Waydown, I don't want to be rude and if want me to stop commenting I will, but you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Zero. There are 1,000's of recovered sexaholics, aside from Dov, who are not tzadikim and those who are not Jewish who have completely abstained from masturbation. Personally I'm far from a tzadik and far from the Benoni of the Tanya and I haven't masterbated in 9 months. Prior to that I could not stop no matter what. This is not a religious issue for many of us, it is a matter of life or death.

Maybe you should seek out those people who have recovered and ask one of them to take you through the program, and take their suggestions and advice, because that is probably your best hope.


I was going to add more, but I probably shouldn't have said anything. It's just not healthy for me. One more note though, the excuse you are making and the lie you are telling yourself about the difference with alcohol won't help you or anyone here.

Wish you only brachos,Yakov

Notice I specifcally said "nearly" impossible in quotes. I never ever said impossible.
As to why I am here? Because I do want to stop. i just dont' know where to start. All I can find on this site is climb tall mountains. Do things that seem " nearly" impossible. Its very inspiring and you guys wull get tons of sechar on the next world for it. But it seems so far out of my relam when it comes to relating it and internalizing it within me. Yet when I propose small steps I am told it won't work don't try. I am lost and confused.

In fact I have come up with a small step that I plan on taking towards the path of soberty. I plan on announcing it after shabbos.

Just take it one day at a time. That's what we all say. And that's the smallest step you can take.
The challenge only turns into a huge mountain when you start thinking days, weeks, months ahead.
Today is not a mountain. Do you think we can stay clean today?

I agree with bigmoish, also you ca start reading not practicing, to understand better how you can start.
For example you can star with the 9 principles of addiction and the handbook
Shabat Shalom

waydown wrote:
Dear Lost and Confused, at least you are not lost and alone . Really, everyone is here to help each other. IT IS quite confusing. I was confused for quite a while. Yes, small steps are in order, BUT what ARE the small steps. Porning, and/or masturbating once in a while are not the small steps we are talking about. I think that is the issue that has some peoples feathers ruffled.

Small steps can be making friends, and getting a hobby, putting up fences like filters etc. We have seen from experience that "cutting down" as a strategy doesn't help. (of course, a person may slip, and the intervals between acting out may increase as a person recovers, but that can't be THE plan) I haven't seen a person on this site that said that the way he got better was by gradually cutting down. We try and report what we have seen work (and not work). It may work for someone, but, so far, I haven't seen it.

That doesn't mean you can't try. Please, whatever you try, let us know how it goes. We get strength, and direction from seeing what works and what doesn't.

I try and take a practical approach. If it works, do it. If not, try something else. The benefit you have here is, you have not only your experience, but the collective experience of dozens of addicts to draw from.

I wish you much hatzlacha! Keep us posted!

gibbor120 wrote:

Starting can be sooo disorienting. There's so much advice here that it's overwhelming. The last few posts have a lot of value to them.

Start somewhere, anywhere, and always remember that you are a great person who's stuck doing some less-than-great things. The fact that you are capable of feeling shame for what you did is your proof that you are a good guy. Always be happy and proud that you can be ashamed of acting out, if that makes any sense.

From my personal experience (and please correct me if I'm misreading), feeling good because you are relieved after acting out can be dangerous. I made it over a year and then I acted out once. And I felt great because I thought that I had control over it and would choose never to do it again...then I did it again the next day...and the day after that...for a month and a half before my wife found out (baruch HaShem, it got me to stop again). Like you may have found in the handbook, "One sip is too much and 1,000 is never enough".

Shalom,
Michael

From the GYE handbook: "The Vilna Gaon says that what a person says they want, and even
what they feel they want, has no relation to what they actually want. The Yetzer
Hara was given permission to make a person feel they want something they
really don't. And the same goes for what a person feels they can or cannot do.
This has no relation to what they can or can't do in reality. So believe you will
succeed, even if you feel you can’t!
The biggest obstacle to succeeding is not believing you can succeed. The first
impediment to overcoming this struggle is not in your genes, your childhood or
your environment. If you believe you can succeed and are willing to make the
effort, you will find the way out."
Quote of the day: Yes, I can!

Be happy!! מצווה גדולה להיות בשמחה