committed_togrowth wrote on 25 Mar 2022 04:28:
Thank you for sharing, your presence on this forum is a huge chizuk to me and I'm sure it is to many others. I wanted to share an idea (I'm sure it is one you know but I'll write it out anyway in case it's helpful). It says in Chovos HaLevovos something like "it is a law of nature that desire will influence the human intellect." We aren't purely intellectual beings because while we are in essence a soul we also have a body and, to put it in Rabbi Bentzion Shafier's words, most of the time we're essentially walking around drunk. For example, we can wake up one day and lack clarity on even the most fundamental thing of all, Hashem's existence. From the body's perspective maybe He does exist maybe He doesn't, but it doesn't really matter either way because right now I want this pleasure that's very real and very in front of me. It's baked into your nature as a hybrid spiritual and physical being that you will experience a lack of clarity and not see why halacha has any bearing on your reality. This is to make room for the possibility of free will, which you just succeeded in exercising in an amazing way! (If this misses the point you were making in your reflection please ignore me
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There is a Gemara that I often think about when it comes to my theological musings. Basically, the Jewish people never really believed in idolatry, but they served it in order to permit public sexual immorality or to publicly permit sexual immorality. In other words, a
generalization that any ideology that isn't strict adherence to the Written and Oral Torah is driven by a motive to legitimize some forbidden or frowned upon desire. That seems to be part of your response and I appreciate it and it definitely applies to my situation and post.