So I know that I might fall on day 91. But I need to have a deadline or else i don't know that I can make it to 90. My entire motivation for doing this process comes from me needing to do a full "reboot" which takes 90 days. Yes, I'm not a tzadick and if I was truly motivated to do this challenge because of Judaism then going 90 days would seem arbitrary. But as I mentioned before, my main motivation is a secular approach-I need to break my bad habits and stop wasting so much time and being addicted to social media. So to be honest, I don't know where I end up after 90 days, but my goal right now is to only focus on 90 days and conquer it.

The previous post was reply to @doingtsuva

@OTR
Sorry to hear that. And to answer your question, I do enjoy being clean because I have been able to do some things each day that I never had time for before but that I really wanted to do and I have G-d on my side. And ideally I do want to stay clean like this forever and lead an addiction-free life. But the truth is that I don't think it's possible. You know, I didnt think it was even possible to go more than a week maximum, but 8 days ago I had a sudden feeling of empowerment after being on r/nofap and reading all the science about this stuff so I just went cold turkey and committed to being clean for 90 days! But the key is that in the moment I felt that I could achieve 90 days so I committed to it. And since I believed in myself then, I know that I can complete my challenge. But I never believed in myself for more than 90 days, and until I feel that empowerment, it is not something I can achieve. And I'm not sure if I ever will feel this empowerment but if I do, then I may commit to longer than 90 days.

End of Day 8

So today was probably the hardest so far. I found my mind wandering alot, and started having minor urges again. I also was not as productive as I would have liked. I feel as if "acting out" is productive, but not for any logical reason, it's just that everytime I think of what I really want instead of answering to myself that I want to remain clean, I answer that I want to "act out." Maybe this is the withdrawal that everyone is talking about or maybe it's not. But I just hope tomorrow is easier. I'm gonna make it to 90!

It is necessary to plan for day 91. Otherwise it can be demoralizing. If one does plan, b'ezras Hashem it gets better and better.

Day 9

So today was really really hard. Couldn't get myself to do anything productive, all I was thinking about was how much instagram photos are lost in cyberspace for ever and how much I wanna go on instagram. It's not as bad right now. I still am clean and have not broken any rules. I need to make it to 90 days to break my addiction (refer to previous posts as to why I have set my deadline to 90 days)

For  A Sunday

Exercise.
Some college work.
Wash clothes clean house.
Some Jewish reading.
And see friends...actually meet up with them.
Avoid isolation.

rolemodel wrote on 05 Apr 2019 01:31:

Loved your post!
This is what I felt when I came to GYE.
I din't care about religion, God or anything else.
​All I wanted is to become free from my crazy uncontrollable bad habit (addiction) that took me over.
Today, thanks God life is much more manageable.

End of Day 10

So this was for sure the hardest day yet. It was the first time that I was having really strong sexual urges since I started. and It literally hurt to not touch. Thank God I held strong! I also found myself fantasizing for the first time in a long time, not sure if that's good or bad. And now I'm remembering back before I ever masturbated when I would spend hours fantasizing and I kinda forgot how it is. I'm kinda hoping for a wet dream cause then these strong urges will go away for at least a little bit of time, the same way it worked back in my innocent days. Do I get a sin for a wet-dream if I want the wet-dream to happen so that my urges subside temporarily?

End of Day 11

So I think I broke my clean record. This is the first time I am actually attempting this challenge, but I had gone around 10 days without ejaculation sometime last year, but it was because I went on birthright and was super busy the entire time so never had free time. But i definitely wasn't clean as my current "rules" dictate. regardless, I am making a high-score right starting now. 

I was extremely busy today so didnt have a chance to fantasize or anything. Honestly, I didnt even include fantasizing in my "rules" because i didn't and don't think it's possible to adhere to. By "rules" I mean I wrote a list of 14 rules that if I break any of them, I restart my counter. These include not going on various social media, not even slight masturbation, etc. But since there is no clear "line" which determines what is considered "not fantasizing", I couldn't include it in my rules because it would only lead to my rules losing their black and white status, which would for sure end up with me breaking other rules (because after somewhat fantasizing I would then tell myself that I broke one rule so i can break another, which is not good) I sort of feel guilty for fantasizing but at the same time I dont feel responsible for it becuase I can't delete my brain the same way i deleted instagram. I know that if I had instagram installed, I am not strong enough to ignore it. 

Last note, I feel as if I am more connected to God and that He is helping me out more. 2 things happened this week which were really important and it worked out. Maybe I dont feel as guilty getting things when I feel as if I am earning it.

End of Day 12

Was busy today so not too bad. But now I am losing my motivation to make it 90 days. The only thing I feel like I want to do is just check out instagram for the sexual arousal and for relaxing. I'm so certain that I have a double addiction-one to masturbation and one for instagram. But anything I do I do not feel like I am being productive even thought my mind tells me I am, and although my mind tells me that it's really bad for me to go on to instagram because then I never made it 90 days and i dont break my addiction, my body is telling me that I need to go on it. The same thing is true for masturbating. ahhhhhh!!!!!

Its normal for withdrawal to set in at this point. The strong desire to capitulate and just taste that "pleasure" will iyh subside in intensity as time goes on. As far as wet dreams, ignore them. It is the subconscious trying to get its fix. You may also find that when spacing out (even during davening) that subconscious may bring on an erection. Again, ignore it. Right now, the tafkid is to avoid consciously arousing yourself.

I also went through a period of time where I was begging for a wet dream to release "the (imagined) pressure". Finally I came to the understanding that the pressure is all psychological. There is no physical need to ejaculate. It is unlike eating, drinking, and sleeping. There is no "buildup". Excuse my coarse bluntness, but if one ejaculates after 6 months, the same amount comes out as one who ejaculates after 3 days... We are here for you. We know exactly what it feels like. The turmoil, torture, the wringing of the hands "Should I do it again just one more time?" May Hashem give you loads of hatzlocha.

Thank you. to be clear, I am not masturbating, looking at sexually stimulating pictures/videos. But i never committed to myself to stop consciously arousing myself. I am trying not to, but I want to feel accomplished not masturbating and not going on instagram, and if I beat myself over fantasizing then I will just feel guilty and lose motivation to continue.

Day 16

So my big urge subsided during the week. It's weird that I had no wet dream but still the need for pleasure subsided anyways. It's really true that I the big urges dont stay for too long, so this gives me hope that I can wait them out in future

rolemodel wrote on 12 Apr 2019 19:33:

You are on the mark. The "need" is imagined, not real....

Day 20

So I'm finally getting the hang of not masturbating every time I get aroused, or even masturbating for the arousal. I also have been fantasizing somewhat but I dont act on it physically.

Probably the weirdest thing that is happening to me is that I dont want to ejaculate because I remember all the many times in the past 20 days where it would've been the most perfect time to do so but I controlled myself so how can I break a streak on a non-perfect ejaculation. It's sort of fasting the whole day and then breaking your fast on water. But I know this isn't a great deterrent from ejaculation/masturbation because what if I feel like there is the perfect moment then I will ejaculate, but don't worry it won't happen because of how motivated I am from the real reasons I am doing this program. I need to make it 90 days to break my addiction.