I just wrote a really long helpful post and it got lost when I tried posting....

Realestatemogul wrote on 23 Sep 2018 04:22:

That happened to me too a few months ago. But that time it spared some people from hearing some painful truths, so it was for the best.

Realestatemogul wrote on 23 Sep 2018 04:22:

I once spent spent around 45 min typing a message then it got deleted when I tried posting it, since then I draft the message then copy and paste it to here .

Yup yup. Everything is for the best.

It was just a rough week and the post was a nice step in the right direction. It getting deleted was disheartening. 

Upwards and onwards.

Tachlis your over 40 days clean which is amazing! Kot!

Happy sukkos!

#Day45

Thank you guys.

#Day51!!!!

BH I continue to stay strong and committed to changing my life for the better one day at a time.

I really want to post something but its a crazy day and week. Thank you to all those who reached out to me and gave me chizuk on chat!

Its amazing what Hashem helps us accomplish!

HHatzlacha and best of luck. We are here to supper each other

#Day56

Okay, the past week was really rough and intense. I think I am out of it though. I seem to be less lustful (thats a GYE term, right? - I dont really think it captures it though but I guess its a lashon sagi nahor) and have less "power struggles." Maybe it was the exercise I did.

#Day 56

I am honored that someone reached out to me privately for help. I typed out a really long message so I feel like I should make it available to everyone.

It was regarding H-OCD. This refers to Homosexual- OCD, when people who don't necessarily have SSA issues but feel like they are drowning in these type of thoughts and CAN'T get rid of them. They have no problem being attracted to the other gender but they still can't get rid of the SSA thoughts.

Here goes...

"Sure, I would be glad to help! 

Although, I can tell you there is no "once and for all" in life. That is a trick the yetzer hara plays that I personally have fallen prey to many times. 
What is very reachable is moving past it so it plays a minimal role in your life. I can tell you that SSA thoughts literally controlled my life at certain points. They were suffocating and made me feel abnormal and really made a dark dark underlay in my emotions. 

B"h, I had a really great therapist (years after struggling with the issue - Hashem knows when we are ready for help) and he introduced this concept to me that really enabled me to overcome the issue. See I most DEFINITELY had attraction to females. However when you are more lust inclined or an SA, whichever you prefer, if you are in a yeshiva with a bunch of guys and no internet your mind will come up with unfortunate images to solve the natural inclination. Its the next stage where we freak out and obsess over it that it becomes super damaging.

MANY frum people (as evident from this website) have an issue with controlling tavah. Hashem did NOT screw up, everything is on purpose, these are challanges Hashem gives us to perfect ourselves, earn Oilam Haba, and get closer to Hashem. Controlling our eyes and our thoughts are one of the loftiest and hardest aspects of this. 

This is important to realize because doing so requires us to relax a bit into our challenges. See, when we panic and freak out, "OH NO, how can I think something like that" we end up putting ourselves down and weaken ourselves to a point where we no longer have strength to grow and overcome challenges Hashem gave us the ability to pass. Hashem ONLY wants us to do the best we can because that is all we can possibly do. You would have no guilt not learning for 24 hours straight because it is understood that Hashem expects you to sleep and eat. Similarly, in all areas of avodas Hashem we are only expected to try and do our best. Realizing this and truly internalizing this has been the most powerful tool in helping me overcome these challenges. 

See in the past when it has been a power struggle between me and my yetzer hara it feels like I MUST overcome a mountain and if I don't I am a bad person. Realizing I just must do the best I can means that it doesn't matter whether it is a huge mountain the size of Everest or a small mound of dirt, I don't even think about it because I am doing whatever I can do and nothing more. As long as I am trying my best and HONESTLY putting in the effort, I am doing EXCACTLY what Hashem wants.

Specifically in these areas, Hashem says "V'lo Sasuru Acharei L'vavchem V'acharei Eyneichem - ASHER ATEM ZONIM ACHAREIHEM" Huh? Say what?! That's right, your entire life you WILL BE straying after your eyes and doing the best you can at controlling them. This is a life's mission to continuously improve and one of the 6 constant mitzvos. Hashem gave everyone this nisayon and EVERYONE has to work on it their entire life. That is not to say it doesn't get easier the more you work on it. The more and more one works on it it becomes easier and also becomes special and less of a struggle.

Going back to the SSA thoughts that people experience, the same concept will help. Learning not to fight evil thoughts will actually make them come less frequent and eventually barely at all. If I understand correctly, one of the 12 steps is to "surrender" to a higher power. The way I have incorporated this into my life is by realizing that 1) Any thought or tavah I have originally came from Hashem as a special nisayon for me that I can overcome and 2) Only with Hashems help can I overcome this - i.e. I surrender it to Hashem. This means accepting it and not trying to fight something that we are powerless over. For example, it's impossible to try and fall asleep - the more you try the more impossible it is- rather you have to relax until....next thing you know you are awake. The same thing is true with SSA thoughts, accept it when it comes and don't fight it- next thing you know you are thinking about something else. This can also help with regular attraction thoughts by accepting it and moving on. 

In the beginning using this technique for SSA it might help to really just accept the thoughts you have and realize that it means nothing about whether or not you are Homosexual. These thoughts don't define you and are just normal challenges from Hashem. Then move one and if it comes back welcome it and then move on. After a while you may discover that you haven't been having those thoughts at all.

Wishing you much Hatzlacha!!! I know you can do the best you can!!!!"

#Day59

Still chugging....

I know this might not be the place. But, does anyone have any formulated opinion on the 5 Love languages? 

Thanks!

Very useful to conceptualize and understand how people differ in showing affection when building a relationship. A winner.

#Day60

2/3rds of the way done 90. Iy"h gonna stay strong day by day until 120 (age)

​I will say right now the hardest part is being successful. I know that I have the ability to make it to 90 and past. But then I won't be able to do the things I was so comfortable doing... 

This is kind of like a fear of the unknown. Failure is something I am very comfortable with, it has been with me my whole life and "seemingly" has comforted me when things were tough. It gave me a pick me up when I was down and something exciting when I was bored. That is the honest truth.

What is also the honest truth is that I will ultimately be much happier if I continue to venture this "unknown" of success. I won't have a few days of  depression after my excitement. I won't feel helpless like I can't control my life. I won't feel a shadow of guilt over my life and future. 

While, it is scary to continue to succeed and go on this path to freedom. I accept the challenge and look forward to the days when I am more comfortable with my success than my failures.  

Looking forward to celebrating #Day90 with my GYE Family!

Great attitude! Iyh you will get there. Just prepare yourself that after day 90 is day 91.....    

Basically after 90 we get to a "normal" level like the rest of society that also struggles with this yetzer hora for life (famous story with Rav Elya Lopian who said of himself that he was elderly, half blind and deaf, yet still had a nisayon when women passed the window of the bais medrash). After 90 we believe it is possible to stay clean, but we should not make the mistake of lowering our guard. Continued hatzlocha chaver!

You might need to make lifestyle adjustments, too. I know a lot of people here are big on exercise. The "unknown" ahead is not a destination. What do you want it to be?