What I am looking for at this point is just a friendly, safe place to share my experiences
as I journey toward successfully breaking free from this terrible bad habit...
a place to receive encouragement to continue growing and pushing forward,
a place where people who share some idea of the difficulty of the nisayon I'm going through
are willing to hear me out and express their understanding and empathy,
and try to pick me up and support me, so that I don't give up and totally fail.
I'll work out the strategies/game plan on my own from now on, with the help of a live coach/success story.
---------------------
Enjoy this great dvar Torah from R. Yechiel Spero from a Sefer Emunah Bacharti:
"There is a difference between the term "Melacha" that we refer to when we talk about the 39 things that one is not allowed to do on shabbos, and the term "Avodah". Avodah, hard work is not forbidden. For instance, if one wanted or needed to schlep tables and chairs from the third floor to the first floor, it's entirely permissible, even though you are sweating and working hard. However, if one does a creative action, that is called a melacha and that is strictly forbidden on Shabbos. But that's when it comes to Shabbos.
Hashem, when He asks us to serve Him, it is not called melacha. It is called avodah. We strive to be "Avdei Hashem", we work on our avodas Hashem. Hashem does not need us to do creative things for Him. He doesn't demand of us to finish product. He doesn't necessitate that we do something that is called a melacha. We don't actually have to finish the job necessarily. All Hashem asks of us, is to be an Eved Hashem. To shvitz for the Ribono Shel Olam; to work hard at whatever we are dong. We might succeed, hopefully, we do. But even if we don't, it is still considered to very, very valued and very special in the eyes of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
That should give us all great encouragement. Sometimes we feel, "C'mon who are we kidding. I am far from perfect". Hashem doesn't need you to be perfect. All He needs you to do is some avodas Hashem, to be His Eved Hashem. Halivay, if one day we can actually earn that incredible appellation."

Have a great day and a beautiful Shabbos.

Watson wrote on 27 Jan 2017 08:49:

Doc,

YouI are a good man and did/do a great job, and on thisI thread as well. I disagree withI several of your points in this post, but that will be for our other mode of communication.

I had a restorative, nice Shabbos
and a great Motzei Shabbos.

TWO full weeks. I'm in a "good head space" now, Boruch HaShem.

My Mother-in-law just called and asked us to visit, and I'm not the least bit upset.

Keep it up! So happy for you. We will keep on cheering.

I read the guidebook that I had printed out, cover to cover.

And I had a great conversation with Guard, which was very helpful.

I've also started a good habit of regularly exercising for around 45 minutes.
This was VERY hard to do...carve out the time and make it a priority, so that it gets done.
There's a program called "couch to 5k", literally going from a "couch potato" to being able to run for 30 minutes without stopping or walking. It's taken me many weeks to break the inertia and create this new habit. But I think I've finally done so. I'm now walking and running 3 times a week!

These are 3 big steps that will pay big dividends.

Wow Googling it now!

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 30 Jan 2017 13:16:

Yosef, you are really working hard and it's BH paying off. It is so exciting reading your new posts that "sound" so positive! You feel good about yourself and are gaining confidence. Keep it up. You are a real inspiration for all of us. You are showing everyone that it can be done! Continued hatzlocha!

I'm making a siyum today, B'ezras HaShem!!
I've been working hard on this for over a year now...starting and stopping and starting
and getting stuck and stopping and starting again and getting discouraged and starting
and getting distracted and picking myself up again and starting fresh and getting on a roll 
and continuing and getting behind and feeling discouraged and starting again strong and 
continuing and now finally finishing!
This is a HUGE deal and a lesson for life. Don't give up, and keep going until you succeed  !

MAZAL TOV
what are you making a siyum on?
love the lesson KUTGW

close to SEVEN HUNDRED Mishnayos of Zerayim

And I'm now going to be starting Kodshim, which may be even tougher.

WOW (i don't mean women of the wall!!!)
if there are any questions you have in kodshim please feel free to ask i have learnt z'vachim minachos and more 

Mazel Tov! Keep on Shteiging!

Mazel tov! Be proud and celebrate!

oh and by the way kodshim is different from the rest of shas as it mainly does not go with s'vara rather with g'zairas ha'kusov and dinim, at least the g'maras do, so keep in mind that you need to learn many new dinim and can take time just keep plugging and soon it will flow quicker than you think!

Just started Zevachim...and learned the 1st Mishna. 
All beginnings are difficult.
Not easy finding the time to exercise either, but it's going to happen...sometime today.

A couple of people said wow, you really made a big deal and made 
such a nice, kovodik siyum with "fancy stuff" like a real simcha.
I told them, exactly! It is a real simcha. I put a lot of time and effort into it.
And dafka, wanted to show that learning all of Zerayim is something chashuv
to be celebrated properly.