Thanks for the reply Tzomah 

Let me just be clear with what I meant:
I understand that thinking of the wife is just a trick(although it can be powerful at times)
What I meant was why when I am in a good mood or things are going well almost always within a few hours I get this really frustrated edgy feelings that make me intolerant of even the smallest things and then I get angry at the world for the littlest things that normally wouldn't bother me

p.s. wife went out last night and was baby sitting the kids who were sleeping.One child was throwing up so I held her to help calm her down and ended up getting very wet as we just finished toilet training but given the circumstances there was an accident. I took a deep breath looked up and said I cannot do this please help me Hashem and almost immediately felt very calm. Mind you this was in middle of me cursing out the world for having to clean a bunch of throw up from clothes and towels and a really messy house.

Hatzlacha everyone 

i can totally relate to this feeling when you are in a great mood and pitom anger from left field

i came to realize that it is from shame meaning there crops up a feeling that don't deserve this you disgusting lusting idiot (subconcious) and i start to get angry and frustrated seemingly at the world but it's really from the uncomfortable contrasting feelings of being in a good mood undeservingly

your p.s. story is great it has been happening to me too much more often too 

I need to think if I have this shame or not but I tend to think that I do not have it I do not consider myself an addict just a good person with some bad tendencies (others call it a yetzer hara) is there really shame in being human and having a need to work on oneself? I think not.
Thanks for the responses 

i don't consider myself an addict either 
doesn't mean there aint no shame 
i also don't feel the shame when i get upset at the world cuz i am shaming them instead

Tzomah
So you think there is shame in being a person who needs to work on his "middos" or character flaws?
If yes can you explain why

Thanks

what there is and what you feel aint the same thing 
i don't think there is any shame 
but for some reason if your caught in a bad situation you might feel embarrased or ashamed 
why if it's so normal to be a person who just has to work on his middos 
your obviously feeling some shame 
my kid is not ashamed to show he is angry 
but i am why?

Why are people ashamed to be sick? I know of a person that has a life threatening cancer but it looks like her biggest problem with it is that people know she's sick.
Why are people ashamed with a father that has Alzheimer's? It's not even them, it's their father...

Because it makes one look different and stick out, no-one likes that 
Maybe we should create a new support group called EA (embarrassed anonymous) 

sounds like an oximoron

Just updating the family here:

I will be moving back to U.S.A. soon and I do not know the availability I will have to log in here.
I will iy"h reach 90 days for the second time just before I leave and will post then.
I hope to keep in touch with the people that have helped me in the past via phone and text,

Maybe when you arrive in the USA you can meet up with some of the chevra here.....

Looking forward

Hi Mayan Hamisgaber

No worries to come back to the states. we welcome you with open arms and Huge hearts.

Just wanted to share 

I was in yeshivah today when I noticed I did not have my keys with me. I thought they might be in the door to my dira but I did not want to go back for that is a BIG NO NO for me to be home by myself. but I had to go get them. I asked Hashem to help me and B"H I had the strength to leave and go back to yeshivah without anything happening. 

This is the Koach Of Tefilah