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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: (BIG) LONG SHOT!? 25374 Views

Re: BIG SHOT!? 29 Mar 2016 05:08 #282831

  • Shlomo24
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Or dead. Or worse.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: BIG SHOT!? 29 Mar 2016 23:06 #282925

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Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Mar 2016 05:08:
Or dead. Or worse.

Aboslutly! I was scared to say it, but it can definitly get a lot worse than jail...
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: BIG SHOT!? 30 Mar 2016 20:54 #282993

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stillgoing wrote on 29 Mar 2016 02:15:


by yiraishamaim 02 Jun 2015 07:49 #255832It was so many years ago yet I remember it so clearly. I was 18 years old I am now over 50. I decided with a few friends that while we would be in the city that day we would try to sneak into a movie theater known for its "dirty movies" At the time there was no internet. Shmutz and acting out essentially had to do with magazines and movies. We were "successful" and entered the theater. What I saw startled me. The last 4 to 6 rows were filled and tightly filled with men in their sixties and seventies. They all looked sort of saddened and empty but not necessarily of low income. The rest of the theater was empty except for us 3 kids. I looked back at these men and thought " do they still have urges like us young guys? Is there nothing else they could do in their golden years? I certainly won't be such a loser at their age. Only now, when I am young and H_____ will I go to such a place. For me going here is sorta normal but these old geysers???" I have since learned that P____, acting out and the like is not so uncommon for the elderly. It is clear that sexual addiction just does not go away. Young men so inclined become middle-aged men so inclined and eventually turn into elderly men ... Is there anything more sadder and more reprehensible as a dirty old man? Conversely, the person who works on himself with a proper program of recovery is the polar opposite. He becomes more self-confident as he works his program. AT THIS POINT- Although continuing his recovery he feels capable of working on other middos. Daven and learn more. His glowing nature becomes conspicuous to others.  "Chochmos Adam Tair Panav" He becomes a dignified person with a happy disposition.  Hachaim V'hamaves is really in our hands. If we have the desire and put forth the right  hishtadlus, G-d will take care of the rest

I love this post, because it shows that if we don't tackle this beast now, we are always going to be feeding it. It never ever gets full. And thats assuming that we're not in jail... 

Thanks for the honorable mention my good man stillgoing. I think that Bill Cosby allegedly did a S____ violent crime at the age of 68!!
Isn't it incredible that we who are in  the journey/struggle realize that there are really  two polar extremes that are staring us in the face.
To live normally wholesomely and productively in this world is so very very sweet. It is even sweeter for us 'cause we know how dark life can feel.

One day at a time
 

Re: BIG SHOT!? 31 Mar 2016 01:29 #283026

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Wow! If I would have known that quoting you would bring you back from the land of the missing i would have done it six months ago.
Welcome back :~)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 31 Mar 2016 01:31 by stillgoing. Reason: lots of typos

Re: BIG SHOT!? 19 Jan 2017 15:16 #303616

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    "eslaasos" post=303500 date=1484754098 catid=1
    I can and have answered yes many times, and I have no freaking idea if I was being honest. That's just one more little side-effect of years of begin wrapped up in yourself.

    Thanks to Cordnoy, I stopped worrying about it because worrying about it gets me nowhere. Dov would likely say that worrying about it is just another self-obsession driven by arrogance (and if he wouldn't say it, I'll say it instead).

    The only note I would add is that addicts (even the fake ones) are often very black and white. I would like to believe that this not as simple. Even belief is a matter of degree. I could be wrong, but as I said I am not going to invest a lot of time wondering about it. The book does seem to imply it's as simple as yes or no - nu nu, kasha, not tyuvta. Maybe a basic willingness to accept it might be true is all they're looking for, to weed out the atheists (v'chol hakorei bishmom). Jews are b'teva maaminim, deep underneath all the accumulated junk.




