Thanks for taking the time to write this up. I think you are talking about motivation. I also think it's hard to say which of your behaviors really motivates you. You would be the best person to find that out with your own experiments though.

Alright, screw the 12 steps. 

You only need 2 IMHO.

1. Cultivate a rich social life.

2. Watch your addiction get a heck of a lot weaker (or dare I say it, disappear?).

Why does this work? I don't know really. It's like the video in Markz's signature says, the opposite of addiction is connection. 

I resisted this for a while. Why? I guess cause I wanted to find a solution that allowed me to be self-sufficient, one that would allow me to meet all my needs by myself.

I wanted to believe and know that if I was the only person left on earth, I would be alright, by myself. 

But seriously, I believe this actually. Get friends.

"But, Ihavestrength, I don't really know anyone!"

"That's ridiculous, everyone knows someone."

"But maybe they won't want to talk with me!" 

"There definitely will be people who won't want to talk to you. Find someone who will. This requires work!

Reach out to people and strengthen your network, get closer to people you already know, and try meeting new people." 

DISCLAIMER: Please take everything I'm writing with seven grains of salt. I write facetiously, but I only mean to express things that seem to be working for me. I'm not telling anyone what to do, cause frankly, this may be BS : ) So use at your own risk, and don't forget, always drink responsibly.

Cool that you were able to whittle it down.

I bet watching (2) is as important as socializing (1), if I understood your post.

Doing alright thank G-d.

There is hope in this life. 

Take courage the saying goes, it's not something we are born with. 

Peace 

Setbacks in recovery don't make anyone feel good. When the next one happens, maybe remind yourself of this:

There are other people out there, feeling these same negative emotions, in this very moment.

Feeling like there is a lot of BS and pontificating on the forum recently. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 24 Oct 2017 00:43:

This is a repost. Came across this today and it helped me, perhaps it will help someone else.

Sometimes we need extra chizuk and some time out to get a clearer mind and maybe connect with someone. Next, we need to know when it's time to move on with our day.

Without you giving specific examples, that’s a pretty broadly negative comment with nothing constructive that can come from it.

What point were you trying to make? 

Workingguy wrote on 30 Nov 2018 20:45:

I guess I didn't like that people were overloading the forum with really long posts that were either really long and complicated/made no sense, or really spammy. I felt that there was such a high volume of those posts that they were actually defining the atmosphere on the forum (for what defines the atmosphere of a forum other than the posts within it?). 

Just one man's opinion though. Things are looking a lot better since I've been here last. 

P.S. Sorry for the late response lol. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 27 Sep 2017 03:57:

I'll take the calmness any day of the week - over the stress; certainly the wife's stress. I don't know how i find all these posts that speak right to me and my situation, and to several others on the email thread.

Trouble wrote on 26 Mar 2019 03:11:

Ha! I actually don't really believe this anymore I also try to do everything I can to be in the calm zone vs the stress space. 

I think what I was TRYING to say, but didn't quite understand at the time, was that it's important to feel NEEDED and useful, even though hypothetically things would be calmer if I would have no responsibilities and would be left alone. 

I'm not sure if you were saying that posts on this thread speak to you or not, but if you were, that's awesome and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside  

Good Shabbos Peeps!

Early morning reflections...

It's been a while since I first got on this site. I first started posting on the forums in Feb 2017, so a bit more than 2 years. I guess I can say that this site helped me. When I first got on I was only able to go a bit more than a month without masturbating or looking at porn. Now, I've been able to collect some impressive streaks. Over a year without masturbating, 9 months without porn, multiple streaks of over 4 months without slipping at all. Now at close to seven months without masturbating. These things don't seem that valuable to me now, but I suppose to my younger self of two years, these feats would have seemed impossible. I suppose a GYE thank you is in order, so I say thank you.

Why am I writing now? Why, in the wee hours of the morning? Well, I slipped. I went on youtube and watched some asmr videos. They aren't supposed to be sexual really, but most of them feature women, some who aren't dressed modestly, and something in me hoped these videos would give me relief. I also touched myself in a sexual manner (without masturbating). I'm having a hard time sleeping. I'm having a rough time in general. 

There are things I've explored besides GYE on my road to freedom. I found a recovery buddy who I spoke with on the phone and met up with in person. We became good friends, and he was a great help to me. I did the first 5 steps or so with him acting as my unofficial sponsor. Later, I went to some SA meetings. I didn't really connect with them. I liked the fellowship it provided but not the philosophy underlies the program. I sought therapy from a psychologist, and went for a few months until I could no longer afford it. Mindfulness meditation was a big help as well. 

Addiction...
Who even knows what that is? I used to think that's what I was; an addict. I related to every anecdotal description of addiction by other alleged sex addicts, and frankly, how else could I explain the actions of a nice jewish boy such as myself, unless I was somehow "out of control"? 

One can pathologize everything if one is determined. Food, phones etc. If all one has is a hammer, than everything looks like a nail. I did some reading. Turns out the evidence for sex addiction is abysmal. Turns out that even if people have mental, or environmental factors which affect their sexuality, it may be more helpful to focus on those causes rather than labeling them as having a disease, 

So, I went from someone who is diseased to someone who started recognizing that most objections and even negative feelings I have towards acting out or viewing porn comes from my beliefs and morals, and the resulting conflict between those beliefs and my actions. 

I don't know what the point is here really lol. I'm not really trying to make, just needed to get some of this stuff off my mind. Thanks for listening.  

Your post is a very useful warning.
This "ASMR" craze is very current.
I have not seen one of these videos but have read about them.
I will avoid them.

Well done for not masturbating...your were tested, went very close to falling, you slipped, but showed immense strength not to fall, and in my opinion you passed the test and the good that resulted was a warning to others.

ColinColin wrote on 06 May 2019 12:34:

Thanks man, I appreciate that.