Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

Bb0212's road...
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bb0212's road... 59293 Views

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Feb 2017 05:12 #305982

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
Day 20... Today was a good day of winning. Even though my job was "bad" today, I reminded myself (because of these forums) to be aware of my feelings & not let negative things push me to act out. Bh all is well. 

I was watching a tv show. Something triggering came up and I kinda looked down & away. But the thought popped onto my head:

"I'm gonna have to stop watching tv & movies"

It's going to happen, I just don't feel ready yet.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Feb 2017 06:17 #305987

  • GrowStrong
  • Current streak: 900 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • OMAAT
  • Posts: 884
  • Karma: 86
This is really good stuff BB.
That look down and away was real recovery! You should be able to take that everywhere you go until it becomes your default action.
Its the one thing that is connecting all my days of recovery.. Hard or easy days, no matter what im going through right now... the avodah is looking down and away, whether its the screen or the bus stop or whereever..
Dont run to turn more things off though... Be more careful with WHAT you are streaming,,, there are many ways to know if something has scenes in it you shouldnt watch. Not saying forever... but for now... adding chumras isnt going to make the core recovery easier... and its the looking down and away thats the real recovery.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Feb 2017 07:25 #305989

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1313
  • Karma: 66
bb0212 wrote on 16 Feb 2017 05:12:
Day 20... Today was a good day of winning. Even though my job was "bad" today, I reminded myself (because of these forums) to be aware of my feelings & not let negative things push me to act out. Bh all is well. 

I was watching a tv show. Something triggering came up and I kinda looked down & away. But the thought popped onto my head:

"I'm gonna have to stop watching tv & movies"

It's going to happen, I just don't feel ready yet.

I remember the day I outed them all.

It was mitzei Yom Kippur. And I asked a rov what's pshat with [illegally] downloaded music and stuff.
he said "If Hashem doesn't want me to have it, then I shouldn't have it..."
And I resolved to delete all the stuff. But It took a long long time for those simple words to penetrate. Lot of growth. Hatzlocha to you.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Feb 2017 13:29 #306009

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
Thank you GS! I responded in the quote below.
GrowStrong wrote on 16 Feb 2017 06:17:

This is really good stuff BB.
That look down and away was real recovery! You should be able to take that everywhere you go until it becomes your default action.
Its the one thing that is connecting all my days of recovery.. Hard or easy days, no matter what im going through right now... the avodah is looking down and away, whether its the screen or the bus stop or whereever..

Well, I kinda looked down and away, but only partially. It's still progress though. Way back in the day, probably more than 10 years ago I was in that place. My instinct was to look away instead if looking towards. when I was walking down the street, etc.. Good times, and I'll be back there iyH
Dont run to turn more things off though... Be more careful with WHAT you are streaming,,, there are many ways to know if something has scenes in it you shouldnt watch. Not saying forever... but for now... adding chumras isnt going to make the core recovery easier... and its the looking down and away thats the real recovery.

I'm going to eventually start that, but I'm not sure when. Many years ago, before I got married & I was clean for a year or two, that was the whole reason. I stopped watching all tv/movies. It was then that I realized how everything is sexualized, whether there are scenes or not. It's one of the reasons  tune in, whether we realize it or not. If they want to market a movie towards "families" instead of older teens and adults, they drop certain scenes, but try to  push the limits. PG-13 movies allow for nudity, I once saw a movie with a 5 second? scene, which really surprised me, I had to double check that it wasn't rated R. To get back on track, I truly believe that it's only a chumra to stop watching kosher movies, but 99.9% of the movies out there are not kosher. Anything rated G and up, if it's not a cartoon, there's a good chance there's something sexual in there.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 16 Feb 2017 13:38 by bb0212.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Feb 2017 13:36 #306010

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
Singularity wrote on 16 Feb 2017 07:25:

bb0212 wrote on 16 Feb 2017 05:12:
Day 20... Today was a good day of winning. Even though my job was "bad" today, I reminded myself (because of these forums) to be aware of my feelings & not let negative things push me to act out. Bh all is well. 

I was watching a tv show. Something triggering came up and I kinda looked down & away. But the thought popped onto my head:

"I'm gonna have to stop watching tv & movies"

It's going to happen, I just don't feel ready yet.

I remember the day I outed them all.

It was mitzei Yom Kippur. And I asked a rov what's pshat with [illegally] downloaded music and stuff.
he said "If Hashem doesn't want me to have it, then I shouldn't have it..."
And I resolved to delete all the stuff. But It took a long long time for those simple words to penetrate. Lot of growth. Hatzlocha to you.

