Hi, my name is *** and I'm working on egotism

Actually, I have been been introduced to a lot of new realizations by some of the people here. As Rabbi Twerski says, AA is a self-improvement program, and there are many middos (character flaws for those who like to keep this out of the Torah/mussar realm) that are associated to addictive behavior of any kind.

The topic that most recently perked my interest is sincerity and egotism (see previous posts about motivation for Teshuva which was part of it).
Having been escaping from reality for a long time, I was not even aware how egotistical I had become, and I am at the very beginning of the long road to selflessness, real self-esteem, true generosity (not just how much I gave to tzedakah though that's also a good thing), and whatever else is the opposite of egotism that I don't yet know about.

I'm not sure how to get there, but common sense says to start by searching out opportunities to do for others, and not let anyone know about it. It's only a start because I'm still enjoying the feeling that I'm a good guy.

I have a good friend who is a psychologist (hey, if you're on here I'll let you decide whether to let me know about it, but only if you tell me your username - fair's fair). He has a philosophy based on the Mishna in Avos - If you learnt a lot of Torah, don't think it makes you a tzaddik, because that was what you were supposed to have done i.e. you're not supposed to obtain any emotional benefit from doing Mitzvos. It's like expecting a thank you from your father because you called to wish him a good night when he just gave you a $100,000.00 for a down payment.

This morning a guy in shul gave me a random compliment. In the moment, I noticed my response was to try and be self-deprecating, which just feels false, so I'm trying to figure out the correct response. I'm clueless, so as always all tips are welcome.

I guess it's easier to know the correct external response to an insult - externally no response. Internally is a little more tricky. When we're young we're told (at least I was)
that it's the other guy who has a self-esteem problem, so you can feel sorry for him. Isn't that also putting down the other guy to resolve your own hurt, albeit keeping it in your head? And don't we come back to the same issue of mentally patting yourself on the back for being the "bigger guy" and not responding?

Also I started noticing the difference in different posts here - some of them almost never refer to themselves, whereas mine have an embarrassing amount of references to "I', "myself", "me" etc. I'm beginning to think it's a telling difference.

Try again - Hi, my name is *** and I'm an egotist-aholic.

I feel for you, Yosef. I hear and understand the frustration.

"Hi Yosef. Congratulations on your amazing commitment and progress. 

If I can offer a suggestion... when you come home and supper isn't ready, pitch in and help! You won't be bored, your wife will appreciate it, and you will be having even more quality time with the family. 

Stay chilled and enjoy some Wild Cold Turkey!  "

Thank you, Gevura. I will try that. It's a pretty good idea for the several reasons you mentioned.
Plus, I imagine that after a week or so of doing this, she (and the kids) will adapt to the new schedule 
and be all ready when I come home anyway, as others have mentioned. So, it's a short-term problem.
A l'chayim of cold wild turkey is in order! L'chayim and Happy Chanuka everybody!

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 25 Dec 2016 15:58:

First of all, I can relate to the frustration. No one on this forum is an angel, besides for Gev, and we can say harsh things. You may feel judged, but they really mean the best for you.

Second of all, it matters not a bit if they adapt to your schedule. You do you and if others change, so be it. But working on yourself in order that others will change is something I've tried and it's frustrating as hell. I only found that others changed once I said "Screw them, I'm doing this for myself." Then a miracle happened. And I'm continually grateful for it. But I don't expect it. Expectation is the mother of frustration. You have obviously lived a certain way for all your life and it will take time to change. Progress not perfection. But I highly suggest you get a psychologist or a trained professional because from what I've seen, that's where your issues lie. But I'm just a lust addict, definitely not qualified.

I'm personally a big fan of therapy, even if it's for a short while or not such a pressing issue. But everyone has their opinions. I appreciate the thank you.

I'm not a big fan at all. I've tried going with my wife several times over the years.
Never met with any real success.
Often, not always, I think the people who go into therapy need it the most themselves.
Maybe, I just never found a good shaliach who could help me and my situation with my wife.
I have been extremely open to trying to improve things, like I said going to different people 
over the years. There are some real issues. This bad habit is certainly one of them. 
Also, I get the impression that my wife does not really want to see anyone that may ask of her to change.
She denies this, but whatever. Experience has shown otherwise. 
Also money is an issue, and would have to be worked out.
If you actually know of someone very matzliach and very good, 
you can email me. Cord has my email.