Sci,

It appears from your historical posts that you have included your wife in this battle. I'm so afraid of sharing this problem with her...l'ma'sah; she's a very fum woman who would be so upset...even if I am trying to correct my actions...at least that's what i think...what do you or anyone else think?

Thanks!

Y

I think it depends on your particular situation. Do you have a rebbe or someone close to you that you trust that you can discuss it with, and ask his advice?

Allaloneontop my heart goes out to you.  Later on today I will have time to respond better but hang in there.  It is a big choice for you and must make the right choice for your ownself.

Thanks Sci for the advice and Battle...I have a very good friend/business partner who knows and is my rock here. He consistently asks me...is this street a trigger for you...or, you can't watch this because there will be a trigger...he's mamash great...he also has all the passwords to my filters and is very makpid not to share ;-). But I just feel so weird that there is such an important/significant part of my life where she has no part...btw, my Rebbe has an idea but has not probed...I think he's too scared to probe...he may not want the truth...

Y

Sci, forgive the thread hijack, but since the question arose here I'm thinking I should answer here.

I have personal thought here. Might not relate at all, so please don't act on them. But as background... here goes.

Sharing with my wife in a way that makes HER feel better and closer and all that -- that's good. But sharing with my wife because _I_ don't want to feel like a hypocrite or get caught or whatever -- that's just selfish. As selfish as masturbating, if I can be so crude.

So if there's a way to share this in a way that increases intimacy over the long run (even if the short-term is terrifying) -- great! "Yes, dear, I wouldn't tell you this except I love you more than anything in the world and I want to bring my part to the marriage in the best way -- the way you deserve... blah blah."

If the time's not right for that, maybe sharing's not right either. Unless she's gonna find your web history or zona's phone number or whatever so that you're "toast" in any case.

Find yourself a Rav is so so so so important. And so scary. But you think he's never heard stuff like this? Worse? Come on. Once you break trump with him, you'll have a big load off your chest. Plus someone who can help you navigate life's troubles. I can't imagine being even alive today if I hadn't had one.

Dear NotAAOT: I hear such purity of heart in your posts. If your wife still sees that, or remembers that from the old days before you took your passion into your own hands , or wants to get closer to it... you'll find a way.

PS: Wow, that you have a friend and partner to keep passwords, keep you off bad streets, etc. I NEVER had that. Am I allowed to be jealous (al pi halacha)?

Briut good points made no need to worry.  Telling the wife is a hard thing. 

It's another great day that G-d has granted me.  I am working hard but not seem to be getting anywhere.  At least what I do is for myself and family.  No one to answer to is great.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

Sigh. Life feels like that sometimes, right?

But the true progress in ourselves. Yourself. And that, my friend, is beautiful. As difficult as it may be to focus on that, please try.

allaloneontop wrote on 29 Jun 2010 00:13:


Generally, it's better to wait until you've got some solid recovery behind you.  THEN, you can consider it.

  --Eye.

I didn't tell either, I breath in and say: This one day, this one  minute is for me and you (my wife). Baruch Hashem, I want to have a family, and you are my family, and with no other would I want a family. Baruch Hashem you make me smile.

Good Shabbos my friend!

Standing strong today and the last few.  Couple of bumps with my wife but with work and G-d's help all will end up good.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

Another day clean and sober.  Today is today.  I have bumps in the road with my wife as I think all married couples go through.  Some days it seems no matter what you do your wife and yourself can't do anything wrong to each other.  Some other days no matter what you do makes your partner upset.  I think my wife and I have been going through a rough patch of having more days of being annoyed at each other then good days.  I can't figure out why this is.  However, if you have a strong marriage all works out in the end.  Walls go up and walls come down and what is still there under it all is love.  Pure love is and true love is hard to come by.  We are humans and as humans we make mistakes and it can be as little or as big but it's how we come out of the mistake is what matters.  Maybe I make more mistakes then some, and maybe tolerance is lower on some days for a partners mistake, but as a couple we miss one main point.  True love can have boundaries set by people but the love will get through the wall no matter what.  G-d loves us and no matter how we act we know his love shines through the wall we put up to him if we act on our allergy.  Every loving relationship is the same I think.

Every day is another chance to show G-d you are a better person and today I plan to be a better person.  More loving, more caring and most important more understanding.

No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

poppin in to say hi. miss you. thanx for visiting my journal. hope your new career is taking off well.

Your journal is amazing. i'm so proud of your honesty and fearlessness.

KUTGW my friend. Remember i'm thinking of you often, even if I'm not around.

Another pretty good day today.  I was thinking today about life with allergies.  Having them and having once been through some dark times with them make me understand how allergies makes you feel.  You know, G-d created people to have allergies for a reason.  I have thought about this a lot today and seem to think it's that G-d puts a challenge to a person to say, "You have an obsticle in life, how are you going to deal with it?  Weak or strong??" 

I choose everyday to be strong against my allergies for many reasons.  I also choose to take the steps not to have a reaction to my allergies due to stupidity.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

Sci-guy,

VERY well said. Might I just add that Hashem gives us challenges so that we'll TALK TO HIM, to daven for help, guidance and strength. It's OK to feel up to the challenges and to turn them positive, but we must not attribute our strength entirely to ourselves. Only our will to do is ours, strength and success are His to give out as he pleases. We can only choose to fight the battles, we are not in control of whether we win. Fears also come to us, sent by Hahsem, so we can ask Him to remove them.

The beracha of "Shehakol Nehiyeh B'Devarov" said on foods that don't grow from the ground is followed by it's after beracha "Borei Nefashos Rabbos V'CHESRONON..." That means "Who has created many living beings AND WHAT THEY ARE LACKING..." Why are we first thanking Hashem for creating us with NEEDS, like the need to eat, and then finishing the beracha thanking him for creating all sorts of foods for us to fill that need? Wouldn't it be a bigger NEIS if he created us completely self-sufficient? The answer the Sages give is exactly this point - He created us insufficient SO THAT WE'LL NEED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. So that we'll realize that only HE can fulfill our needs, and then ASK HIM FOR THEM.

That's why the punishment of the Snake, to "eat dust", is really a curse. His food is readily available everywhere he goes. Hashem is telling the Nachosh, "Here is everything you'll ever need. I never want to hear from you again!"

So when you choose to be strong, don't forget to ASK Hashem to give of his UNLIMITED strength to you, to fulfill his will.

Have an AWESOME and HOLY SHABBOS, my dear friend.

Nicely said, both Sci and Steve! Thanks!

Keep on rocking!