I agree that overly obsessively obsessing wether or not one really really believes that there is a higher power above us or not is probably not that helpful,  but I do think that sometimes  we live our lives with the assumptions that we are strong in a certain belief and when we suddenly get tested we fail, and we can't understand how it happened. What we didn't realize was that we were weak to begin with, and had we know that, we could have worked on  strengthening ourselves and taking precautions ahead of time.
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: BIG SHOT!? 19 Jan 2017 15:50 #303624

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stillgoing wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:16:


    "eslaasos" post=303500 date=1484754098 catid=1
    I can and have answered yes many times, and I have no freaking idea if I was being honest. That's just one more little side-effect of years of begin wrapped up in yourself.

    Thanks to Cordnoy, I stopped worrying about it because worrying about it gets me nowhere. Dov would likely say that worrying about it is just another self-obsession driven by arrogance (and if he wouldn't say it, I'll say it instead).

    The only note I would add is that addicts (even the fake ones) are often very black and white. I would like to believe that this not as simple. Even belief is a matter of degree. I could be wrong, but as I said I am not going to invest a lot of time wondering about it. The book does seem to imply it's as simple as yes or no - nu nu, kasha, not tyuvta. Maybe a basic willingness to accept it might be true is all they're looking for, to weed out the atheists (v'chol hakorei bishmom). Jews are b'teva maaminim, deep underneath all the accumulated junk.




I agree that overly obsessively obsessing wether or not one really really believes that there is a higher power above us or not is probably not that helpful,  but I do think that sometimes  we live our lives with the assumptions that we are strong in a certain belief and when we suddenly get tested we fail, and we can't understand how it happened. What we didn't realize was that we were weak to begin with, and had we know that, we could have worked on  strengthening ourselves and taking precautions ahead of time.

So says the chovos halevavos I believe.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: BIG SHOT!? 19 Jan 2017 15:58 #303628

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cordnoy wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:50:

stillgoing wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:16:


    "eslaasos" post=303500 date=1484754098 catid=1
    I can and have answered yes many times, and I have no freaking idea if I was being honest. That's just one more little side-effect of years of begin wrapped up in yourself.

    Thanks to Cordnoy, I stopped worrying about it because worrying about it gets me nowhere. Dov would likely say that worrying about it is just another self-obsession driven by arrogance (and if he wouldn't say it, I'll say it instead).

    The only note I would add is that addicts (even the fake ones) are often very black and white. I would like to believe that this not as simple. Even belief is a matter of degree. I could be wrong, but as I said I am not going to invest a lot of time wondering about it. The book does seem to imply it's as simple as yes or no - nu nu, kasha, not tyuvta. Maybe a basic willingness to accept it might be true is all they're looking for, to weed out the atheists (v'chol hakorei bishmom). Jews are b'teva maaminim, deep underneath all the accumulated junk.




I agree that overly obsessively obsessing wether or not one really really believes that there is a higher power above us or not is probably not that helpful,  but I do think that sometimes  we live our lives with the assumptions that we are strong in a certain belief and when we suddenly get tested we fail, and we can't understand how it happened. What we didn't realize was that we were weak to begin with, and had we know that, we could have worked on  strengthening ourselves and taking precautions ahead of time.

So says the chovos halevavos I believe.


He says likes whom?  (I'm not writing the two options, so you can't just reply 'the latter'.)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: BIG SHOT!? 19 Jan 2017 16:23 #303633

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Like you.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: LONG SHOT 15 Mar 2017 23:06 #308310

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No situation is so stressful that a little lusting won't make it worse


A'man!

BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: BIG SHOT!? 16 Mar 2017 15:11 #308408

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stillgoing wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:58:

cordnoy wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:50:

stillgoing wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:16:


    "eslaasos" post=303500 date=1484754098 catid=1
    I can and have answered yes many times, and I have no freaking idea if I was being honest. That's just one more little side-effect of years of begin wrapped up in yourself.

