Hello chevra - just wanted to post something about a couple of the tools I have been using in my effort to live better (i.e. w/o lust).

First is a general policy that I have bli neder given up eating desserts on weekdays, except in special situations... e.g. chasana, wife wants to share an ice cream, my child's birthday party. On Shabbos and Yom Tov, I allow myself sweets for dessert/snacks, but try to keep in mind it is for oneg Shabbos/YT or to help me reach meah brachos. I used to be an absolute cookie monster, so in addition to, b'ezras Hashem, cutting down on my taiva in this area, it probably has cut down on my waistline as well.

Second is a spreadsheet that I started back when I first joined GYE 3+ years ago. It tracks each day since the start... a zero if I wasn't mz"l, and whatever number of times that day if I did, c"v. The other columns track a history of the last 3, 7, 30, 60, 90, and 365 days, as well as total times since I started tracking. I find that keeping this "scorecard" helps me stay grounded in what I've been doing, for better or worse.

One thing I came to internalize in the middle of this was that just avoiding mz"l isn't nearly enough... I have to stop lusting altogether. For that reason, I started color coding days where I had a zero, b"H, but I had lusted. Yellow is yes, I lusted... while orange means I slipped but stopped myself before it went further.

That's "sheet1"... on "sheet3" is "Current Penalties"... to explain - I started a while back delaying eating breakfast (an outright fast even to midday would take to much out of me for work, imo) and not listening to music on my computer at work 5 workdays for each time I have been mz"l, and 1 workday for each time lusting... but if be"H, the day is clean, that's one unit of each killed off, as well as bonuses for being clean 3, 7, 30 days, etc. As you can see on sheet1, until last month, I had been a really bad boy for a while before that, and so my penalties on sheet3 really racked up. B"H, since then I've knocked maybe a quarter of where I was off the list.

Sorry this is so long - I am posting my file here in case in case anyone would want to try downloading it and tailoring it to his own usage... I make no guarantee that it will help, as everyone is different... but doing this has helped me, so I thought it would be worth it to open up some more and share with the chevra.

If anyone has any questions, you can PM me... but posting here would probably be better... as the old saying goes, if one person asks a question, 4-5 more out there are thinking it as well.

Have a great Shabbos,
Larry

Wow!

b'hatzlachah

Larry wrote:


My man!!!! Haha. I'm a spreadsheet nerd too, and this is some impressive work, I must say. Our hobby is not very appreciated in the general public, so it's nice to find a kindred neshama

I made one of these a while ago, long before I joined GYE. It was a good exercise, I suppose, but without the proper recovery context (12 Steps, etc.) and mindset, it was just that, a good exercise; it led nowhere. I might revisit this idea when I get some clean days (or, weeks) behind me, but for now, I want to just simplify, simplify, simplify, simplify, and focus on step work (while using the 90-day chart).

But, yeah, this is just great!

TalmidChaim wrote:

TalmidChaim - Thanks very much! I am 100% in agreement with you... this sheet is just a scorecard... it's not actually the ikar, which is changing myself and how I live... as anyone can see in the sheet, the sheet itself has certainly not been any type of panacea for me... but it does help me to remember where I've been... as opposed to getting too high during clean times and too low during the other times, c"v.

Hatzlacha rabba to you and everyone here.

-- Larry

Thanks! And please don't think that I'm not in awe of it; it's amazing. The mere exercise of making it, going through the motions, might really have a lasting effect on your consciousness of your addiction. So it's a great tool!

TC