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A new experience - lust free sobriety
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: A new experience - lust free sobriety 3372 Views

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 07 Jan 2020 09:15 #346558

  • pickamoniker
  • Current streak: 134 days
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  • Posts: 42
  • Karma: 9
Hi All



Another quick update; day 121 and still clean tG.



No good news on the home front unfortunately, which is a big and continued source of anxiety for me. It seems to me that it is probably inevitable that the divorce will happen as ultimately that's something my wife can pursue unilaterally and she clearly wants to do that. It's a bitter pill to swallow and I'm really struggling with it. Oftentimes the anxiety and fear of that happening, combined with the sense of failing my children and the struggles that they will inevitably go through as a result of this lead me to a place of despondency and trigger lust urges raging from mild to severe. Right now my approach to the situation is to remain with hope no matter how slim it is. However I need to also brae myself for the reality that my marriage is likely over as I really don't want to set myself up for a huge fall should that prove the case.


I hope you are all well.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 07 Jan 2020 12:27 #346559

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1131 days
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Keep strong tzaddik. We are all rooting for you. May Hashem shower you with heaping doses of syatta d'shmaya.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 10 Jan 2020 05:03 #346612

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 43 days
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I know this must be a tremendous challenge for you, and I daven Hashem should give you chizzuk and strength!

I also just ask that you also please look at your amazing success in how many days you are currently clean and take serious pride in your achievement. Please don't let your situation drown out that serious accomplishment. It is no doubt tough, but you still have to appreciate much of a mountain you just climbed. 

Davening for you!

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 10 Jan 2020 13:10 #346620

  • pickamoniker
  • Current streak: 134 days
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  • Karma: 9
Thanks REM, I really appreciate it. And yes, I am proud of what I have achieved. Not least of all as it means that I am currently (mostly) making decisions from a healthier place.

Have a great Shabbos everyone. Signing off here now.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 15 Jan 2020 09:47 #346722

  • pickamoniker
  • Current streak: 134 days
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  • Posts: 42
  • Karma: 9
Hi All

day 129 and still clean here. It doesn't appear to be getting any easier though which is frustrating. This morning I woke up alone and once again the reality of my situation came crashing down on me. I am still so attached to my marriage despite the fact that there appears to be no hope for it. Ironically my natural reaction to the situation is an urge to act out. I really couldn't be bothered getting out of bed and going to work, but I forced myself up and here I am at work (not actually working yet, but baby steps right?)

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 17 Jan 2020 05:44 #346778

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 43 days
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 A lot of people when they have challenges and I tell them the following they do NOT appreciate it. So I apologize if it isn't what you want to hear...

Hashem sometimes gives us very difficult challenges, but only give us challenges we can handle. I find this so helpful. It doesn't make the challenge drastically easier or less painful, but it allows us to accept it and make sure we address it. When things are tough in my life I can accept that it's ''okay'' to have painful or difficult days and that it is what Hashem wants right now. Sometimes I even go so bold and to say that Hashem loves me and gave me a special challenge just for me! With this in mind, I am able to accept that it is hard and I won't go into "disaster mode" - which is just a way to give myself a license to do bad behavior. 

I know you have a very very tough and painful situation, and I can only imagine how painful it is for you. I think about and daven for you! Please just remember that Hashem loves you and that you have the kochos to continue to stay clean - and that itself may be your yeshua. 
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