Yitz1010 wrote on 18 Oct 2017 04:58:

The ONLY thing one should do after a fall is ask themself what triggered it and prepare how to avoid that trigger in the future as much as possible and how to be prepared if and when it does reappear. Other than that, do not focus on the fall. Get up, shake off the dust and move on. Ask Hashem for His help in staying clean today and not to chas v'shalom throw in the towel due to yi'ush and then act out again.

Most of us here benefit greatly by having someone to call (which can be done anonymously or openly) from amongst the chevra. They understand the challenges, emotions, and pain involved in this parsha. They have "been there and done that". They care - and will help change your mindset of being a rasha or a loser - and will celebrate your successes with you.

what i try(obviously thats an understatement needs more than that and you gotta be emotionally ready)when i see thhose kind of "bodies" is to try to think of them from the perspective of the people who reaaly love them 
like what does her mother think when she sees her 
this is a person not a body she has a mother father sisters who really love her and don't really care what she looks like it has helped but its not always easy 

Hey I fell yesterday. Twice in about 12 hours. I was simply lazy, convinced myslef I had to catch up on sleep and stayed in my dangerously comfortable bed. I even learned Gemara! But nope. I ran to sin. 
The rest of the day was a nightmare. I barely ate as I had astonish ache and at times wasn't able to even think. It's happened to after previous falls. I had these symptoms.
Something cool I discovered was that after my first fall, which to place sometime during or after playing a video game, I gave my word to never touch the console unless I'm with my younger brother. After the 2nd fall I wanted to calm down and play. But I remembered my promise and turned it off a few seconds after turning it on and realizing this. I realized that I have a decent time keeping my word but not my tayvah for zerah levatala and porn so I gave my word not to inappropriately touch my eiver ever (by consequence anything that my lead to that as well) and not to watch inappropriate videos willingly.
I spoke to my Rebbi for eitzos. He gave me the best one : just do it!
My Rebbi often quotes Rav Dovid Cohen shilita: Id love to sin but I simply have no time!

Keeping ticking
שהחזרת בי נשמתי
 Thank you Hashem for entrusting me with my neshama even though my track record says I'm untrustworthy. Basically You are telling me that I CAN DO IT!

Its great that you speak to your rebbi about it and post here. Being honest and forthcoming helps in breaking free. B'ezras Hashem you will get much guidance and be matzliach. As you wrote it is very helpful to put mechanisms into place to stop yourself at the pre-triggering stage, where you are still in control. If you can set up a system to not turn on the computer without another person present (as you wrote - your brother), you will iyh have reduced the nisayon. Pay attention to other pre-triggering situations and be shtark in avoiding them. Along with staying connected - honestly reporting whats happening, and utilizing the other GYE tools, and of course a heaping dose of s'yatta d'shmaya, you will iyh do well.

Yes, definitely replying in a general way to the thread, but hoping to share, again, generally, my early experience in Recovery, namely, committing to the 12 steps, which are totally kosher (as GYE can explain), will give you enormous comfort and relief. 

I know very much this realization that I had some "new fight" in me before certain temptations. I had that same experience, where I acted out, but I had fought, I had almost cried through it, and I thought it must be progress...

Well, it's not a straight line. But for me, and for many addicts, I think, it has to be about GIVING UP THE FIGHT. I had a more powerful experience over the summer, where I sensed Hashem was in the room with me. It was a simple thing, but suddenly the abstraction was not an abstraction. I felt a presence, in a different way than I had ever in my life. And with that presence I felt love, and, the desire that I not hurt myself. And so I stopped in my tracks. I did not do it. Not because I was fighting with chizuk from Hashem! Because I could sense that Hashem was present in my life, I was "living inside G-d" as Dov says in one of his recorded calls posted here on GYE...

i fully agree with that the sefroim hakdoshim write that the worst part of the averia is the yiuash afterwards

im sorry to hear that you fell but pick yourself up
if you keep going there will be a time when you will look back at it all and be able to help others
you give us all chizuk