Day 90 of being clean and sober. (Another day for MM.) Thank you G-d, thank you G-d, thank you G-d. How do you even come close to understanding that is momentous but still so small of an accomplishment at the same time. My gratitude is immense and I will forever remember these 90 days probably more then any 90 days of my life. Because it is where I found living. I feel like a four year old that just got to open up his biggest box birthday present. The only difference is instead of getting a toy or a video game I received something better, life. Life was in a huge box with a big bow. My attitude has been always to stay positive. I have laughed, I have cried, I have been forthcoming with my deepest most honest feelings.
So a few things I want to make sure I mention because if I don’t as a human I will kick myself. Be true to oneself and honest to yourself in your recovery process. Think of everyday as day 1. I have counted but I feel like the count really doesn’t matter. It’s how you live that counts. Live the change you want to make. Be true to your friends. Don’t forget them in death, MM I miss you, cause if you forget them you forget your past. It’s not that we need to forget our past. Remembering who I was is certainly a great reminder to continue on this journey. I was an angry little man. A small admission that really needs to be said on this day. I am far from where I need to be but I am not where I was. One day at a time with courage and determination. On a long trip you can find yourself.
I look at where I need to go and I know I am so far away. G-d give me the power to be powerless the rest of my life. This voyage is for the rest of my life. I will continue to lean on pillars of strength G-d and my wife. I look to them for guidance in good and bad. If you look at the addiction like an allergy it helps.
The one word I would use to describe the last 90 days is, work. You have to work on yourself to get somewhere. That’s right work on yourself. Introspection of one self is the best and most positive thing you can do. You can find out what makes you tick as a person. I’ve had ups and downs but have noticed that when you pace yourself instead of trying to hard is when I found huge changes for me happened. It’s when I really noticed it’s a long journey. I am not just sprinting to get to then end of that day. It’s an introspection that made me understand you can’t get far internally without thinking with a calm, cool, and collected head. Life is life and everyday I need to remember that.
A positive attitude is a must. Without it, I know I would not have made it this long. I have tried to figure out how to write an outline of what worked for me. But instead of formally writing it I am going to make bullet points.
Tell your story
Thank G-d for everything and understand he is everything.
Be positive about your life but more importantly yourself.
Say good bye to your past but don’t forget the past.
Say hello to living and live the change you are trying to make
Love your self
Love your family especially your spouse.
Be honest and work on yourself.
Rely on friends or family when things get tough.
Find outlets of relaxation, for me its sports.
Lastly before I close completely I want to thank these people for sure. I have compiled a list over the last 90 days on the two threads who have responded or wrote something. Thank you to all for you have given me something both as individuals and as a team member can give.
Eye.nonomous, silent battle, Imtrying25, Momo, Noya, Guard, Kedusha, Bards, 7up, Kollel guy, rage atm, Aryehtahor, human being, Ano nymous, Tomim2b, Me3, Habaletaher, Loi-misyaeish, Steve, one life, G38, think good, Struggla21, Yiddle2, Sturggle, Shlomo, Shmilu, Wewillnotbeforsaken,
(MM, A huge inspiration to finish this 90 days has been for you. I hope to one day be eulogized like you were.)
Oy vey, G-d get me through this without so many tears. My wonderful beautiful wife. You and you alone were the one to put me on this path. Words can do this no justice. I hope you feel I have worked hard and really understand that I am not here without you. This could have been our end and instead we turned it into a positve. Honestly, not easy but we have. Our road is I know still bumpy. You are my sun and more important you are my muse. With every ounce of my being, thank you.
I am eternally grateful to be where I am, on a good and moral journey. Thank you G-d and thank you my excellent wife and GYE.
No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.
I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR- WITH G-D’S HELP!!
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