    Thanks to Cordnoy, I stopped worrying about it because worrying about it gets me nowhere. Dov would likely say that worrying about it is just another self-obsession driven by arrogance (and if he wouldn't say it, I'll say it instead).

    The only note I would add is that addicts (even the fake ones) are often very black and white. I would like to believe that this not as simple. Even belief is a matter of degree. I could be wrong, but as I said I am not going to invest a lot of time wondering about it. The book does seem to imply it's as simple as yes or no - nu nu, kasha, not tyuvta. Maybe a basic willingness to accept it might be true is all they're looking for, to weed out the atheists (v'chol hakorei bishmom). Jews are b'teva maaminim, deep underneath all the accumulated junk.




I agree that overly obsessively obsessing wether or not one really really believes that there is a higher power above us or not is probably not that helpful,  but I do think that sometimes  we live our lives with the assumptions that we are strong in a certain belief and when we suddenly get tested we fail, and we can't understand how it happened. What we didn't realize was that we were weak to begin with, and had we know that, we could have worked on  strengthening ourselves and taking precautions ahead of time.

So says the chovos halevavos I believe.


He says likes whom?  (I'm not writing the two options, so you can't just reply 'the latter'.)

Why was I not subscribed to this thread?

I didn't realize there was a disagreement here. I was just elaborating on my vagueness. 
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread

Re: BIG SHOT!? 02 May 2018 22:22 #330601

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Just wanted to say thank you to my anonymous karma increaser. It's been stuck for a while.




(The gemara says that when you give agift to someone you should tell them about it (so as to increase shalom in the world), how come karma increases are anonymous?)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: BIG SHOT!? 03 May 2018 00:30 #330616

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hey, i think ill add this to my signature!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: BIG SHOT!? 03 May 2018 16:38 #330637

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stillgoing wrote on 02 May 2018 22:22:
Just wanted to say thank you to my anonymous karma increaser. It's been stuck for a while.




(The gemara says that when you give agift to someone you should tell them about it (so as to increase shalom in the world), how come karma increases are anonymous?)

Wow! and thank you to the next 4 guys.
I know that some say that karma's are meaningless, and in some ways they are, but (I'm a big shot, and) I like to think of mine as a reflection of my posts, so it would be nice if you don't raise (or lower) them for no reason. (Even I have a reason for plusing ieeyc's negative karma count.
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: (BIG) LONG SHOT!? 29 Oct 2018 20:07 #336809

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I've come to realize that mental pornography is as bad as visual.

why I ever thought that thoughts were harmless is beyond me... 

but I really thought that when I studied that guy in shul instead of studying my gemara, I was 'just looking'. That wasn't pornography, the guy was dresed after all. and how about the mirror? It's impossible for an ssa guy to stay away from men. We live inside the body of one. But that's not porn. It's just a mirror. Just thoughts...

I've come to realize that mental pornography is as bad - or worse - then visual pornography.
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: (BIG) LONG SHOT!? 25 Nov 2018 16:44 #337467

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greetings t'all
   Although this post probably belongs on the Ssa thread, I'm putting it here, just to keep my thoughts organized.
I think that we know how controversially emotionally charged the topic of "conversion therapy is" for many, so just to preempt, what I am about to write does Not refer to conversion therapy.

I was wondering about all of my ssa friends, if anyone had done any therapy - official or casual - as to the root of their ssa - it's possible causes - what we are looking for when we lust after particular men. Something along the lines of Jonathon's weekly calls (and for those new ssa posters who don't know who Jonathon is - you can respond too).
My question is basically
     #1, Have you delved into what may have been a cause of your ssa?
     #2, Have you found that this line of thought has helped you, hurt you, or something else?
    
I'm in the process of doing this myself, and I was wondering what the esteemed chevra here, have to say about it.   There isn't a right or wrong answer here, so don't hesitate to write your thoughts.
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 25 Nov 2018 16:46 by stillgoing.
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