#157
Thank you both for the chizzuk!
I am happy that my count makes is proof that there are others who can make serious change in their life. This was my life's goal to be able to conquer this challenge and B"H as the days go by and I build a stronger foundation to stay clean, I am able to have new goals and accomplish other sets off accomplishments.
Every day still requires constant vigilance and Hashem created us with certain tenancies to be able to give us schar (reward) and B"H I am staying strong but there is nothing magical about what I am doing. Hashem only gives us struggles we can handle and we have to do our best.
The single most impactful thing I changed in my life, was to....
have a POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
This means 2 things:
1 - Is in general to stay positive and happy about your life. Realize that Hashem is in charge and try to ALWAYS make the best of your situation.
2 - This one is a it longer....
It is extremely important, specifically in shmiras habris, to stay positive about your success in performing the 613 mitzvos. I wan't to make sure I am clear what I mean and what I don't mean.
Try to always look to the future and how you can continue to grow. When looking at the past (things you may have done less than ideal or even things you did that were terrible and horrendous) try and take out something positive. WHAT?!?! That's right! It is SOOOOO important to realize even when you do something wrong, just by the fact that you feel bad, you already know that you are someone who cares to serve Hashem and that is a BEAUTIFUL thing! Enjoy that realization and be proud! Now, you could also be proud of the fact that you were able to push off the yetzer hara for a mili second before you did something wrong, or maybe a minute, or maybe 5 minutes. Do you know how much reward you will get for fighting the yetzer hara for 5 minutes?!?! There is a special place in heaven for people who in a time where you can go on 4 inch screen and enjoy any inappropriate thing in the world and that person for FIVE MINUTES says NO and GLORIFIES HASHEM by his actions. TRULY ADMIRABLE!
Now, that does NOT mean you can just fight for five minutes and then do whatever you want. I want to be clear that it is forbidden.
However, there is a key difference between dealing with your PAST actions and how you will do things in the FUTURE.
You should look at your past positively, as I explained, and take what you learned from your past to IMPROVE on your future. That is the only place for seeing something you did wrong previously, in order to become better. BUT, to look at your past and get down or depressed because you did something wrong is TERRIBLE AND DESTRUCTIVE! That is the yetzer hara's biggest trick! You must move forward by learning from your past and doing a little better each time. Build on the positive things you take out of your past.
This is the best way I know to succeed in this challenge. I hope it was clear and understandable.
I wasn't going to talk about myself but maybe it will give someone a chizuk to see it from this perspective...
I worked on building myself up from the bottom of the bottom. I was watching porn and masturbating. I felt like I couldn't stop and I HATED it, it brought me DOWN, and made me DEPRESSED. I thought, "how would I ever accomplish anything in life if I CAN'T STOP DOING THIS?!?" I realized that Hashem just wants me to do my best because THAT IS ALL I COULD DO ANYWAY. - I just said something important so I want to explain. All we could do in life is our best try and attempt. So, if we are doing our best that means we can't do anything more. Hashem CREATED US LIKE THIS, so Hashem must ONLY WANT OUR BEST TRY. - So I started to try my best and not look at what I did wrong and instead focus on what I did RIGHT. (IMPORTANT) I also, went on GYE, went on GYE, and went on GYE some more! This was important tool for me to get support in initially overcoming a big HABIT.
The effects were pretty immediate. My positive attitude coupled with the amazing support GYE provides enabled me to stay clean for #157 days and counting, one day at a time. While I still have desires llike everyone else, I am - with Hashem's help- trucking along and trying my absolute best to stay clean and be the best jew I CAN BE!
I pray everyday that Mashiach comes and we could just serve Hashem. Until then, we should all continue to gather strength from within and the tools Hashem provide, like GYE.
Can't wait to read about your new, continued, or reinvigorated success!!