Yom Kippur has a real power when it comes to these commitments. Purim is coming... Maybe I'll do something small, like no more than 1 episode a day or go on a movie/tv diet for a few weeks. Or movie/tv until I reach a certain goal (days clean), then I'll take a break for a few days & start again with another goal.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 05:20 #306203

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
I'm driving a big rig, going fast. And I'm at a sharp turn, with black ice. Slipping all over the place.
 but, the sun is coming out, just ahead is dry asphalt. Just gotta make it through the ice...
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 05:56 #306204

KOMT
you can do this 
we are here for you 
what can we do to help
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 07:54 #306208

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1313
  • Karma: 66
bb0212 wrote on 16 Feb 2017 13:36:

Singularity wrote on 16 Feb 2017 07:25:

bb0212 wrote on 16 Feb 2017 05:12:
Day 20... Today was a good day of winning. Even though my job was "bad" today, I reminded myself (because of these forums) to be aware of my feelings & not let negative things push me to act out. Bh all is well. 

I was watching a tv show. Something triggering came up and I kinda looked down & away. But the thought popped onto my head:

"I'm gonna have to stop watching tv & movies"

It's going to happen, I just don't feel ready yet.

I remember the day I outed them all.

It was mitzei Yom Kippur. And I asked a rov what's pshat with [illegally] downloaded music and stuff.
he said "If Hashem doesn't want me to have it, then I shouldn't have it..."
And I resolved to delete all the stuff. But It took a long long time for those simple words to penetrate. Lot of growth. Hatzlocha to you.

Yom Kippur has a real power when it comes to these commitments. Purim is coming... Maybe I'll do something small, like no more than 1 episode a day or go on a movie/tv diet for a few weeks. Or movie/tv until I reach a certain goal (days clean), then I'll take a break for a few days & start again with another goal.

In yeshiva I had a "no watching until Friday afternoon" as a treat type of dealio. But after that YK, my desire to watch just, kinda well, stopped. Maybe Hashem was really helping me out. I can't explain it otherwise. Even now, don't feel so connected to Torah and Hashem, but I still wouldn't watch those things. When I watched "Friends" after a long time, I was completely horrified as how everything was about sex. Really. And don't get me started on HIMYM
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 08:35 #306225

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
Filter is off... By mistake. In the am I'll call TAG to put it back on, for now I sit tight. No more phone!
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 09:12 #306229

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1313
  • Karma: 66
Keep checking in!!!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Bb0212's road... 20 Feb 2017 19:21 #306309

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
Singularity wrote on 20 Feb 2017 09:12:
Keep checking in!!!

I shut the phone off. Anything less than that would be akin to putting on a blindfold while driving that rig. 

Whew. Did some 360's in the truck. Filter's back on.
$@#!
 I'm very uncomfortable with that amount of slipping. But I'm here to keep me from falling. Still frustrating, however, I'm still clean.
 whew

ETA

One more thing. I was sleeping! Somebody woke me up & I was having a very difficult time going back to sleep after all the slipping before I fell asleep. After getting a grip on the road (somewhat) by going to sleep, I woke up. And said no! But then I couldn't fall asleep...

This is all post of the challenge... Here we go. Going up
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 20 Feb 2017 19:25 by bb0212.

Re: Bb0212's road... 21 Feb 2017 08:07 #306366

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1313
  • Karma: 66
Sounds like you're in the boxing ring, beaten pretty badly. So do you continue to fight back? Or do you throw the gloves down, bow nicely and surrender?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread
Last Edit: 21 Feb 2017 08:07 by Singularity.

Re: Bb0212's road... 21 Feb 2017 16:28 #306385

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
I'm part of a team. Can't give up. Otherwise I would have long ago. So I keep getting up, till I'm KO'd. My goal here is to not get KO'd. I need to change my strategy, because he's gonna knock me out if I keep slipping.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 21 Feb 2017 16:49 #306390

  • cordnoy
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11291
  • Karma: 521
Sorry to hear about your boxin' matches.

Have you tried one of the phone conferencesI? They generally speak to the inside of theI person and change, rather than a simple superficial bandaid?

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bb0212's road... 22 Feb 2017 06:20 #306449

  • bb0212
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 462
  • Karma: 10
cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2017 16:49:
Sorry to hear about your boxin' matches.

Have you tried one of the phone conferencesI? They generally speak to the inside of theI person and change, rather than a simple superficial bandaid?

B'hatzlachah


Didn't try the phone conferences yet, not quite ready for that right now. It'll be another stress in my life & I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the stress I currently have. However I really appreciate your response Cords. (Aren't you on the dl now?)

So, I don't know the rules of boxing, but I know that you're not allowed to put your opponent in a chokehold. That doesn't really matter to me, because I do what I gotta do. My opponent doesn't follow rules. I won this round, got him in a chokehold.
 fixed the filter problems on my phone and laptop. Ready to keep fighting! Next round...
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 22 Feb 2017 06:23 by bb0212.
Time to create page: 0.65 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes