BEHS wrote on 06 May 2016 13:59:

BEHS,

I don't remember that we don't see eye to eye on it, but if you say so, that makes sense. I am not writing to rain on your parade, and can only share my thoughts based on what you write and the way it hits me through my experiences and experience in this sugya.

I see your enthusiasm and attitude, but I'm not getting a sense of what your plan is, and I'm worried that the enthusiasm will fade and the average will become, well, average.

Bur only you know what's really going on "by you" and so if my concern is misplaced, then just know that I'm rooting for you no matter what. 

Abie, I updated my signature so that it has my Google voice anonymous number. Feel free to call me anytime and especially if I'm late to posting. It's not always because I'm struggling at the moment, but it always might be.

Markz, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts. I'll definitely be looking at your need thread.

Inastruggle, the point for me of focusing on the cumulative is primarily because I would constantly get down after every fall. It was never a fall, it was always 3-4 days of falling, if not more. Just like you pointed out, at this point in my journey, it's all for chizuk.

Working guy, acharon acharon chaviv. It seemed at the beginning of this thread that you were more for the traditional 90 day count. I understand I'm doing something different and it's because that wasn't working for me. I welcome critique and constructive criticism because I'm hoping to get better, not just run a Mesillas Yesharim blog. Keep the comments coming. My parade is still bright and sunny, even though Manhattan has been pretty overcast lately. But it doesn't bother me, it just means women on the street are more covered, if only slightly so.

If you're consistently unable to stay clean for long then you're probably missing something.

What would that be?

38/40 = .950

Abie, the מסילת ישרים is coming soon.  Just getting to it now as I've been busy with some post-שבת chores.

An example that the רמח"ל brings of the troubles faced by a lazy person is explained in משלי.  His field is overgrown with thorns and covered with thistles.  His punishment, as expressed in קהלת, is that he will be bitten by a snake.  Explains the רמח"ל, this is because a snake’s bite spreads and kills you slowly.  You don’t feel it immediately.  So too with laziness, you slowly deteriorate and get dragged down into the physicality of עולם הזה.

Oftentimes, people know what they are supposed to be doing in their עבודת ה', and even so, they don’t do it solely because they are lazy.  They take little breaks here and there, using any excuse they can, and in the meantime nothing gets done.  [Definitely a problem that I am more than familiar with.]  And they are always able to justify their excuses, thinking that they are reasonable.  In reality, they are never logical and they stem purely from laziness.  The real problem, however, is that they will never see this for what it truly is, and they always shrug off criticism from those that try to guide them down the correct path.

39/40 = .951

Since we are so subjective when it comes to our laziness, and we so easily justify our lack of זריזות, the רמח"ל points out that any leniency we take in our lives must be examined from all sides.  The general rule is that we take the easy way due to laziness, so in this regard we are guilty until proven innocent.  If the lenient position holds up to intense scrutiny, go with it.  But we always must be aware of the fact that our natural tendency is to be lazy, and we must always fight against it.

First of all, I had a typo yesterday.  It should have been 39/41 = .951
Today is 40/42 = .952

The רמח"ל opens up the 7th פרק detailing two components to alacrity: before one begins an action, and after one has already begun the action.  The first component means that when one is presented with a מצוה or when you think of doing one, you must start it immediately.  You must grab the first opportunity to get involved.  Every moment that you delay your involvement creates another possibility of a hindrance preventing you from going through with and fulfilling the מצוה.

41/44 = .932

There is a famous חז"ל that interprets the פסוק of guarding מצות as applying also to מצוות.  Just as we don’t allow מצה to become חמץ, so too we can’t allow the מצוות to sit around.  They will go stale as well.  There is a גמרא that the רמח"ל quotes which seems to imply that there is even שכר for being the first to act when your intentions are לשמה, even if the action itself may be inappropriate.

The רמח"ל points out that זריזות is something that goes completely against our physical nature.  It requires tremendous effort to attain, and thus it is rewarded handsomely in עולם הבא.

