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TOPIC: Reflections 23888 Views

Re: Reflections 08 May 2017 16:59 #312550

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Chaimel!! Wonderful posts! Hatzlacha with the Shidduch. (my rebbe always gave me the bracha when I was dating to have yishras hadaas (clarity of thinking). IT can be a beautiful time, but it can also be a bit confusing emotionally. like a roller coaster, at least in my experience. May Hashem bless you and your efforts and may you see much bracha and hatzlacha in your personal and parsha related growth )

Remember it's just one day at a time!!

I love your positive attitude. (I relate very much to your depression, I haven't been to formal therapy, but It is something I work on on a regular basis). but You sound great and sincere in your simchas hachaim and it is really inspiring!!!

Re: Reflections 08 May 2017 17:12 #312552

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TzedekChaim wrote on 08 May 2017 16:59:
Chaimel!! Wonderful posts! 

Thank you very much for the kind words and encouragement!


Question to all:
as dating goes on I'm supposed to be getting 'into it' obviously. But that makes things much more difficult, having this girl on my mind all day. Am I supposed to continue trying with the same tools I've used until now or start with new ones? 
It feels like a contradiction to have your head stuck in it and still remain pure.

im realizing just how much more difficult this must be after being married (niddah, moods, babies, etc)  

Generally at night these days i start heading to sleep and take out my phone to get on GYE before my mind may start wondering. But then I start typing a post trying to keep a clean mind and as I'm typing in the back of my head I'm lusting away!!! Aaaaahhhhh!

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 04:12 #312621

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Day 0.  unsure how to proceed
Last Edit: 09 May 2017 04:14 by Chaimel.

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 04:32 #312624

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Chaimel wrote on 08 May 2017 17:12:

TzedekChaim wrote on 08 May 2017 16:59:
Chaimel!! Wonderful posts! 


Thank you very much for the kind words and encouragement!


Question to all:
as dating goes on I'm supposed to be getting 'into it' obviously. But that makes things much more difficult, having this girl on my mind all day. Am I supposed to continue trying with the same tools I've used until now or start with new ones? 
It feels like a contradiction to have your head stuck in it and still remain pure.

im realizing just how much more difficult this must be after being married (niddah, moods, babies, etc)  

Generally at night these days i start heading to sleep and take out my phone to get on GYE before my mind may start wondering. But then I start typing a post trying to keep a clean mind and as I'm typing in the back of my head I'm lusting away!!! Aaaaahhhhh!

A young healthy man dating will have nisyonos. Its normal and natural. Much has been written about how husbands should not view wives as pleasure objects but rather as people they want to support and give to. Similarly when thinking about a date you are excited about, veer away from the sexual thoughts and concentrate on her good qualities and how you can help nurture them. No, its not easy, but it can be done. Do you have a rebbi you can speak this over with?
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Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 08:31 #312633

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Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 11:06 #312642

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Chaimel wrote on 09 May 2017 04:12:
Day 0.  unsure how to proceed

Sorry to hear 
First step was already done beautifully reaching out...
next read from the post that the link sends you to and read the next 2 pages....
After that keep on posting or post now and read later

KOMTNMW
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 15:14 #312666

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Thank you everyone for caring and for riding the waves with me.
just trying to stay focused through the haze right now.
more later.

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 17:37 #312669

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Thinking of buying a pair of undershirt tzitzis to wear at night in order to help keep my thoughts more pure, thoughts anyone?
Last Edit: 09 May 2017 17:37 by Chaimel.

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 17:41 #312670

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They say the pants ones are more affective
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 17:43 #312671

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Chaimel wrote on 09 May 2017 17:37:
Thinking of buying a pair of undershirt tzitzis to wear at night in order to help keep my thoughts more pure, thoughts anyone?

Won't work if you don't also wear a gartle

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 17:48 #312673

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Chaimel wrote on 09 May 2017 17:37:
Thinking of buying a pair of undershirt tzitzis to wear at night in order to help keep my thoughts more pure, thoughts anyone?

Try it; let us know please.

DoDo the tzitzis help durin' the day?
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Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 17:59 #312675

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"Hashem Help Me" post=312624 date=1494304330 catid=4

A young healthy man dating will have nisyonos. Its normal and natural. Much has been written about how husbands should not view wives as pleasure objects but rather as people they want to support and give to. Similarly when thinking about a date you are excited about, veer away from the sexual thoughts and concentrate on her good qualities and how you can help nurture them. No, its not easy, but it can be done. Do you have a rebbi you can speak this over with?


I don't generally sexualize women, yet somehow it's happening more often with this date and thank you for pointing that out. B'ezras hashem will try as you said to focus on the good qualities when I'm with her. Is that supposed to apply when I'm not with her?

I think now I can understand why it says without 'taivas nashim' people wouldn't get married.

i am very close with a rebbi that guided me through therapy and the like. Really didn't think of discussing it with him, not that he wouldn't understand just seems like a hard thing to describe and constantly follow up with.



"MayanHamisgaber" post=312670 date=1494351688 catid=4
They say the pants ones are more affective



"GrowStrong" post=312671 date=1494351818 catid=4
Won't work if you don't also wear a gartle


  



"cordnoy" post=312673 date=1494352082 catid=4Try it; let us know please.
DoDo the tzitzis help durin' the day?



Will do bli neder starting tonight


Not specifically but I'm thinking that at night they are literally 'right there' and they'll be an extra line of defense

Last Edit: 09 May 2017 18:16 by Chaimel.

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 18:32 #312677

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B'hatzlacha rabba u'm'ruba
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 21:01 #312706

Chaimel wrote on 09 May 2017 17:37:
Thinking of buying a pair of undershirt tzitzis to wear at night in order to help keep my thoughts more pure, thoughts anyone?

I think that leaving your phone outside the bedroom may be even more effective. (I use the tzitzis to tie my pants closed, works wonders.)

Sorry about your fall. I'm just getting up myself. Let's walk together. No need for perfection, only progress. Seems like you're making alot of it B"H. 

Tzitizis never stopped me, but hey, don't think it can hurt. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
Last Edit: 09 May 2017 21:04 by Ihavestrength.

Re: Reflections 09 May 2017 21:36 #312723

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Ihavenostrength wrote on 09 May 2017 21:01:

Chaimel wrote on 09 May 2017 17:37:
Thinking of buying a pair of undershirt tzitzis to wear at night in order to help keep my thoughts more pure, thoughts anyone?

I think that leaving your phone outside the bedroom may be even more effective. (I use the tzitzis to tie my pants closed, works wonders.)

Sorry about your fall. I'm just getting up myself. Let's walk together. No need for perfection, only progress. Seems like you're making alot of it B"H. 

Tzitizis never stopped me, but hey, don't think it can hurt. 

Perhaps use your tie or belt and have your hands tied to the bed posts.
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

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