serenity wrote:


Sure...being blunt, like everyone else here I struggle with shmirat habrit and shmirat haeynayim. The interesting thing for me, which I never really knew before, is how much stronger my shmirat eynayim problem is than my shmirat habrit issue.

The former is a crazy addiction (which I never really knew before).
Now this addiction manifests itself daily by me staring at anything like an out of control lunatic when I go about my daily business...be it billboards or women in the street. I think this is a side affect of stopping watching pornography. But it's still an issue.
It's good that the battle lines have advanced but I need to start fighting this battle too and this is the self control I speak of.

As a side point on this I'm not sure whether I'll be able to master a strategy in this which avoids objectifying women (as traps to be avoided). This is clearly also an issue and I think is a symptom of someone who has not adequately dealt wih the problem.

Getting the balance right will also require masses of self control.

Again thru another day.
Happy.
Progress.
But not enough progress.
I really really need to stop wasting so much time!
Chodesh tov

Still clean! So happy, looking forward to the days to come

chiddush coming through (is anything a chiddush or have i just not learned enough?)
Anyway it's easy to be productive. Most of the time, if you've rested enough. Your brain wants to be stimulated. The easiest way to do this is via videos/the internet/mindless behaviour. But if you realise the drive to scroll through, say, a news feed, is really your brain saying that it isn't stimulated enough, you're onto a winner.
All you have to do then is stimulate it in an appropriate manner. I.e. read, work etc.
I also find I get bored and unstimulated when learning. Which means I'm not learning hard enough. Not going through enough mephorshim. Not locked in.
Stimulate your brain the correct way and you will never procrastinate negatively again.
This of course is not even one day acting on this advice. And i'm sure laziness will return. We'll see. Hope not.
Anyway still clean.
Don't want to tempt the YH but starting to feel that this is REALLY something that I want. Not just something I'm pretending to myself I want.
Something like an identity change.
But it has only been 3 weeks, easy does it.
Just have to get to the end of today!

Your positivity and well-focus on the "one day at time" mindset it really a big source of h'izuk for me ! And it seems to work very well for you !

Happy to hear such good news and from you !
Let's wait for other ones now !

Wow! Wow! Wow!
I'm 1/3 of the way through the 90 day challenge. Really never thought I'd be here. It's good. This new behaviour has become habitual now, and without tempting the Satan I'm feeling mentally very much at one with my ambitions (helped by this website). it's very much a part of my identity now.
Obviously Tayva comes and goes in cycles and I will be hit again badly.
But for now I'm feeling good. It's important for me to keep posting more regularly on this website. Adds a good habit.
BUt updating the 90 day challenge is the best feeling.
Really feel I'm achieving something.
Ironing out the creases.
Again one day at a time is the biggest source of chizzuk for me on a regular basis. Just get to the end of the day etc. Its really good.
Hope everyone else is doing well out there!

Great work! Very inspiring!

Shabbat shalom all!
Just one more day. One more time. But one to enjoy and use to rest and get closer to HBU

Cannot believe I fell...well really i can!
Sometimes I view the 90 day chart like snakes and ladders
which is the problem this isn't a game and I hope my yirat hashem grows from this experience
this is life and i'm not taking it seirously enough
I know I'll be back to where i was and go further and further and grow stronger and stronger
but I need to keep simple habits going every day and not let laziness or gayva get in the way of posting on this forum everyday, updating my status on the wall every day
and remaining strong and dedicated in my pursuit everday
i hope people learn from my case so far the dangers of gayva and that you are NEVER safe however much you feel that you are flying
shabbat shalom to all...hopefully henceforth only positive messages on this thread from me

Many of us realize that this sickness is all about ego and self-seekin' stuff.

so what will you be doin' this time?

You may write that you will post every day, but to me (and it's just my opinion) - that means very little - if anythin' at all.

b'hatzlachah

The way u view it...feel free to disagree, is that I always fall when im not osek in this website and writing up my progress and spending time each day realising the importance of this to me.

When I do that im generally much better...does this make sense?
Do u suggest further action?

Just a quick general update...today was good. I'm spending more time realising that perhaps I do not have that much yirat shamayim and yirat onesh, definitely something I need to work on

Yes I suggest more. ...nothin specific but more. ..this website will probably not sabe you all by itself.

cordnoy wrote:


Okay I hear this, is there anything in particular you have benefited from that you would feel comfortable sharing?

So far today has been a very good day.
I'm back into a good swing of things.
Trying to stay busy.
I'm wasting a lot less time these days which is really good especially as far as this is all concerned.
So far in total i suppose i've wasted around 3 hours today which is not terrible.
Going to try to do better tomorrow, staying busy is the best thing.
Just one more day!
Oh and I need to get to be early tonight, I can feel myself getting tired which is never a good place to be in.

You have the right attitude, and as you're realizing, recovery is largely a personal experience we have in the company of a supportive brotherhood. So while we could learn from others, and gather data on what's worked for them, the specifics of your needs will emerge only by pushing through on your journey. Believe me, I'm one of those people who hate non-linear, ambiguous, open-ended, no-right-answer propositions, and recovery is definitively, all of that.

Some basics though: staying busy is good, and keeping out of isolation as much as possible. Also (and this applies very much to me, and maybe you too) avoiding overly-stimulated emotional states, mellowing out, is important. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, this means not letting yourself get all over-inflated with optimism, excitement, etc., which, in the beginning of recovery, is normal, even healthy. So I suggest this last part loosely; if you have a choice between being super-stoked about staying clean, or depressed about all the new deprivation, the former is absolutely preferable!!! However, with every up, unfortunately, comes a down, and we addicts don't do too well with downs. That's why staying in the middle, relaxing, and working on letting-go and letting G-d is paramount.