Mazel Tov!!!

Day 91 of being clean and sober.  It's another wonderful day!!  First off, thank you to all the responders of me reaching 90 days.  Silentbattle, yiddle2, guard, imtrying25, noya, steve, cleareyes613, eye, momo and most important, my wife. 

I want to share today something I feel is very important to make sure I get out and off my chest.  The 90 days is for sure a must to get where you want to go.  However, the first day is more important then the rest of those 90.  I look back now and see that at day 1, I knew nothing about myself.  I knew I had a problem but not much else.  At day 1 is when you are actually more brave then any other time.  It shows your ready to give in and try.  I know everyday farther away from the dirty past is a good one, but it would not happened without day 1.  I look in a way at everyday as it is day 1.  For that is the day I found my life and so many wonderful things that go with it.  I found myself more connected to wife, family, and friends.  Most important though is I found myself connected to myself.  I also rekindled my love for G-d.  This journey continues and I know now that there is time for family, G-d, friends and relaxation.  The road is still bumpy.  Life, is so precious.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR- WITH G-D'S HELP!!

I like the way you said that every day is like a day 1 - the same way that day 1 represents a turning away from disease and filth, every day needs to be a conscious turning away from that, turning towards life. And possibly, just as extreme - so that every day, we turn further and further away from that, closer to life.

KOT!!

So this morning I reread the last page or so of my thread and realized how emotional recovery is.  I have closed the door to my office today so I could cry in peace.  I want to point out that every single response has made me cry.  I also got a response in my email from my wife.  There are parts I have taken out but here is her exact words to me regarding hitting 90 days when I sent her exactly what I wrote.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I'm very proud of you, obviously. I know you didn't feel that you had options but you did have options and one was to keep walking forward away from us and the boys and you didn't. You did very much the opposite. I will tell you that you have amazed me. I never thought that we would make it-from my side of the fence or yours. Whatever you thought was dark I felt it was possibly completely black. I wanted to put up a wall that you couldn't break down no matter what. Instead of that you showed me that you loved me, and little by little I saw that you loved yourself too.
I feel like your best friend, and I want to be that person.  Spiritually you showed me that you can be something for me to be proud of, and I am.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I wanted share what she wrote as she made me cry more then anyone.  My heart is filled with much love.  Thank you all once again.  My beautiful wife, thank you for everything!  My words can't express my feelings for you very well. 

May G-d Bless you and your amazing wife, and bless you both with tremendous Love and Joy with each other for the rest of your lives, may they be long and healthy. Your children will also grow to be so special, because of the example of love, patience and esiliency which you both show by example.

I am over awed by both of you. I have no more words....

I'm crying, too - I'm so happy for you, my friend.

I also think that in your wife's letter is a lesson we need to learn about doing teshuva in general - there can be walls, and everything can seem completely black, even blacker than we realize...but hashem is always there for us, and we can always return.

I can't get cake to everyone.  So I figure a picture will have to do!!  Thanks to all one more time regarding my 90 days.  Enjoy the picture!!  I can smell the cake now.  Got to run to the kitchen to get a piece of dessert.

Yummy! Can I bring some stuff to the party, too?

In all seriousness, I know how much you wish you could actually give all of us cake - so I'm going to make sure to have some extra cake over shabbos, and have in mind that it's from you!

Beautiful post about every day is the 1st day.

Also, I read your wife's E-mail on the chizzuk E-mail.  I cried!

KUTGW,

--Eye.

Have a good shabbos sci. Keep it rollin. And im sure you realize by now you have a very very special wife. But it doesnt hurt hearing it again so i said it.

Day 92 of being clean and sober.  It's a good day.  I decided I will count to 180.  I look at my life and I beleive I am not only on the right path of life but getting to be a much better husband.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.  Good SHabbos all!

I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR-WITH G-D'S HELP!!

Our goal in life is to become a better person. The more we become the person we're supposed to be, the person we can be, the better we are in all areas - a better friend, husband, father, etc.

KOT!!

Good Shabbos, Sci, and Good Shabbos to all his faithful admirers...

Steve wrote on 19 Feb 2010 17:39:


Theres only a few, but those keep me going.  Thanks for stopping by.  I am working on something about people posting in my thread and relating it to the 90 days and beyond.  It really helps so much. 

and im25, thanks for reminding me my wife is amazing.

and SB, one day at a time life gets better the more clean you are.

eye, this might be corny, but I don't care, thank you for crying. 

...I can even do it again if you want.