Well said bgit! I can definitely identify with the not hitting bottom (yet?) problem, and I was also wondering how essential it is to recovery. From what I understood from Dov, no concepts (Torah or otherwise) time (like yom kippur) or family (getting married, pretty wife etc) can effectively stop us in the long run. Only life-changing events (hitting bottom?) can. Fortunately (or should I say sadly?) I haven't reached that point yet. But for me, it being isser per se isn't a drive either. If I would see an online lushen horah recovery group, I can bet you I would not sing up anytime soon; although I know that it's usser (and has many many issurim involved, as the chufetzchaim mentions in his hakdama. Whereas masturbation per se is at its best an issur med'rabunun). So is wanting to have a better relationship with my wife what drives me here? Nah. I wouldn't go in such length for her and give up something so dear and part of my being as of yet. I doubt many people will. Is it a recent yom kippur kabbalah? also not. So what is it???

But somehow, I feel that masturbating inherently feels wrong. There's hardly any avirah that has so much guilt attached even after repeating it so many times than masturbating. And it's not even the act itself, for I never felt any guilt whatsoever after having relationship with my wife. Somehow, sex with myself feels so wrong, and sex with my wife feels so right and good (although not as fulfilling, but that's another issue). This is a natrual response, and has nothing to do with my belief system (although if you really believe it's okay, you can fight the guilt and it will gradually disappear, but that is not to say that guilt wasn't there). missing zman kr"sh or tefila never feels so bad. 
B'h, in the last two years my relationship with Hashem has constantly been improving. My Emunah is much stronger, mu betuchen has improved tremendously, I talk to him almost every day. The closer we get, the more I feel that being close to him and watching porn and masturbating don't go together. It is probably the one thing that is the most opposite of being close to hashem (far more than any other aviarh, as I mentioned earlier). 

So I would say that the guilt, relationship with Hashem, and the mere fact that as much as I try to stop, it just won't work (which rings like addiction, although I'm still not sure if I am one). Is that a good enough force? I guess time will tell. But somehow I feel that a close relationship with HaShem is a stronger drive than say, a relationship with my wife. I am not talking about the mere fact that I'm a jew and it's usser, rather about a strong personal relationship directly with Hashem. 

Anyways bgit, have a great day, and may we be matzliach to stay clean for TODAY!

Stay away from videos and images as much as possible. I find it fascinating at my enormous ability to justify my use of internet or any useless action for that matter (and my inability to crack a Tosfos ). I'm not saying to completely cut internet out because we need GYE! And other stuff of course. But if you're going to watching wedding videos, workouts, any shows, anything professional which most often assured the actors will dress as provocatively as possible (even Jewish weddings sadly), you no that's a big no no. It's simply not Hashem wants you to do. Other people may be able to handle it but we're an (elite) group for which Hashem set different standards. 
We may or may not share the same struggles but I think the examples I gave are good for anyone in need of recovery.
May Hashem give you the strength to know your boundaries and the discipline to keep them!
A gut little

ומותר האדם מן הבהמה אין כי הכל הבל
what do you accomplish when masturbating? NOTHING! ONLY TEMPORARY SESATION! So you're and animal . A human being acting like an animal is a waste of space because he's not fulfilling his purpose! Hashem created you as part of HIS plan not yours.
Thanks why I think masturbating feels wrong

@LoveU, Hashem
I'm with you, for some reason it really gets to the core of a person unlike anything else.  Maybe because it's so private and it's something we do to our bodies, as opposed to other mitzvos and issurim, we do them but not to ourselves.  We aren't "violating" our bodies as we do them.  Also, the whole point of the feelings of arousal are to connect to people, and when masturbating it's being used to be alone.  It's 180 degrees from what it's supposed to be.

As an aside, and this doesn't take away from your point at all, I'm not sure why you say that at best it's assur midrabanan.  R' Moshe in אה"ע ח"א pg. 155 (first column) seems to hold that it's אסור מדאורייתא and the ב"ח in אה"ע סי כה says וכיון דרחמנא אזהר עלה בלאו דרשינן נמי העונש which sounds like he holds it's also a דאורייתא.  I'm not saying that everyone holds like this, but it's a pretty mainstream opinion to say that it's דאורייתא.  I remember that the אוצר הפוסקים in אה"ע סי' כג' discuss's it but I don't have a copy with me.  Also, for what's it's worth, the מחבר in  סי' כג סעי' א says ועון זה חמור מכל עברות שבתורה which would be a little strange if it wasn't מדאורייתא but at the very least it shows that there is something about it which is worse than all other עברות, lashon hara included.

For anyone reading this out of context, my point here is not to show how bad it is to make myself or anyone else stop, it's just to clarify a halachic point, mainly for academic purposes (in the Torah sense).  This information won't help anyone change their behavior, and will probably just increase feelings of guilt.

@stillGoing

I've been thinking a little bit more about what you said and might be starting to understand it.  Let me know if this is more along the lines of what you meant.  Even though someone might not be lacking fulfillment in a general sense, when he's watching porn or masturbating it's a sign that at that particular time he's kind of lost and doesn't really have direction.  Therefore we should work on increasing meaningful activities in our lives so we won't be lacking meaning at those times.  If that's the case, I think that I agree with it and will think about what to do with down time.

