Maybe Hashem is fighting for you. I don't know that the yetzer ever rests.

Heyhey. So I'm pushing on two weeks fully (I MEAN FULLY), clean.
Mumush learned a lot from this group and I have much to be thankful for.
Of all the tips which have helped me out so for it really is a case that the "one day at a time" mantra is the most effective. got me through some tougher times.
Now I feel great.
But anyone who has been following this will know that the last few days/weeks, I have found very easy. However, recently, probably due a lack of sleep, hormonal cycles etc (we can have a debate about whether to attribute spiritual significance to these things another time), I'm in a place of REAL TAYVA. And funnily enough, for the first time I am feeling the extent of my tayva for pornography.
Which is strange because I never really knew that I had this addiction before, I assumed I had other addictions, but never this one. And funnily enough this seems to be the most powerful of all.
Now i know that I have to battle this bout out, and that it's a question of real willpower in moments of lows.
But i've also had enough experience to realise that the temptation for partial surrender will lead to a full fall, and that I will feel infinitely worse afterwards than I do know.
It's a logic thought but the tayva can be, and is all consuming.
But like i said i have to fight it. Fight it by being active and doing the right thing. Sticking to my studies and my learning. Being productive with the time that I save etc.
And sleeping. I need to sleep more.
Thanks for the people that give me koach on my progress you are a big help.
And thanks for all the lessons I have learned. As I push into the 14th/15th day of this 90 day challenge, (again with the view that it's really one day at a time, and that I just need to get to the end of the day) I know the next few days will be a real challenge and I will face moments where I am blinding by addiction (to call it lust would be too generous, it's addiction plain and simple) I will need to push towards that goal of the ben torah I aspire to be.
hazlocho to all out there

ps. if there is spiritual significance to what's going on it's that I said the yetzer is regrouping and giving me a temporary break. Well, he took the bait and has hit back super hard. I reckon i've been hit this hard before BUT was never aware of it in the way I am now. Knowledge is power. Veitah!

pps. the names of the coins on the 90 day challenge are awesome and very very true.
thanks to whoever sorted those out

Things continue to be challenging today. Majorly so.
Altho maybe it's counter productive to say that.
Maybe I should put things in perspective...its a minor challenge!
Anyway...there's something in particular which I find interesting about addiction; it's when the voice of temptation moves from the external ("come on just do it"), to the internal ("i want to give in").

It's very confusing and much harder to tackle. One just has to be disciplined in externalism those thoughts masquerading as anything other than "don't do it".
At the same time maybe it's a useful time...With so much built up energy perhaps working like an animal on the things I have to do will dissappate some of this struggle.
But I WILL GET TO THE END OF THE DAY

My day is also very challenging right now.
Let's be honest with ourselves and don't hesitate to do what should be done !

Anw your posts were very inspiring, we can see strong wisdom in them !
Please continue to give h'izuk here !

What should be done?

Still clean, unbelievably, a fair few slips but still clean.

This has been a ridiculously tough time for me.

But I've pushed through.

Sometimes the YH I'd unbearable. You can't ride it out you have to get up and do something else, anything else.

No big chiddush that low sleep and low self esteem are big causes.

But it was weird to realise that the addiction is a virus USING my body for its purpose. It isn't me.
My neshama has to fight it out for the control of my body.

My neshama needs to be stronger.

I'm waiting for this patch to shift, and for hashem to returnn my koach to me.

I'm just happy I came this far...One more day!!!!

And I need to clean my head, work and learn probably rather than just spend time browsing the Web and doing pointless things

Easy does it. You don't need whatever it is you're taking in.

Hatzlacha!

ysftw wrote:


It is amazing that you spoke about that, the fight for the control of the body.
I had the zekhout to study Tanya on Tuesday and that was exactly this subject. The ninth chapter is all about the fight between nefesh haElokit and nefesh habaamit, and as it is written each one want the ENTIRE control, and won't be satisfied until that point.

The Rebbe noticed it is written for the nefesh haElokit "חפצה ורצונה" "its deep desire and volontee" is to control the body...
But for the nefesh habaamit it is only written "רצונה" "its volontee" is to control the body..
In fact even the nefesh habaamit/YH wants us to succeed the test and say no to its propositions. As it is mentionned in the Zohar II,163a by a mashal : it would be like a king who wants to test the integrity and purity of his only son. So he calls the most seductive woman of the kingdom and ask her to go for seduct his son. In fact even the seductive woman doesn't want the son falls with her, but she is forced by the King to use her most dangerous weapons of seduction or the test will not be true".

So even our YH doesn't want us to fall ! Thank you for reminding me this !

Happy you're doing we'll bH, hoping for others good news !

ysftw wrote:


Sorry didn't see this one.
It depends, for me I know it is calling someone I trust to have h'izuk (didn't succeed in this for the moment), or stand up and go for exercise or even go for some little limud.
We (I) never have time for these things but always got a lot to sliping more and more !

Not taking anything in...just feeling the brutal force of the fight with the powerful addictions that we all face in this forum

Palti-Yossef wrote:


So true, so important to be proactive at the onset before it becomes a real struggle

Palti-Yossef wrote:



I really really like that. It's like we're all on the same team just helping in different ways

Still going!
I need to become stronger in general, more self control etc...but still, happy!
One more day

Self control in what aspect, please explain if that's okay with you. TY.