#Day 63

Thanks for the chizuk!

Right now I am at the stage where my Yetzer Hara is trying to belittle my accomplishments. So hard. I know what I am doing is incredible but I don't feel like a gibor conquering a mountain....

The yetzer hara always tries to remove our geshmak in an accomplishment. Tzaddikim say the roshei teivos of the "bad" malach - Samech, Mem, Alef, Lamed, stand for Seudas Mitzva Ain La'asos   or   Siyum Mesechta Ain La'asos. His message is : Don't celebrate your accomplishment.   What you are doing is super and you should be proud and celebrate! 

Realestatemogul wrote on 15 Oct 2018 23:23:

If I were you I would make a list of the ways your life is better now, day-to-day on a practical level. Do you have good feelings you didn't have before? Did you use to have bad feelings which are gone now? Do you have more time now? Etc.

Achievement is just one of the feelings in your life, and feelings change over time. You may have to reevaluate the reasons for staying clean every now and then.

mzl wrote on 16 Oct 2018 02:32:

I love this idea!

Well I have more time.
I don't feel depressed from failing.
I don't feel like my whole life revolves around it.
Im just FREE!

Thanks MZL

Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Oct 2018 03:12:

It may be helpful to repeat the list to yourself at night before you go to sleep, and try to picture yourself in the future "I have been working hard to stay clean and I am at peace with myself now, I'm not depressed, my life does not revolve around it, now I have more  time to do what's important to me ..."

#Day69

Wow, I just reread all my posts. It is such a chizuk to be reminded of where I came from. How I was stuck and after over 10 years trying I still couldn't break free. 

B"h I am now more than 2/3 the way to my 90 day benchmark (the journey will still continue). After starting to read through cordnoy's thread it reminded me of some of the main tools for sobriety and from the 12 steps.

Yes, it is now easier to be clean and fight my y"h then it was 69 days ago. However, it is still a challenge and I no longer have the chizuk of a fresh challenge. As I am clean for longer reality sinks in that it will just be a challenge day after day. While I am excited at the prospect it is still a daunting task. 

In this regard I feel like I have to remind myself what I said in my first post. That I don't have the power to control my lust and without Hashems help I am powerless. I have to surrender and make sure I don't risk my sobriety by taking chances on silly worthless sights or being in places that are more at risk for slipping.

As always thank you GYE for all the support.

Any other suggestion as I continue to truck along?

I remember reading through my thread as well, can be a really useful/cool thing to do. Now it's gotten a bit long so it's harder  

It's great that you feel like it's easier than it was when you started out. After my first time hitting 90 days, it didn't feel much easier to be honest. But after multiple longer periods of sobriety it definitely got easier for me.

​My advice (since you asked) is to keep doing what u r doing  

#Day72

Thanks!

#Day88
B"H!!!
Almost to day 90 and then 91 and then 92
Bh I am so busy but I haven't had any time to come engage on GYE

I will try and post the big 90.

Any advice coming into the next phase?

Realestatemogul wrote on 09 Nov 2018 06:24:

It's only next if the number 90 is motivating you in some way. If it isn't then probably keep doing what you are doing. If you can even tell what you are doing. At any rate, try to keep doing it anyway.

Realestatemogul wrote on 09 Nov 2018 06:24:

First of all congrats on the job well done! It is no small feat to reach 88 days clean! 

As far as advice for next stage: I would recommend setting another short term goal, 120 days is a good number.

Also, I would recommend taking something you know helps you stay clean, but you don’t yet do regularly, and incorporating it into your daily routine, (or at least a few times a week on set days). 

This will help you to keep growing in your personal development and recovery, especially as the novelty of the journey and challenge starts wearing off.

Lastly, I would say that next 90 days are no less significant than the previous ones in every respect; in healing, in opportunity for growth, and yes, even possibly in difficulty. 

I think people attribute too much magic to the 90 days at the expense of realizing that the time after is just as crucial to healing. To put it in perspective, I’d guess that more people fell after being clean for 90 days than those stayed cleaned indefinitely after reaching 90 days (anecdotal evidence lol).

Shocker? Probably would have shocked me too a while ago... Anyways KUTGW, and good luck! 

P.S. Please take everything I say with a healthy dose of skepticism lol. YMMV

#Day93

Hodu L'Hashem Ki Tov Ki Lolam CHasdo!

This deserves a full page post, but bh I am super busy (probably attributes to my success) I just wanted to come on to continue to log my tremendous progress.

Thank you GYE for all the amazing support!!

Mazel tov! Keep it up and keep inspiring!

#Day102
Wow! 
Wow! B''h I am still trucking along. I am trying to remember whenever it gets hard that it is okay that it is hard and I can and will stay strong!
thank you gye

#Day109

Tip of the day: Stay connected to what helped you recover!