Hi everyone, long time no speak. I used to hang around the forum much more (mostly to read on other people's struggles and to learn different tips) but I decided to tackle this issue in a different way. I'm in my mid twenties,single and i've been taking the therapy route for about more than a year. I've been learning quite a lot about myself, the underlying reasons I do things and how to do deal with my insecurity feelings ect. with the understanding that it'll effect my behavior in other areas (porn) too.
Still I had a question that maybe some of you will be able to enlighten me about.
Recently after my schedule changed and I found myself at home for most of the day I realized that I don't have drive to be productive like I used to have. I would much rather stay at home and see what's online (even if it's not inappropriate). I just don't know what I want to do with my life and I kind've feel like i'm sinking. I also feel disconnected many time from my feelings and from the world in general..
I also have had a lot of trouble in the past understanding the concept that we are in this world only to do hashem's will and to give ourselves over to him. I think that a person who gives himself fully over to g-d, although admirable, loses his own self if he is constantly thinking of hashem or other people and what's good for them only. How does altruism not cancel our own self? (sorry for the philosophy)
Can anyone identify? maybe give me some ideas?
Many thanks and we should all be successful iy"h

Hi newplace,
It is very good you are getting deeper and really figuring yourself out.
I think it is good you are having these philosophical questions and not just taking stuff for granted.
If you'd like, I would be willing to discuss what you're going through via email-360gye@gmail.com

ummmm, not to sound like some mad *** frummie, but you have no "self". we ARE "just" (?) an extension of g-d. the more you give yourself over to him, the more you actually do get in touch with yourself.

as to doing only for other people. who told you thats what were supposed to do?

Hi newplace. Welcome back! While this is not gye's stated purpose, you are touching on probably the most fundamental of questions about our existence.

Why should I give my self to G-d?
Why was I born?
Why did G-d create the world? (or you can ask, Who created the world?)

These are crucial questions for a person to think about, and for many people born religious, it never occurs to ask.

It's not really a question for an anonymous open forum, but it's worth thinking about the questions above and try to find out the answers.

good luck on your long days
sg