The second component to זריזות is that we must complete the מצוה that we have started as efficiently as possible.  [Definitely another area in which I have trouble.  It’s very easy to get excited about starting a new project, but to see it through to the end is often difficult.]  Here’s a link to a great שיעור from R’ Akiva Tatz on פסח about this concept as well.

41/45 = .911

If we are excited to do 'רצון ה, we will act quickly in order to fulfill His desires.  זריזות comes from that inward excitement and it also breeds further excitement.  If we serve enthusiastically, it further intensifies our desire to serve.  And if we serve lethargically, it brings down our enthusiasm and extinguishes the inner fire for 'עבודת ה.

43/47 = .915

The main goal of our 'עבודת ה, says the רמח"ל, is to make our hearts and desires subservient to Him.  But changing our inner desires is very difficult.  It’s much easier for us to access our outer actions.  Luckily, our actions can influence our feelings, and if we use our זריזות to serve 'ה through actions, it can lead to our inner servitude as well.

'פרק ח
The רמח"ל explains that one acquires זריזות in the same ways as he acquires זהירות.  They are mirrors of each other.  זהירות is the סור מרע and זריזות is the עשה טוב.  The main focus should be one’s obligation to fulfill מצוות and this will inspire him to serve הקב"ה.  One of the ways to increase the desire to serve is to focus on all of the good that הקב"ה does for us.  Realizing what we receive will show us what we owe Him.  However, since we can’t actually give to Him, at the very least we can fulfill his מצוות and do what He requests from us.

BEHS,

Just asking, not antagonizing- when you're average drops is that all you're mentioning about a fall? Or do you plan on sharing and analyzing a little?

not pushing one way or the other (yet); just curious.

Hey WG,

It's interesting that you mention that.  I was beginning to feel like this is becoming more of a Mesillas Yesharim blog than anything else.  Truth be told, I've never been very comfortable talking about myself or being the center of attention.  I've always been someone who's comfortable fading into the background of a situation.  I'm generally more comfortable discussing ideas and concepts than how they apply to me personally.

I've felt this all the more so with shmiras ainayim issues.  I've always felt that everyone has their individual nisyonos and you deal with them privately without airing out your dirty laundry for all to see.  I guess that's very much against the 12-steps and SA methodology, huh?  I've been on a weekly call with my mini-GYE group (shout-out to group 174) and I'm typically pretty quite there as well.  I tend to listen and try to gain chizuk that way.

Anyone else have a similar hang-up that they had to get over in the beginning?  I'm curious if it's typical for people with this issue to try to stay out of the spotlight.

All of that being said, tonight I had another fall.  It's been a rough week or so.  A lot of stress at work and home due to some decisions that my wife and I are trying to nail down.  Hopefully those will all be made by the middle of this week and I can try to chill out.  The problem is that they depend largely on other people as well, so I'm not 100% in control of the final say.

43/48 = .896

BEHS,

I appreciate your honesty and understand what you're saying. Just to share a thought that my therapist had mentioned- people who are modest and don't like to be the center of attention are often people with a lot of self sacrifice who don't necessarily focus enough on their own needs. They may focus on other people, give other people attanetion, let others share, and not be comfortable being the center themselves.

As a result, there's a bit of a hole that they believe is not supposed to be filled. But, when faced with a pleasure as strong as acting out, their insides are crying out "You NEED this, you DESERVE this" and paradoxically, people who take care of their own needs and put themselves first sometimes may have enough regular pleasure and enjoyment that they don't need counterfeit ones.

Let me know what you think.

BEHS wrote on 16 May 2016 05:39:

Yes. Everyone.

I still find it hard to share at most meetings. I only do it cos I know I need to do it for myself.

WG, that idea from your therapist definitely resonates with me.

Watson, just to clarify my question, I'm more curious about regular day life.  Of course sharing at meetings is hard.  Not that I know from experience, but I imagine everyone would have trouble standing in front of a room and airing out their dirty laundry for all to hear.  I'm curious if it's common for people like us to always try to fade into the background in any situation, similarly to what WG's therapist pointed out.

Today was better than yesterday and I'm going to try to head to bed earlier than usual to end it on a positive note.

44/49 = .898