tzomah wrote on 01 Nov 2017 11:15:

to be sickened by an aveirah is a high madreigah  as grilled neveilah does not sicken me so probaly if we are sickened by this its coming from a different place and maybe instead of sickened we need to think about what we are really looking for
the sickened feeling can be just another block from getting what we really need

tzomah wrote on 02 Nov 2017 11:27:

I do not mean to sound high and mighty but as much as grilled neveilah smells great to me the thought of eating it it self does not sit well with me 
So too every time I act out I feel disgusted with myself for I have made a conscious to do so 

Maybe I am fooling myself maybe not but right now I need a game plan and I hope to call someone real soon as a start

All comments or suggestions are welcome

ok fine question is why you feel disgusted with yourself and not the porn
you can work on accepting yourself 
not to say you should act out but you don't have to be disgusted with yourself 

I feel disgusted with myself and the porn
Agreed I need to learn to accept myself and not act out ......
Story of my life always to hard on myself very black and white

I have tried calling a good fellow a few times but it seems that it is not a good time for him so I shall try again probably after Shabbos

So I got thru to a fellow trucker and we came up with a plan 

I will bl"n write down 3 things to do before I act out and if i do not do one of them then there will be a small "knas"

Wishing myself much Hatzlacha
(And thank you)

tehillimzugger wrote on 17 Mar 2013 16:11:

inastruggle wrote on 14 Jun 2013 06:55:

Just had  crazy thought while taking a shower and it is freaking me out (not triggered or lusting)

My brother was hurt do to my acting out some 15 years ago meaning he was punished for what I did and I still am scared to ask his forgiveness for it as he does not know it was me and we are having a good relationship after a few challenging years.

I know that i need to calm down about this and a time may come when it will be appropriate but... 

B"H doing well
Thought about calling someone just to update but felt silly calling....
stupid me......

mayanhamisgaber is a good name 
sillystupid is not
those feelings r normal don't got call yourself stupid for em'

tzomah
Yes agreed to all but this name is an aspiration/tefillah to what I once might have been and what I would like to be.....

B"H a good week as far as lust goes 
I did not call someone again maybe next week
signing off till after Shabbos bl"n as I feel I waste too much time.....

Have a great Shabbos everyone.....

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 09 Nov 2017 21:16:

ok so then you r the tefillah aspiration of that
but that also comes from the mayan
silly and stupid aint in there or you would not have that aspiration

Mayan, someone who has been with us long enough to post over 1000 comments, opinions, chizuk, questions, and the like is far from being silly or stu... Many of us here suffer from low self esteem because of our struggle, but let's face the truth. There are many many people struggling with these issues, and some special individuals, like yourself, are doing something about it. Your journey with all its highs and lows has been shared for all to see. Do you think Hashem doesnt have tremendous nachas from the inspiration you have been to so many newcomers (and oldtimers)? Your honesty, courage, openness, and resolve have encouraged me and so many others that "it can be done". Thank you and G-d bless you.