Just fell tonight from p and mzl. This week, I really didn't follow any football or play games until tonight. I missed Mincha because I forgot due to a meeting with some girls, and then it went downhill from there. I tried MZL's method for a couple days.  My last failure was on Sunday, so I lasted a bot more than four days. I don't how to succeed, and I don't think I'll ever be able to break free even though I want to.
      Maybe the problem is that I subconsciously view myself as someone who watches p, likes games, and likes football, and I need to be able to change that.  Games and football waste my time and stress me out, so I then watch p and mzl. As much as I want to feel horrible, deep down I don't care, and I want to change that. I feel happy, and I want to change that.  I feel relief and I want to change that. I want to gain my happiness by learning Torah and not through computer games and football. I want to have a better method of destressing after falls. I don't want anybody to respond positively to this feed unless I give good news. If I get good responses after bad news, my mind might trick me into falling again. 
     I will try NLP as soon as I will be to obtain sleep as necessary while participating. I read through the handbook once, and I tried some of the tools, except I haven't attended PA meetings or listened in on 12 step calls. Maybe that is how I should move forward.

Sundays for me were like death. I always just felt low just naturally,  and thus easy prey. Still the hardest day of the week in all aspects of my life - such a complex day in the week from Motzei Shabbos and on... You have a problem, but just know that it isn't unique and you're not alone.

Few things (just meant as support, no l'chaims) - besides for reading the handbook etc.:

1. Saw in a chizuksefer (not sure the source), that we know on the 3rd day after an operation (for example recently in parsha with people of Shechem or with Avraham after his Bris) there is the maximum amount of pain. We were created Friday (Yom Hashishi) - had a lady extracted from us etc., so the 3rd day is Sunday. Thus some people just have that pain and lack of ability on Sundays. It's not a you problem, it's a Sunday problem.
2. You need to let go of this Football = stress mishugas. I like Football, happen to not usually have time to watch for extended periods usually - but if you like Football. Watch Football. That isn't your problem. I am at 90 days (it's a month less than my GYE count - the first month I wasn't updating) if you want to see if I follow the box score of my favorite team after 900 days - maybe, maybe not. There are madreigos. Trying to skip madreigos is not just an idea with little to no success rate, heard b'shem the Gra that is, in fact, a bad thing (there's a pasuk, not sure but heard from a shmooze by Rabbi Daniel Kalish of Waterbury). You seem to get his when you say deep down you know you don't care. It's true. I assume you do important stuff during the week (school, Torah etc.), and you sure seem to be trying to be successful in all avenues. You need a relaxing outlet, so what's it going to be? Are you an avid river rafter? If you don't have feel-good things other than football and GYE stuff, what do you think is the best option? I'd suggest setting up a small reward system - please don't listen to my idea (come up with your own) - for example, daven with a minyan Sunday morning and learn one hour. For the game, maybe try to go to a restaurant with a friend to watch. Order your favorite dish. If at home, first get your favorite snack and drink before. For the next whatever time, the whole game, the last half, whatever - is Football time. It's not a guilt trip time, it's not Torah Anytime. You don't need to do homework, you don't need to do whatever. Just enjoy. The only caveat is have something to do after the Football game, only after - for example going to the library to get ahead of a paper, going to coffee with a friend, calling your parent/sibling/friend to say hi, going to Mincha.
3. If you like computer games, for another time of the week when you are having trouble with homework on a Wednesday for example, I'd have the following suggestion. There are many great shiurim online. Some ideas: Rav Moshe Weinberger on YUTorah, Rabbi YY Jacobson on Youtube and TorahAnytime, Rabbi Simon Jacobson on Youtube (MyLife), Rav Dror on YouTube, the aforementioned Rabbi Daniel Kalish (anywhere - so good). If you really want to play some video games, put on a shiur preferably a video shiur and play some games on the side. Most shiurim last like an hour - that's a nice amount of time. So listen and play, and when you finish the shiur, you stop playing and take a walk around the block if you still feel incapable of being productive. There are likely games you need more concentration, so you can figure out how to add a little kedusha. But basically, you have had a long day or at a time where you are down and need a lift, it is very hard to try to convince yourself to learn a blatt gemara. So add a little chizuk to what you're doing. Don't listen to something complex on the parsha - rather the shidduch crisis, marital disputes, how to deal with an abusive person, etc. exciting and uplifting classes that will keep your attention. If you find yourself playing too much, there needs to be a plan - you can perhaps open up to someone about skills to work on what you perceive as wasting time (it's not, by the way, you are covering for your inner feelings that are having trouble being expressed). But never feel like a rasha about a computer game. That is the ruach shtus that is entering you to lower you to then do the p. Other than not watching porn - don't be so particular on your success rate.
4. Try to learn uplifting things and do uplifting spiritual experiences. These are important. I like the GYE Boost and the emails. Find your element of Torah be it chassidus or mussar or whatever that speaks to you, don't convince yourself you don't have time. This type of learning is the most important. It's not me. The Mishna Berura says  וצריך האדם לקבוע לו עת ללמוד ספרי מוסר בכל יום ויום, אם מעט ואם הרבה, כי הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו. ותבלין היצר הרע הוא תוכחת מאמרי חז"ל. The Torah of Mussar/Chassidus/Machshava is the tavlin we need today to fight the yetzer hara - not to make light of the meat and potatoes of gemara and halacha.This all the more so of one who has tasted the foreign spices we on this forum have dealt with.

