by yiraishamaim 02 Jun 2015 07:49 #255832It was so many years ago yet I remember it so clearly. I was 18 years old I am now over 50. I decided with a few friends that while we would be in the city that day we would try to sneak into a movie theater known for its "dirty movies" At the time there was no internet. Shmutz and acting out essentially had to do with magazines and movies. We were "successful" and entered the theater. What I saw startled me. The last 4 to 6 rows were filled and tightly filled with men in their sixties and seventies. They all looked sort of saddened and empty but not necessarily of low income. The rest of the theater was empty except for us 3 kids. I looked back at these men and thought " do they still have urges like us young guys? Is there nothing else they could do in their golden years? I certainly won't be such a loser at their age. Only now, when I am young and H_____ will I go to such a place. For me going here is sorta normal but these old geysers???" I have since learned that P____, acting out and the like is not so uncommon for the elderly. It is clear that sexual addiction just does not go away. Young men so inclined become middle-aged men so inclined and eventually turn into elderly men ... Is there anything more sadder and more reprehensible as a dirty old man? Conversely, the person who works on himself with a proper program of recovery is the polar opposite. He becomes more self-confident as he works his program. AT THIS POINT- Although continuing his recovery he feels capable of working on other middos. Daven and learn more. His glowing nature becomes conspicuous to others.  "Chochmos Adam Tair Panav" He becomes a dignified person with a happy disposition.  Hachaim V'hamaves is really in our hands. If we have the desire and put forth the right  hishtadlus, G-d will take care of the rest

I agree that overly obsessively obsessing wether or not one really really believes that there is a higher power above us or not is probably not that helpful,  but I do think that sometimes  we live our lives with the assumptions that we are strong in a certain belief and when we suddenly get tested we fail, and we can't understand how it happened. What we didn't realize was that we were weak to begin with, and had we know that, we could have worked on  strengthening ourselves and taking precautions ahead of time.

stillgoing wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:16:

So says the chovos halevavos I believe.