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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: My Journey 884 Views

My Journey 18 Jul 2019 04:29 #342367

  • hopeful
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: 2
Hi Everyone!
I been on this site for a long time but this is my first post (I think, certainly first one I've started)
Basically I just had another fall and I can't keep doing that.  I want to post and keep ya'll updated on my journey to 90.  Be"H and with all your help I'll get there this time....and stay there!!
A couple of things about me.  
I have been sexually aware as far back as I can remember.
I started with P&M in 6th grade including with other ppl.
Throughout HS I was very heavy into it.  Beyond that I got into strippers hookers and massage parlors.
Late elementary school started getting into alcohol in HS got into drugs, that exploded when I went to Israel after HS then went nuclear when I came back.  After some time totally enslaved to substances I went to rehab, where surprise surprise I got kicked out for getting caught sneaking into one of the girl's rooms (she had invited me) After some time in and out of various programs I did basically get clean until today.  Still not 100%.
I turned my life around and became religious and started learning after a few more years and at that point I stopped with the porn and the stripper etc.  However I couldnt kick the mzl completely.  After that I got married and continued on the way up, although after some time P&M came back into my life on and off.  some time later I slipped back into my bad ways of strippers etc (mainly massage parlors, but everything) and got back into drugs.  Thankfully that was a short lived stint and I stopped with the bad ppl I had been seeing. That was over 4 years ago and since then I have been struggling on and off with P&M (and some mild drug use as well)
After mzl tonight I decided I need to post and I hope that will help me get through and finally kick this bad habit forever.
I forgot to mention that with all this I have social anxiety and difficulty connecting to ppl so never really built up any kind of support system in any of the programs I've been to.
Also I dont really have any friends at this point in my life.
Well that's my story morning glories and I'll try to keep posting my progress.
Thank you all for being here when I need you and I hope to be able to do the same.
Hatzlacha to us all!

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 07:36 #342368

  • David26fr
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 189
  • Karma: 8
Welcome to this forum
You have done a big step to share about your struggles here...

First, it seems to me that your social anxiety is one of the reason that leads you to these behaviors (drugs, sex...)
Am I right ?

Did you so something particular about this social anxiety, to get out of it, but not related with your behaviors ? It could be therapy, mindfulness, or whatever...

Behatslakha !

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 12:20 #342373

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 44 days
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1656
  • Karma: 151
Hi Hope. Great to see you posting.
my two cents? After being active on gye for bout 6 years, being in sa and meeting and speaking to many s-x addicts and non-addicts, there are many in sa who would understand you, relate to your story And have actually "kicked the habit" too. Sounds like you have already progressed to the "heavy and hard" stuff,  going back is as easy as it sounds. I love gye, and I've gained tremendously from it, but for someone who already has a history of addiction, I don't think an  anonymous website is the safe way to go. Perhaps you've already gone to aa or na, but sa targets p&m, massage etc.. and you certainly won't be the only one like that. 

Best of luck whatever you do, and keep in touch
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 18 Jul 2019 12:23 by stillgoing. Reason: For the love of pickles

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 12:24 #342375

  • Singularity
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1313
  • Karma: 66
Welcome! Quite a story!

I am jealous that your p and m in 6th grade was with other people. At that point I was too socially introverted to involve others in my fantasies. I'm just surrendering this and moving on.

Keep coming back!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
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