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First real hirhur to do bad
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TOPIC: First real hirhur to do bad 163 Views

First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 16:53 #339174

  • imeinanili
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B"H I've been clean now for 147 days. Had not had any urges at all. Like zero - bli guzma.

Until last night. A friend's wife called me by mistake and we ended up texting back and forth. Nothing inappropriate but definitely close to flirty and not something I'd do with anyone else. This is a lady who I find very attractive and have in the past fantasied about. I am married. I love my wife and kids. But now a huge part of me wishes that I could do something with this lady. B"H I didn't masterbate and I tried to just daven it out of me but still it's not totally gone.

Any tips?

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 17:14 #339175

  • mggsbms
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Can you pick up a phone and call someone that knows your struggles? that could help a lot. Hang on there you've come a long way, and you have been a great inspiration. 
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 17:20 #339176

  • Shteeble
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imeinanili wrote on 22 Feb 2019 16:53:
B"H I've been clean now for 147 days. Had not had any urges at all. Like zero - bli guzma.

Until last night. A friend's wife called me by mistake and we ended up texting back and forth. Nothing inappropriate but definitely close to flirty and not something I'd do with anyone else. This is a lady who I find very attractive and have in the past fantasied about. I am married. I love my wife and kids. But now a huge part of me wishes that I could do something with this lady. B"H I didn't masterbate and I tried to just daven it out of me but still it's not totally gone.

Any tips?

One thing comes to mind. What seems like flirty to a man is probably super unintentional by the woman. Some woman are naturally bubbly, but have zero intention of being flirty with you. If you don't have experience working with ladies (lucky you), then you are misreading it.

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 17:26 #339177

  • imeinanili
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Nobody else knows. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, but I have a shteller that means I need a good reputation. It's made it pretty difficult!!!!

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 17:28 #339178

  • imeinanili
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I hear. Hopefully that's just it and she wasn't into it. Funny because I have pointed out to my wife sometimes that the way she talks to bochurim at our house might be a bit uncomfortable for them. so I guess its the same thing.

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 22 Feb 2019 17:55 #339180

  • mggsbms
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imeinanili wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:26:
Nobody else knows. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, but I have a shteller that means I need a good reputation. It's made it pretty difficult!!!!

You are not the only guy with a shteller that is struggling or on this site. It is crucial to build some relationships, no need to worry about your reputation if you talk to the right people.

You've had a struggle free ride till now, as you state, but that could change fast and furious, there can be more challenges ahead, do yourself a favor and reach out to someone real.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 
Last Edit: 22 Feb 2019 17:58 by mggsbms.

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 24 Feb 2019 03:08 #339186

  • ColinColin
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Think about your friend.
Think about he would feel if he caught you and his wife in bed!
DO NOT have text conversations with her.
If she happens to call you for information just give it then say "I am sorry but I have to rush off, I have to be somewhere else" and then finish the call.
If she texts you for information just reply courteously with then information but do not make it a conversation. 
Ever!

Now think about your wife's great attributes, and thanks Hashem for them.

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 24 Feb 2019 04:41 #339188

  • EscapeArtist
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Shteeble wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:20:



One thing comes to mind. What seems like flirty to a man is probably super unintentional by the woman. Some woman are naturally bubbly, but have zero intention of being flirty with you. If you don't have experience working with ladies (lucky you), then you are misreading it.

I'm gonna go with R' Shteebs on this one. Especially (as is in my case) if the brain is usually wandering in that direction anyways... The Yeshivish secretary could give me the faintest smile & ask me to give something to someone in the Beis Medrash, & in my crazy mind she's really thinking something else... 
But yeah, I totally understand imeinanili's struggle, interacting with friend's wives is always a פתח for הירהורים, & I constantly need to stop myself from being extra funny וכדומה...
ה' ירחם

Re: First real hirhur to do bad 24 Feb 2019 05:54 #339189

  • i-man
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mggsbms wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:55:

imeinanili wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:26:
Nobody else knows. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, but I have a shteller that means I need a good reputation. It's made it pretty difficult!!!!

You are not the only guy with a shteller that is struggling or on this site. It is crucial to build some relationships, no need to worry about your reputation if you talk to the right people.

You've had a struggle free ride till now, as you state, but that could change fast and furious, there can be more challenges ahead, do yourself a favor and reach out to someone real.

Magsbims is 100 percent correct 
If you dont want to talk to someone currently in your life - no problem  theres so many wonderful people are available to build a relationship with,  and it's really powerful to have someone to be there to listen to you and help you along the way 
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