yourself and have a healthy self esteem you probably have what it takes b'ezras Hashem to get out of this mess. Do you have any connection with guys from GYE or SMART or SA or other successful program?