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A new experience - lust free sobriety
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: A new experience - lust free sobriety 653 Views

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 27 Nov 2019 12:26 #345483

  • Hashem Help Me
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You are ahero buddy, a real hero. I cant imagine what you are going through. The profound tza'ar you are experiencing, and despite that having the presence of mind to stay clean - Wow! May Hashem help everything work out as soon as possible "al tzad ha'yoser tov" in all areas!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 27 Nov 2019 15:12 #345489

  • Snowflake
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Hi, thanks for sharing such personal stories.
You are really inspiring!
I've been through something roughly similar. The feelings of guilt, frustration and hopelessness are very nasty triggers.
What I can suggest you is to try to cool down if you haven't.
Go do a sport or an activity you enjoy. Sleep 8 hours or more. Sports release endorphins which are powerful natural anti-depressants.
You seem to be going through so much, and it's particularly at these times we neglect self-care. And at these times it's more important than ever to take proper self-care.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 28 Nov 2019 12:41 #345553

  • pickamoniker
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Thanks Snowflake, "Hashem"

Day 81 - it's getting kind of exciting to watch my name climb the last few rungs up the chart. Still over a week to go, but I do believe I can make it there (and then further hopefully).

I had an episode this morning again where I thought "what's the point in all this", but it passed pretty quickly and without much effort.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 03 Dec 2019 09:57 #345684

  • pickamoniker
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Hi All



Day 86, it's kinda exciting to be trundling towards day 90, which for the first time really seems within reach. I'm pretty chuffed about that!

At the same time I know that after 90 comes 91 (give me a Fields Medal!) and now I need to prepare for that. B'n I'll keep posting here past 90 to give you all updates.

The past few days haven't been too challenging tG. I am still getting urges, but they don't seem to be as "urgent" or last as long. I have been tending just to shout "stop" at them or tell them "this isn't for me" or similar and then just move on with whatever I was doing before. I suspect that some more serious urges are out there in my future somewhere and I think it's probably important to remember that even the more urgent ones don't last forever and I won't die from not giving in to them.


Day 90 is Shabbos and I'll be at home for the weekend so I'm thinking of buying something nice for the family to have, a cake or something.

On the marriage front it could be better. My wife pretty much made up her mind to get a divorce last week, but then decided she's still not 100% sure. Sometimes it feels like she's just waiting for her to get used to the idea before she commits to it, which can be a little depressing, but I suppose it will be what it will be. Either way I won't die from it.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 03 Dec 2019 12:20 #345686

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We are cheering you along buddy!  Yes, you have to be prepared for day 91, when you will wake up and say "Now what?"  In reality reaching 90 brings us to the level of all normal healthy men who will iyh have urges for many years. The difference is that b'ezras Hashem we trained ourselves to have the ability to choose. We got our bechira back. So yes, there will be challenges and sometimes some really tough ones, but you know now that you can simply say "No, this is not for me. Hashem please help me pass this nisayon and stay loyal to you." Another benefit of 90, is that if at some point chas v'shalom one slips, he realizes that it is a one time thing and clean up and move on. Like a mountain climber who falls into a ditch and doesn't think for a second "it is all over, I can't continue", but rather enjoys the view while bandaging his wounds, and adjusts his climbing methods to prevent a reoccurrence, so too one who has stayed clean for an extended period of time and stumbled, at that point - yes davka at the stumbling point, he can celebrate where he is up to, figure out why he fell and fix it, and happily move on.
Celebrating 90 as you are planning to do is important. feeling proud of the accomplishment while thanking Hashem for His assistance brings a healthy frame of mind. It also cements in your mind that no yetzer hara can ever tell you again that "this project is worthless, you will never get better." It is similar to the importance of celebrating a siyum and not second guessing yourself "Do I really know the mesechta? Maybe I skipped a few lines somewhere?"
Mazel tov tzaddik. L'chaim from all of us.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 09 Dec 2019 09:20 #345854

  • pickamoniker
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Day 92...

It's nice to have made it past 90 at last, and without any fantasy either - that was a significant accomplishment. Perhaps fittingly, Friday night was maybe the hardest of my life so far. My wife told me that she has decided she wants to divorce. I stayed up with her talking until 1am and then went to bed but got little to no sleep all night. My head was spinning, I was in shock and there were many and pretty strong lust urges all night desperately trying to get me to bury my pain in fantasy. I had to let go, stop and dispute those urges all night long, but in the end I got up still sober without having indulged in fantasy once.

I am still very much in shock and so incredibly sad. It seems particularly ironic that she would make that decision now when I am more sober than I have been in years. It's not that I can exactly blame her, she has really been through serious pain and trauma, multiple times. However at the same time I believe so strongly that things could be better and can hardly bear the thought of breaking up our relationship and family.

I haven't resigned myself to it actually happening. While my wife said that she is at peace with her decision, that doesn't mean it's not possible it will change, however I'll admit it doesn't look good.

I woke up today really sad and with such clarity that I don't want this to happen. I am finding it difficult to concentrate on anything right now.
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