Today is my first day in my 90 day journey. I've tried quitting before, but have only been able to go 6 days without relapse. I'm excited and optimistic about starting this journey to freedom on GYE with so much support and understanding from my new GYE brothers and sisters.

Welcome! Great optimism! It's important not to get down on yourself; keep it up.
For the record, you should not be finding any "sisters" here, as this is the MEN's forum.

Super! I wish you great success.

Keep posting.

Ah, let me fix that

Do you care to share some of your struggles with us? Anything we can learn from? What works for you?

I've known I had a problem for over a year, and have been working to free myself for 5 or 6 weeks. My greatest struggle is that sometimes it seems like I can't get out of autopilot – that there's just nothing I can do. My body/yetzer hara coerces and compels me, and despite my better judgement/yetzer hatov, I'm already beaten. I really don't know what to do in those situations.

As for what helps me, I find mindfulness meditation really helps a lot. I try to spend 20-40 minutes every day in mindful meditation. I've never relapsed on a day that I did my meditation practice. I tried looking for support on/r/nofap, but I felt like an outsider, so it didn't help much. Also, I'm reading a book The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz, which is helping me understand my addiction, and with that understanding comes increased control. Finally, I've been occupying my time with studying Torah, which I enjoy immensely, and which requires me to have a clear, focused mind. When I consider how much porn distracts me, how the images stick like posters to the walls of my mind, I realize that I'm giving up the joy of learning for a few minutes or hours of carnal indulgence, and it just isn't worth it for me.

I just printed out my 90 day calendar and I'm excited to start crossing off days. I think having a physical representation of my progress – something I can go look at if I need a little chizuk – will really help me in times of craving.

Yesterday, I set up a lot of the GYE tools. I signed up for chat, requested a sponsor and partner, downloaded the guide, ordered the Big Book, and set up a TaPHSiC fence. My distractions are meditation, a walk, and a cold shower. My light knas is one daytime fast within the next 7 days, and my heavy knas is 2 daytime fasts within the next 2 weeks. This morning, I called in to a phone meeting.

Last night, I had a test. After I came home, I was tired and a little bit stressed. I went straight to the computer and pulled down my pants, but then I remembered my shvua and how much I was looking forward to putting my first X marking the beginning of my journey on my calendar...I put my first X on my 90 day calendar this morning! It feels pretty good.

Very nice start!

Welcome,

b'hatzlachah on your journey recovery.

wow
thats a tremendous achievement!
באותו מקום ובאותו זמן ובאותו כלי
now try just one more day

You just climbed a mountain. One accomplishment brings another.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Thanks for sharing!
Real inspiration!
KOT!

On to day three!

Nothing really to add, except to say that I definitely wouldn't have made it even this far without GYE, and I'm feeling really good about myself.

Oh, I forgot. Last night, a classmate (not Jewish) at grad school said, "Hey, look at this!" and showed me a picture I won't describe on his phone. "Pretty nice view, huh?" As soon as I saw what it was, I quickly turned my eyes from the phone, looked him in the eyes, gave him a polite smile and said, "Uh huh," disengaged and let my mind move on to more interesting things. If he tries to show me something on his phone again, I'm going to tell him that I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested.

In the past I've had similar situations. In the outside/secular world this stuff is a sign of manhood. Not engaging makes us look odd, nerdy or even gay.
BUT ITS ALL WORTHWHILE - ISN'T IT?
lfi tzara agra

wow good for you!! That is awesome!! Halivei veiter!!!