Rabbi Bgit, wow wow! I didn't expect to deal with such great talmidai chachumim here! Thank you for your informative reply.

I might be mistaken, but somehow to me it seems that the Torah sometimes can create issurim for a certain reason but never hit the core of the problem. It just gives us enough details to understand Hashem intentions and the spirit of the law, but never outlaws it directly. Shabbas is a great example. The spirit of shabbas is that one day of the week we cease any endeavors to make a living, to internalise that we are not the ones who bring the money, rather everything is from him, and if he want's he can send us on Friday two portions, so we have enough for Shabbas (see Rav Hirsch on Parshat b'shalach at length). Yet ironically the Torah only prohibits the manufacturing industry, but doesn't mention anything about retailing (מקח וממכר) or the service industry (שכר שבת) , and that is only usserm'drabunun. Even though as mentioned, that goes to the heart of shabbas. (it goes even further; the only melucha that is not directly related to manufacturing is מלאכת הוצאה, and the reason for this usser is to indirectly prevent retailing, which is obviously dependent on the shipping industry (see Sefer Nechamyu 13). Yet still, the Torah will not directly prohibit retailing, It left it for the chachumim.) I don't have a definitive explanation why that is so; I have some theories, but here is not the place.

It appears that masturbation plays the same role. It is at the core of most of the issuri arruyis, yet is never prohibited by the Torah (at least not explicitly). This might explian the strong words of the mechaber even though it's only usser m'drabunun. 

But again, as you said, this won't do any good to anyone, it is merely for academic purposes.

Back to your initial post.

Porn, apart of it being a desire like the desire to eat (although it's much stronger), its main destruction is not in it being a desire, bad lust. Rather, we abuse this desire to fill all our voids in life. So whenever we face a challenge, instead of facing it heads on and trying to solve it, it is far easier to run away and distract ourselves with something. Now that something needs two main criteria; a VERY STRONG DISTRACTION (so it fits all our problems, even the toughest ones) and instant availability. There is nothing better than porn to fit these criteria. That's why is so addictive and so destructive. When I think two minutes before I start watching porn what is my main driver (or should I say trucker?) to do this, the answer will almost always be a tough situation that I'm trying to avoid. Is it stress, criticisms etc. Not lust.

But after all is done, porn will always make my problems worse, not better. Finding myself with a worse situation on my hand than with what I started, I increase the chances to run away to porn again very soon. That's the downwards spiral we are all familiar with. 

So if instead of running to porn, I will work on solving the challenge, I might find that I'm not so lustful after all. 

Those are both really interesting points LoveU,Hashem I'll have to give some serious thought to both of them.

Wrt your first ha'ara, just off the cuff, maybe the reason why Hashem set things up like this is to give us the oppurtunity to bring the Torah into this world ourselves kind of like תורה לא בשמים היא.  I'll have to poke around and talk it out with some people, it's a pretty fascinating insight.
Have a good Yom Tov!

I was really tempted to act out today since I kept saying to myself that I won't have the oppurtunity to do it over Yom Tov so I should just do it now. I'm glad that I caught this thought pattern and tried to just focus on today and not worry about what tomorrow will bring.  I just have to worry about today and daven for that, not for anything later.

I'll be back after Shabbos.  Have a Chag Kasher V'Sameach and Good Shabbos to everyone on GYE!

I'm almost clean for a week.  B"h Yom Tov and Shabbos were pretty easy, out of sight out of mind.  Tonight I got into a little argument with my wife, which would usually have led to me acting out to relieve the tension.  Instead I went to exercise which really helped out.  I wonder if that's a sign that things are slowly changing with me?

I'm having a little bit of a hard time today.  I'm not sure what's causing it today.  I just have to stay clean for today though.

I had some falls last night and this morning.  I was reading the GYE book and it talked about what hitting bottom means and how it's related to the first step of admitting you are powerless over your addiction.  I understood what they were saying to be that the main thing is to realize that whatever level your addiction is on, you are powerless over it.  I don't think that it has to be getting worse or completely destroying your life, just that at whatever level it's at, it's uncontrollable.  I'm starting to see that more clearly now.  To someone who knows how this works, is this true?

If uncontrollable means that you really want to stop because you realize this is COMPLETELY WRONG but you can't because the tayvah is too strong then probably yes.
please remember that everyome is different there even if GYE says you must hit rock bottom first, please don't continue to act out until you think you've hit it. Hitting rock bottom simply means that you'll probably get out of it due to your determination. 
Thus, even if part of you really wants to start acting out, remember the other half that says no. You dont have to support the side that rejects acting out and argue in favor of it. Just says NO!
Because you know deep down that you don't want to act out.

prince of the King of kings! Get up and never stop ticking no matter the circumstances 

Things haven't been much better today then yesterday. I'm really starting to question if I'm serious about becoming clean or not.  I'm really afraid that the answer is that I'm not really interested, and am just playing a game here.

You write clearly and honestly.

Too much thinking though imho.

The reason we don't succeed isn't because we haven't made enough dramatic commitments and bold statements saying "no more, and never again!". 

We need to DO something. Not THINK something. 

You are on this site. Why the hell would you be here if you don't give a damn about quitting porn?

Peace 

Yes I agree. Bgit, think like Nike and just do it