It's filling up slowly but steady.  Thanks for always being there SB.  You say it must be incredible to wake up to life, but you have too.  It's sort of funny, MM's eulogy we laughed, we cried and we certainly remembered his life.  But most importantly I realized how many he touched with kindness and being genuine.  I strive for that and strive to just live one second at a time.  Live, laugh and love- it's the only thing to do for yourself and I beleive that is exactly what G-d wants for us.

And I'm sure he would have wanted it to be exactly like that...

I agree - that is exactly what God wants from us.

Hey Ano, just realized something you wrote is very true.  He died the same way he lived.  Selfless. And if we are going to be what we want to be isn't selfless a big key to it??  Thanks for your words.

OK this day got a little sticky with my wife.  I asked her a question about a romantic issue and she got really upset.  I know I was wrong.  Sorry my wonderful wife.  I should have realized I should talk like that or even thought about the question.  Honestly, I can call myself a true idiot for doing what I did.  No slips or falls stilll.

We all make mistakes - the question is, what do we do afterward, how do we respond and recover, what do we learn?

My therapist once told me that he recommended getting into a fight with a girl before getting engaged...

sci1977 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 01:19:


Well, it looks like you are handling thing pretty good.  Sometimes the idea isn't "how to avoid a fight," but rather, "how do you handle things afterwards."

Keep up the good work.

  --Eye.

Day 55 of being clean and sober.  I am having a pretty great day so far.  Another day for MM.  My first thought this morning when I woke up after I did my normal routine was to remind myself of how stupid I was yesterday for making a dumb, insensitive comment to my wife.  I know she is still probably unhappy with what I said but I know we will work on it and all will end up fine in the end.  A good little bump in the marriage.  I made a mistake and how I and my wife get out of that mistake is something I believe will make us stronger.  I am really working towards being selfless.  I know that the true great people in this world have always been selfless. 

I have been keeping up with something eye has been talking about.  Do we have a computer addiction?  And I really think that the computer has wonderful tools on it.  It also has some bad, very bad things on it.  I don’t know if I am addicted to the computer, but I know I am addicted to where the bad things lead to.  I am addicted to playing chess on my computer, No.  Am I addicted to email for work, No.  So I am starting to think that its not the computer or gateway to all that is bad for me.  I am addicted to a very specific item that you can get through on the computer. 

I am working little by little at letting G-d make my choices for me.  I had a huge problem at work yesterday that I knew the company that I work for had a day to figure out.  I was speaking to a coworker and realized that if we do something one way, we hurt our company, if we do it how we want to do it, we hurt the customer and could lose them.  I said, let me sleep on it and we will figure it out in the morning.  Well, this morning came and all of a sudden it was very clear, after talking to G-d about it on my drive to work, there was a wonderful solution.  Compromise was the right way to go.  I swear G-d told me exactly what to say.  It was like I was having an out of body experience.  (It was very cool.) 

One other thought that I guess will be followed by me tomorrow because I really need to ponder this one, is how great friends can be.  How they make you stronger and how in true fashion can help you in times of being scared, nervous, and sad?

No slips of falls, non needed or wanted.  I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR-WITH G-D’S HELP!!!

I love your awareness of the importance of your relationship with your wife, and your confidence in constantly improving things, despite occasional bumps.

Being selfless is a fantastic goal...it's something we need to work for, in every area of our lives, it's absolutely essential. R' Dessler has a long piece on "giving," which is pretty much the same thing, and it's one of his best known pieces, as well as being incredibly deep. I've learned it numerous times, and still can't claim to fully understand it. One of the things he says is that everything we think, say, or do, is in some way rooted in either giving or taking.

It is really cool when you feel god putting words in your mouth - you should post that in the hugs section!

Thanks SB.  Constantly you support me and cheer me on.  Thank you so much!!  As for deep meaning I totally agree, everything is about give or take. 
On the marriage front my wife is trying to forgive me and thats all I can ask for.  The friend who died, had a simple way of looking at marriage.  He always said marriage was a rollercoaster.  Just be one of the ones in the front.  It's much more fun and scary that way!!! 
As for me, highs and lows in marriage will always happen, how you deal with them is what makes you either powerful or weak of mind and heart. 

Well said...but I think we're also trying to overall, go higher and higher, and I'm fairly certain that you're doing that 

SB, trying to go higher and higher.  It's not easy!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks for all the encouragement.

Wow, that took a lot of humility to admit you should sleep over that problem at work.

I hope things smooth out with you and your wife soon.

Day 56 of being clean and sober.  I feel good today.  Yesterday I starting to think about friends and what friends mean to me.  I have long time friends that I guess over time have slipped through the cracks of marriage, kids, ect.  Without much question in my own head, my wife truly is my best friend.  I can talk to her about anything.  Name it we have most likely discussed it or would.  Family gets you through the toughest of times due to they are usually around for the moments of sheer happiness to the deepest sadness.  But friends, there job is different.  They get you to smile again or get you to realize you still have life all around you.  I thank G-d for wonderful friends.  These are the people you choose to spend time with.  These are the people that care for you because they want to, they certainly don’t have to. 

My friends have gotten me through to this point.  My wife is one of my friends and I have to acknowledge her first and foremost.  However, there are other friends, my GUE friends that are here for me everyday.  EVERYDAY!!!  Some might not show up, some might not read what I write but I can read their thread.  We are the ultimate in friends.  We care for each other, we look after each other, heck we even ask how they are doing if they have not updated in a day. 

Then we have our friends in our lives that we always have that have no clue regarding our addiction.  I keep thinking of these friends that don’t realize how much they help me get through the day.  I might think of a story they told, or maybe you talk to them in person or phone or email and it reminds you what they are.  I don’t know how many times my friends have gotten me through this.  I know G-d is there for me no matter what.  I am glad to know and happy that friends are there too.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR-WITH G-D’S HELP!!!

Day 57 being clean and sober.  I am feeling good today.  Yesterday was one for the record books of what else can happen to me today.  Got through it without any problems.  Made my wife mad when my car broke down and was not very nice about an upcoming family event.  This morning I called her on my way to work to talk.  Next thing I knew I was getting my head handed to me and I usually do a good job of trying to listen to her.  Today I was not as good at it and lashed out at her for something unrelated to the argument.  WHAT AN IDIOT I AM!!!  I am sorry to my wife as always it seems in fights lately she is on the right side of the fence I am the one on the wrong side.  I need to sometimes remember to keep my cool.  Maybe later I will feel like writing more.  No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.

I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WARS- WITH G-D'S HELP!!!

Hey, Sci...

Glad to see that you're still fighting the good fight...not always perfect, but alwasy aware, and working...

Sorry for bailing on you he last day or so.