until now, when my wife gets agressive, pushy, ordering around, I have seen my role as getting what she says she wants done, done.
She talks like she wants to be responsible for everything. it's mamesh not true.She want's to be looked after. She wants to be able to trust me.
Reb cmh,
I was reflecting on your words the last few days. Although I initially thought that what you're experiencing doesn't apply to me, I came to realize that I am the one playing your wife's role. I need to have control over everything that's happening in my life, thus I don't trust my wife's decisions and judgment. Just a small example; it's extremely hard for me to let my wife go shopping alone, for I don't trust her style and tase, and I need to control what my wife wears. Whenever she would make a larger purchase she would call me etc etc. I may sound oppressive to some of you here, but so looks the life of someone like me who needs to be in
control.
On the outside, it appears that my biggest need is to feel in control, and if my life would really be controllable that would make me satisfied, and so am I illusioned many many times. But that is far from the truth. What I really need is a trusting hand. I need the ability to trust Hashem, trust my wife, and trust anyone who is involved in my life. My lack of trust brings me to wanna be in control, but that is a never-ending and unattainable pursuit. It exhausts me and depresses me. When I find trust in Hashem's plans, in my wife's decisions, that's the best thing I can get and is so relaxing and calming for me. I can finally release my grip and just plain relax. That's all your wife needs, and you're fortunate to have realized it.
Thank you for clarifying this for me! May Hashem always be in your way!
Yitzchok
