I will write a post on here every day. I do not want to look at this stuff anymore. I do not want to drain myself of precious energy anymore. 

I want to elevate my life. I want to attract a girlfriend/wife. 

I no longer want to be beat down because of my sexual errors. 

Today I am starting Day 2. There is still hope for the future. There is hope.

Posting may be a good idea, but it cannot be your only plan.  Otherwise, it is just more hoping. 

How are you going to change?  What gedarim will you make?  Have you read the handbook?  If the change is on the surface, it won't last long.  Taking actions that lead to real inner change are necessary for long-term success.

I understand from your message that you are determined to change and are working hard on it. although I see you believe there is hope which is obviously true, I think it would be more helpful if you believe in yourself more that there will be a brighter future and not just hope. and you should act on this belief and strengthen it by listening to more chizuk and putting boundaries.

"I no longer want to be beat down because of my sexual errors." 

I just want to point out in a very gentle and caring manner that We are not bad people trying to be good we are sick people trying to get well.

Sex/Porn addiction is not a character defect!!!!

You are not making any errors.

Your neural response to a very strong chemical called dopamine is what your "fixing" when you "use" porn to aid in it's production. Your literally getting high off your own drug supply.

Most of us "use" and "Relapse" when we are:

Lonely
Tired
Angry
Fearful
Resentful
Shamed
Guilt Ridden
Boredom

The above are some of the TRIGGERS we are POWERLESS over early in our recovery.(google trigger list)

Through the TOOLS of working our "Program" we become empowered, joyous, happy and free from sexual  obsession and compulsion.

TOOLS (just a few of many):
Journal keeping
Being of service to others (Service Positions)
Attending meetings
Therapy
Outer Circle activities
Not isolating
Using Porn blockers
Accountability to a Sponsor
Going to Shul

That's a lot to chew on. I've been in recover for five years. I have gone through long stretches of abstinence where I wasn't sober. Abstinence without sobriety is not sustainable and will lead to a miserable life. Take your time, start with Step one . Reach out to me if you like. I'm here for you