I write too much. If you want to talk, you can message me. Frilichen Shabbos v' Chanukah!

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 30 Nov 2018 05:37:

ManWhoStumbles, you express yourself very well in writing, and from what it appears you are "going it alone". Most of us here came at some point or other to the realization that besides the great tools GYE offers us (May Hashem bench them!), we needed connection with others. Whether via chat, email, phone, or actually meeting each other, the benefit of the advice, chizuk, accountability, and education - how to rewire our thinking about sexuality and understand the urges and their causes, is immeasurable. The tendency is for one to stubbornly stay with his deeply ingrained yet many times incorrect theories about these issues and by doing so to remain in the seemingly never ending pattern of fighting, caving in, pornography/masturbation (or worse), depression, and the cycle begins again. As Calculator wrote to you - You are not alone - you are experiencing a struggle that an enormous amount of good, normal, frum, responsible, intelligent, kind, and successful people are dealing with. Stay connected. Those who do BH have what to show for it. B'ezras Hashem recovery, and along with it peace of mind - a menuchas hanefesh they never thought possible. Hatzlocha chaver. 

I agree with hhm it might be time to get in touch with someone. 

Case in point. Calculator has a very good explanation how you can incorporate football into your recovery. Maybe, or maybe not. There is so much we don't know about your life to really give you the best advice. For example. When I watch football I'm hiding because I officially don't follow football. So for me watching football will automatically have a assosiation. with porn, both are hiding from my spouse.

Even if your not hiding to watch NFL. Do you feel it's wrong, do you feel guilty about watching football? Is it not really accepted in your circles. This and many more would be questions someone who you open up to can ask so they can get a full picture of you.

This is not to say you shouldn't post. In fact done if the best ideas I have found in recovery have been on the forum. But implmemtation and proper application of ideas is best done with getting in touch with someone.

Let me know what you think.

P.s. just another example, last night I know there was tnf. I actually thought of you and If I had your number, I would have called you last night to see how your holding up.

But don't misunderstand me, I'm not offering to take your number, I'm still to early in recovery... I can only share mostly what hasnt worked for me...

Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Nov 2018 14:19:


איש את רעהו יעזורי
You don't need to be recovered to help others. Just by being a listening ear can be very helpful. Additionally what you might find challenging can be easy for others and vis versa.
Maybe even you two can enjoy a football game together!

lionking wrote on 30 Nov 2018 14:59:

One of the biggest issues with this challenge is the suffering in isolation. As LionKing wrote, if one is not fully in recovery he can still be a listening ear and supportive shoulder. He can also forward the "new guy on the block" to someone that has answers to his questions. One of the beautiful outcomes of this site is the people helping people aspect. The exponential grassroots effect is enormous. Example - Dovid helps ten guys. Of those, Reuvain, Shimon and Levi help ten more each. Of those thirty "grandchildren", seven or eight fellows decide to help ten more each, and "azoi veiter". So HakolHevel, be an ear and shoulder for our new chaver here, and if necessary help him find answers "further up the line". And besides, it will be motivating for you to know someone is counting on you to set a good example, plus it will give you something to feel very good about.

Alright, I'm all ears.

Although I'm still wary of giving too much advice lest it be more harm than good, after all, i obviously have not yet found the answer, hence I hae not been past 110.

I guess I'll open up hakolhevel referring firm.

The point is not to try to give advice. I am not qualified for that. Sometimes just a quick check in or a listening ear is just what the doctor ordered.

Just fell to p and mzl. I need a new way to deal with stress that doesn't involve games, food, and football. I just made a Tashpich vow, and I hope it will work, since it is in place until Rosh Chodesh Nissan. Heavy Knas after games and following the National Football league. Additionally, I hereby will try to dedicate every moment  and action to G-d to the greatest extent of my ability so that he will help me and other Jews win this fight.

Sorry to hear 

Do you have any plans on how to deal with stress in other ways?

What exactly is stressing yiu. Do you hbe a stressful life?

Exercise, especially running, helps me out. The last two days I fell were days I didn't run. If I am stressed, I will exercise ,learn, or talk it over with my parents, or pray to Hashem. 

I think it is necessary for me to exercise immediately after coming home from school, except on Friday's where Shabat starts right away. I currently do it most days, but I think I should do it every day from now on.

Exercise is great. Maybe you should also consider an accountability partner.

Fell after 12 days. It was really rough resisting, but I still fell. I feel awful but now I'll fulfill me tashpich vow, which will discourage me from falling again. I didn't even feel good. I have to cut out games and sports, or I will fall again. Does any have tool suggestions to manage time, and not get distracted with the internet, so I won't fall.