מזל טוב! !!!!!!

אסאך נחת

Wow incredible!!!!!!!!!!! Could you please elaborate on the steps you have taken to reach this point?

I haven't been counting on a daily basis. I check in to GYE every couple of weeks (sometimes more often, sometimes less) to update my current streak. Sometimes I check in and intentionally don't update it because I enjoy seeing it jump 20 days ahead.

Steps I have taken:
1) After I broke my porn-free streak of over a year, I completely broke down and tearfully told my wife about my problem. (I should point out that I was only addicted to masturbation. Porn was an occasional thing) I am not advising anyone else to do this, but given my situation, and the fact that our shalom bayis was excellent and has only gotten better , telling my wife helped me greatly. I was literally sick before I told her, and when she accepted me I felt like a ton of brick was lifted off my chest.

2) Next, I signed up for the climb to 90. I'm at 212 now. I know that people say "one day at a time", and there is a lot of truth to that, but 90 days did a lot for me in two ways. First, you begin to notice that after 90 days your brain adjusts and you begin to form new habits. I began to feel this in as little as 2-3 weeks, and as I got closer to 90 it got easier. Also, having all those days behind me proves to me that I can do it, and it encourages me not to break the streak, because it would take me another 212 just to get back to where I am now, and by then I could be up to 424!

3) At the beginning I read all of the chizuk emails. To tell you the truth I don't really connect with them so much. I prefer learning from seforim myself and attempting to apply it to my own life. But I still skim the emails a couple times a week.

4) Installed K9 on my computer and had my wife put in the password. And I added a button at the top of the screen, so I can add websites to the block-list even though I don't know the password

Turns out my wife is tamei again, just the morning after mikva night, and we were not even able to have relations last night because the doctor had not cleared her yet . But it was nice to share a bed for the first time since 6+ weeks ago, and now we have a little 3rd party to cuddle with us too! Our baby is really cute. Also, at least we don't need to wait the 5 preliminary days before counting שבעה נקיים, as per פתחי תשובה סימן קצו.

mischaretani wrote:


thanks for your encouraging posts,

i noticed that you mentioned the pishchei teshuva at the end of your post. i think it will be a toeles to remind everyone here, to ask sheilos when relevant, and not to rely on anything mentioned here.
in this particular case, there are machmirim on 5 days, if she toiveled already, even if there was no relations, some make a difference if she came home from mikvah, or if there was contact, or even breaking a harchoka, and some say davka on the night, but not if she found herself tamei the next day.

1) רק באותו לילה, אבל למחרתו גם אם לא שימשה בלילה צריכה להמתין – הגריש"א זצ"ל (משנת השלחן תשובה שי"ד, אשרי האיש יו"ד פרק ל' אות ה'), פרדס שמחה (ס"ק נ"ט אות ו', "רק באותו לילה, אבל למחרתו גם אם לא שימשה בלילה צריכה להמתין"), לבושי עז (תמצית אות כ"ב), מראה כהן (פרק ד' הע' ט'), פתחי הלכה (ארטסקרול, פרק כ"ט הע' מ"ב).
א. לענין כתם – פתחי הלכה (ארטסקרול, פרק כ"ט הע' מ"ב).
2) "ודוקא בליל טבילה שאחר ראיית הוסת, אבל אם טובלת בגלל כתם או דם בתולים, וראתה דם בליל טבילה, אין להקל בזה" – יסוד הטהרה (פרק ג' הע' ה').
2. מיקל רק כשראתה קודם שבאה לבית בעלה.
א) סולת למנחה (סוף סי' קצ"ו) – "אם ראתה מיד אחר טבילתה קודם שבאה אל בית בעלה כלל דפוסק' באותו יום כי בלא"ה בלא שמשה הוא חומרא גדולה והבו דלא לוסיף עלה".
ב) לבושי טהרה (סעי' כ"ג) – "והעיקר כדעת המחמירין רק לעת הצורך יש להקל".
ג) גר"י ברקוביץ שליט"א (זרע שמואל הע' שכ"ג) – "שהפוסקים מחמירין בזה אא"כ עדיין לא באת לביתה".
3. מחמיר.
א) נוב"ת (יו"ד סי' קכ"ה) – "ולפי שגוף חומרות הללו אין להם על מה שיסמכו ולכן הרוצה לסמוך בזה על בעל פ"י מי ימחה בידו לענשו עבור זה. אבל המנהג הפשוט כדברי הט"ז".
4. מר"מ – הר צבי (יו"ד סי' קנ"ז ד"ה ואף), אג"מ (יו"ד ח"א סי' צ"ז ענף א' ד"ה אבל, הגר"ש איידר זצ"ל ח"ב פרק ב' סוף הע' קי"א), הגר"ש איידר זצ"ל (ח"א עמ' מ"ח), ששבה"ל (סיכום אות י"ב, "ותעשה שאלת חכם"), בדה"ש (בי' ד"ה ויש, עמ' שט"ו, "ולדינא צ"ע").

Thanks, I am aware of the differing opinions, but my case is different because my wife is still in the middle of ימי טוהר. See פתחי תשובה that I quoted. And I spoke to a Rav as well, presented him with the different opinions in the פוסקים, and he agreed that in my case I should rely on the פתחי תשובה.

ok.
i didn't mean to address you personally.
i wrote it for the tzibbur.
and i wrote it to show there are different opinions,
and above all we should be careful when presenting halachic opinions,
and of course we should do what you do;
ask our rav.

Still haven't been with my wife since the baby (almost 2 months). She became tamei the same night that she went to the mikva, and hasn't produced a clean hefsek tahara yet (8 days).

It's a tough situation. Try not to count the days. Just accept things as they are right now. I know it is easier said than done.

gibbor120
Who cares about "easier said than done," just accept things as they are now! Say everything is for the best!

@dms1234. No, I think gibbor has this one right. It is certainly easier said than done. I can say everything is for the best from today until tomorrow, but it is still frustrating. I CAN accept the things that are out of my control, and whether or not I like it, it is where Hashem wants me to be right now. That I can accept. But it's still frustrating and I am waiting eagerly for it to end.

i really feel for you. i had once a three month situation.
no way to calm the frustration. i just tried to keep busy when anything i could.
may Hashem have mercy.

I hear you and of couse its easier said than done. Its always easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done. Saying i will eat this piece of cake is easier than eating it! But that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Since, when should easiness be are gauge?

I have no idea what you are going through, I'm purely commenting on the phrase: "easier said than done"

I don't want to start anything that belongs on the Baalei batim's forum, so don't click the spoiler if niddah discussions bother you.

Feel free to PM me or email me.
Hatzlocha (and Mazal Tov!)

Moish