Tu B'Shevat is a start of a new day.  I hope the tree planted will yield the fruit of shmiras habris.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

May you be forever fruitful! 

Orange you glad you plumbed into GYE? We're a grape bunch of guys who, like you, are just trying to fig-ure it all out.

Just watch out if we ask you on a date. Besides, you barley know us.

Tateh_Beygel wrote on 11 Feb 2017 11:40:

Amen.  Welcome to the place that will iyh help you get to where you want. We will be here to cheer along. How can we help? What's your story?

Welcome,

B'hatzlachah

Olive this post! --- That was cute.  I hope you had a great Tu B'Shevat.  My shul hosted a Tu B'Shevat seder.

Nice! Did you have figs? We had figs. I haven't had them since I became frum. Insect checking? To hell with that, it's Tu b'Shevat!!

      The very short version of my story is that I am the son of a Jewish father who after decades of struggling with SSA, is working to leave that life behind AND become Jewish in its Modern Orthodox stripe.  While learning about Judaism, I am also working on being a real friend to others instead of "self-serving" friendships.  I am also working on becoming more assertive instead of people-pleasing.  
     I moved from New York to Texas in August, and while I had resolved to start a "new life" then, my old issues moved with me, and I soon found myself into troubles:  Flirting with many men, having sex with some, and trying to live out sexual fantasies.  I was pining away for men who lived in other cities and states, and also looking for men closer to where I lived.  Soon I was finding myself depressed, coming in late to work, hardly working, and excessively engaging in motzi zerah l'vatallah. 

     So for me, the 90-day challenge is not just about abstinence from mz"l, but working to make genuine healthy connections with men, being a true friend, and becoming more assertive and stable instead of people pleasing.

     

   

And that's the aim of all 12 step and recovery programs too!! Total spiritual transformation!

So wait, to clarify, are you Jewish? Converting?

For recovery matters and this struggle, it makes no difference. The road is wide enough for all who wish to walk it.

We had each one of the seven species, (except maybe barley), but the wheat and barley were represented through cake and cookies.  It was my first Orthodox experience of a Tu B'Shevat seder. 

I am going through the process of conversion now..turning "half-Jewish" to truly Jewish.