I started on November 23rd on my 90 days online.  I have been clean since the 19th.  I am feeling a little scared today.  I woke up and said this is going to be another great day that G-d gave me.  It has been a tough day so far.  I decided to log onto the website and not get off.  After reading some and looking back at emails, I am feeling better, but am not going to chance it.  No slips or falls.  I will NOT give up!!!!

Keep up the good work.

Thanks eye.  After a long day, I know I got through it without any slips or falls. 

Beautiful attitude!

This morning I thanked G-d for granting me another day.  I am feeling great today.  I will not slip or fall today again.  This is Day 12 of this journey and starting to realize what destruction I have done to my marriage and myself.  Most important is to work on me and the rest will follow I hope.  Its amazing when you start to see things differently.  Things are certainly not clear or do I fully understand them, but I know if I keep working at it one day they will be.  Learning to love oneself is hard but not trying to love yourself is a killer and more harmful.

Sounds like you're doing great, growing stronger.

If I may add...

  also try to think of what you can start doing now to make things better.  How you can live differently.  What are you going to do with life!

  And this is a more potent cure than focusing on being clean/staying clean, and contemplating the damage we have caused.  The latter also needs to be dealt with, but the former should be our main focus.

Today is Day 14.  I am doing very well and things with my marriage are getting better.  I started working on what I can do to replace the time I spent doing what I was doing.  I actually found that while being at work, if you work the time actually goes faster.  When at home, its easier not to get on the computer and spend time with my kids and wife.  I was missing life.  Yesterday I took in all that I missed.  I had one of the best days of my life yesterday.  Yes, there were stresses at work and home but they we LIFE!!!  I was not hiding from it. 

Eye, you are right, the more you do for living the better off you are.  I'm not sure what I will fill it in with completely but I got a start yesterday after listening to your post.  THANK YOU!!!!

No slips or falls and no plans to do so.

Sounds like you're doing great.

Day 15 has started off great.  I thanked G-d this morning for being able to have another day.  Life continues to give.  In a much needed surprise, something that I really wanted didn't happen.  In the past I would have ran to my crutch.  This morning I didn't even think about that crutch.  I went forward to think about what can I do about living.  It turns out that thinking about what to do with your life is much more important then the thoughts of slipping or falling.

sci1977 wrote on 04 Dec 2009 14:58:


You've got it!

Sci,

You are definitely inspiring!
Keep inspiring yourself, and us, and enjoy the journey back to life!

Hey sci welcome to the forum. Nice to see another holy yid struggling to get on top. Hatzlacha. And were rootin for ya bro.

Thank you all.  I am just trying to get a grip on everything.  I found out that when you live, the amount of joy you can create is astounding.  All things are moving along including understanding what I have done.  Another day, no slips no falls and not even a thought in my mind to do so.

Glad to hear you're doing so well.

By the way, what does your name stand for?

Day 19 has come.  It seems weird to know that almost three weeks has passed.  I have spent the last day or so, making myself find other outlets for the time I spent.  I have been working like a mad man.  I also have discovered other outlets, like actually trying to talk to my wife and play with the kids.  The best distraction has actually been working.  I used to sit at my desk and figure out what I was going to next for "my desire".  Now I work and am accomplishing much more.  The stress of the day does not get to me anymore.  I think I have taken a step in not letting stress be a trigger.  I wake up every morning now and I tell myself its going to be a good day.  G-d granted me another day to be here, to be with my wife and kids.  It's a weird feeling knowing that just by changing my attitude towards life how much it really works.  Simple but true.  No slips or falls and none needed or wanted. 

Thank you for continued support and I thank G-d everyday for this website and the people on it.