it seems that i as soon as i hit 90 days i fall soon after. dont get me wrong im very happy and proud that since last year nisan i got to 90 days 3 times(the first time i got to around 130 -so that equals 310) im back on track now but i get nervous like this struggle will never end. what do you think?

abieham wrote on 27 Feb 2019 01:44:

Might depend what you're doin' about it.

Continued hatzlachah.

That pattern I know well. There is light ahead though, if you take the necessary, difficult steps.

Godspeed to all!

I have the same fear (I'm currently at 180 days today - but had exactly the same thought this morning I.e. that a fall is for sure ahead).

2 ideas:

1) we are still men and still have desires. I dotn think the aim should be to get rid of that. As such, there will always be a risk that we will get too focussed on our desires and slip. So I guess point 1 is to know that slipping might not be the worst thing (although that must be balanced with a recognition of the loss that does indeed come with it).
2) Even with the above, we do need a mindset change. Those of us that grew up on Porn have had our minds wired wrongly. We see women and think of sex. I don't think people without that background have quote the same problem. As such, we do need to work on changing that mindset. To be fair, this is similar to many problems that people have so those of us that are fat, have two problems to work on at the same time!! 

I used to fall around seven months.

I now realise why, and have changed my approach.
I used to set a target...I must stay clean until such and such a day.
And I would.
But after that day I would "reward" myself with a fall!

So now my approach is day by day, and when it requires...hour by hour or ten minute block by ten minute block.
Keep clean, by monitoring my emotional state and level of lust.
If they waver, then I react by doing something positive..i.e.. exercise or reading.
A pro-active approach.

I just want to get the following off of my chest before i speak to somebody. i really just want to get married. my parents are divorced and as my friends are all getting married i also want to go along with my life. I dont want to feel lonely. my mom and i fight constantly because she doesnt let me know anything. I cant say yes or no to any shadchan because i dont know the girl. my mom is uninterested in finding out about the girls and she seems fed up from life.she thinks people judge her for being divorced and so she stays quiet. she thinks people llok down at her when they say no a son of divorced parents. i think people just want a whole family. she thinks she is able to be a mom and dad at the same time. 
Shes not-and it just hurts that she denies the reality. whatever  thanks for listening.

How about getting the Shadchen to set up some dates?
Meet the women in a public place for an hour.
A hotel lounge or quiet tea room and chat...see if you have anything in common?

Lots of pain in your post. Must be really rough. Do you have a rebbi who can sit down with your mother and work things out?

How u been?