Hashem Help Me wrote on 14 Feb 2017 02:22:

I agree. Reading my entire thread is a massive sign of withdrawal

But I must say I'm touched. Did you learn anything? I'm a completely transformed person since last July, BH BH BH!!! May it be with you.

Is it you don't want to do leisure things, or you would like to, but feel guilty that you're not learning?
Do you want to learn in Yeshiva? Will getting a degree be a healthier discourse for you? A greater sense of purpose? Try not to do things just because you're expected to do them.

Good questions. I don't have any good answers right now. 

I was looking at my personal 90 day chart and I realized I was counting the days wrong. Apparently today is day 4, not yesterday. So here goes.

Day 4: Have a really sore throat. Think it's from the exercise yesterday, breathing in all the cold air through my mouth. Then I got pretty nauseous from taking advil on an empty stomach. Tough life eh?

I noticed something else on my personal chart/calender. My 90th day is the day after pesach sheini. I thought that was cool since pesach sheini is all about second chances. I wish I could speed up time...

I started crossing off days on the personalized calendar via a PDF editor. It makes me feel as if I'm making a mark on the chart, actually progressing. It's funny, because usually I would try not to focus on days. In fact I usually fell when I did. However, right now I'm in a place where I'm not trying to forget or distract myself from the problem. I need a goal. So I count the days. I also need to believe that even if I notice how many days I've done or didn't do, it's always my responsibility to choose. 

Your attitude is great. Refuah shleima on your throat. Keep up the exercise. Hatzlocha!

Thanks. Btw here is something I read today. It's from a book called "10% happier" by Dan Harris. He's writing about his addiction to cocaine. Reading this gave me an expanded definition of withdrawal symptoms. It's not only the discomfort from prolonged abstinence from the "drug", but also the low that follows it's usage. I presume that this is what you and singularity were referring to when you said I was experiencing "normal and expected withdrawal symptoms". 

"Sadly, the pain of the comedown was proportional to the power of the high. Reality reentered the scene with a pickax. The lesson for the neophyte drug taker was that there is no free lunch, neurologically speaking. On the day after ecstasy, my serotonin stores would be utterly depleted. I often found myself overwhelmed by a soul-sucking sense of emptiness, a hollowed-out husk of a man." 

Ihavenostrength wrote on 15 Feb 2017 04:57:

We act out as a way of dealing with stress. If we no longer act out, we actually need to deal with stress.

But how?

Find alternative methods to relieve it, I suppose. Each person is different. Some through exercise others through writing.

Although I should say I have moved beyond the point where it's the way I get through my day. I usually fall after about month and then get back up right away.

What usually makes me fall is less about everyday stresses and more about not having anything enjoyable or fulfilling going on in my life. I don't think it's possible to live without real pleasure. I think we need to find something that gives us healthy pleasure and meaning.

I like it.

Now it's up to you. Find the meaning!

Ihavenostrength wrote on 15 Feb 2017 07:36:

Very well said and very true. Try connecting more with people, exercising, and maybe add an interesting shiur to your schedule - something that you enjoy. Keep us posted what you attempt and what works. If you feel like c"v falling send out a post. If seen you will get responses that can be helpful 

Ihavenostrength wrote on 14 Feb 2017 18:59:

I encourage you to keep counting. Just keep in mind that you can no longer count with a bracha

Day 5: I caught the the flu which sorta sucks. Listened to a recording of yesterday's morning call with dov. It was my first time listening to one of his calls. 

Pretty informative. Also a bit depressing to be honest. He talked about why this problem is especially prevalent in the Jewish community. He made some pretty good points.

He also slammed into GYE a bit. He talked about how the anonymity of GYE doesn't allow for real honesty. People only share the bad things they've done, not the full picture of who they are. Which obviously would be very unsafe to do. 

Refua shleima and keep on doing whatever works for you.

Ihavenostrength wrote on 16 Feb 2017 03:51:

Yeah I understand his view that GYE is a stepping stone and for people with a real problem, it should just advise on the next step. Sticking around here and stopping might be detrimental. But you gotta know yourself.

I like his anonymity vs. secrecy thing. Anonymous is an SA meeting. You "know" each other, are more honest. Secrecy is completely hiding beging a username. What does he use? Teshuva613. ChickenNugget. He's funny.

First of all I'd like to join the others in congratulating you for your great work.
I don't want to spoil the party but IMHO reaching the 90 days shouldn't be THE goal; it's an important milestone but this is it.
Keep in mind ODAT, no need to stress for what tomorrow will bring.
What everyone should focus on is finding what works best for you. As others mentioned we're all different creatures, having different needs and strengths and responding in different ways.
You should feel happy and thankful that you got so wise at your age, it took me many more years and it wasn't until my wife found out that I started doing anything about my addiction. In the past I had had good intentions but that was what they were.
I also agree with the others in suggesting to exercise more. You're a young guy, why don't you go running instead of walking? It releases dopamine into your brain and it gives you something to brag about. Believe me, when you start reaching longer distances and participating at races you will feel good. 
Running is also very similar to fighting addictions; you build up slowly but surely having a goal in mind.
From my experience I learned that willpower isn't enough; the fights become very difficult and every fall makes you feel a loser (which you are NOT, it's the YH who wants you to believe it).
Whatever day it is today, KOL HAKAVOD, go on

Thank you. I think you're absolutely right about the running.

I have a problem with my foot. Until I get that sorted out, running is off the table.

Also, what does IMHO stand for? Someone really needs to make a glossary for all these acronyms!