For today, I am clean since 12 days.

I think I can try a new attempt to reach the 90 days...

I had difficult moments in wednesday and thursday of the past week, but I hung and it passed.
I need to stay vigilant, I pray to Hashem that He helps me to stay clean !

Three things that help me a lot :
- I take one day at a time, one moment at a time. If I think to tomorrow or to the next hour, especially when I have a lust attack, things begin to be worse very quickly.
So : today I am clean. Tomorrow ? Not my problem actually.

- When I have an attack, I think about the moment AFTER a fall. The yetser hara tells me that this "little moment" will help me, but I know and I have to remember to me that is a LIE.
After the fall, all will be worse. Nothing will be resolved. And this very very very little moment of pleasure will crush all, and after, all what I will feel is SUFFERING. A BIG SUFFERING.

- I have a new phone since 3 weeks, a little Android phone. I managed to install a filter in it with a strong password, and I blocked many applications (Youtube for example). I wrote the password on a paper, and my wife has hidden the paper.
This filter is Funamo.
I had many falls in the past with my old Nokia phone because I couldn't install a filter in it... I understand now what I was in error, and I should change my phone earlier.

May Hashem helps us all to stay clean. And to always remain lucid.

KUTGW!!!

One moment at a time was a game changer for me as well, took so much stress out of the struggle!!

just a little misunderstanding, you wrote the password or your wife?

wow
its really giving me a big Chizik to hear your update
just keep it up

Pidaini wrote:

Because my wife is not aware about the computing, I wrote a password impossible to remember in the filter (like "opvzonzuighpcioaevzerge"), I have copied it on a paper and I gave this paper to my wife (what she made of it, I don't know, normally she has hidden it).

I have taken some days before to configurate the filter myself : to know how it works, what can be blocked, to add websites to the blacklist...
When the configuration was fine, I created the password.
From this moment, I didn't need the password again. Oh, and the filter have also a reporting function that I activated.

I am fully aware that the best method would have been that my wife has created herself the password, but for the moment, I will let the things like this. We'll see, but it's already much much better than without a filter at all...

That sounds great!!! Thanks for clarifying!!

and KoT!!!!!!

21 days of staying clean today

I have some difficult days at the end of the last week, but they passed.

Actually, I must stay vigilant, because even a little lack of attention and the Yetser Hara runs to me very fast !

An example : yesterday, when co-workers went to lunch and I was alone at the office, I began to see some videos of Formula 1 on Youtube, just by curiosity... After a few minutes, I was beginning to see others videos, and I felt that the desire to see "others interesting videos" was beginning to return into me : before the things was out of control, I stopped and closed the browser immediately.

So, even if the things seem to be ok, we must stay vigilant and keep in mind that we are dependant and very sensitive to lust ! A constant vigilance...

wow
y shouldnt u put on k9 on ur computer that blocks youtube?

David keep on trucking you're a inspiration to us all!!

ddmm11219 wrote:
I can't install a filter on my computer at work because, to summarize, the proxy filter of my company blocks all personnal filters installed on a machine (yes, surprising)

The proxy filter of my company blocks most of the porn sites, but not some.

For these that are not blocked, I installed in my Firefox a module called LeechBlock that permits to block access to sites in Firefox : you must manually enter the URLS of the sites you want to block.
So I did, with the sites that I know that are sensitive for me.

The module doesn't have a password function, but a big random code that you have to enter if you want to modify it : something like 64 or 128 caracters with letters, numbers, and others things, very complicated... The time et the concentration needed to enter the code is enough to calm me down !

It's not perfect, I recognize, but it's better than nothing

Yesterday, I reached 29 day of staying sober

The week was not easy with many stressful moments (an important medical exam for my mother, many important and stressful choices to do for work and other things...) but I managed to stay calm and to relativize all these events...

Hachem does all the best for us, all the events of our life come from Him, and He does all for the tov, even it isn't seems to be tov.
I am much working on Emuna, to keep trust and to not be worried about the future and all the problemes of the life...

Also, I am realizing that, even if I am staying sober, I have to be on my guards at every moment, especially when I am on Internet at work :
This week, at lunch time, when nobody is at work, I happened to begin to surf on some news sites, nothing of problematic.
Suddenly, my attention was caught by an "attractive" article. Before I realize something, I clicked on it. It was an article about some lust, no porn at all, but the pictures was not very tzniut.
After some seconds, there was like a slap in my mind, I ran away from this sites and I closed the windows. But the pictures stayed in my mind, appearing suddenly in my thoughts here and there, and it taken me one day or two to stop to think to them.

Even a little moment of lessening or distraction can bring us quickly to the bottom !

KUTGW!!!

And Please KOP!!! You've got great stuff to share!!!

Thank you!!

Yesterday, I reached the day 41 of staying sober

I am working a lot everyday on Emuna, to stay in confidence of Hachem, to not stress about the events of the life... To relativize all.
It's a big work, and I see that Hashem sends me very often some little tests to see if I am good, and to remember to me to continue to work !

Clearly, I realize how mast*** and p*** are symptoms and not the bottom line of the problem : if the problem is found and we fight him, then the symptoms are less problematics, and with work they can go away.

Also, I see how have a filter on his mobile phone and his computer is VITAL !!!!

May Hashem helps us all !!

Fell after 42 days

Yesterday it was a day with many tiredness, tension... The yetser hara attacked me again and again, and yesterday afternoon I got a little moment with less attention and I went to some sites at work... Ha ! Now he is in the place :/

I tried to not do it, I resisted and resisted, sometimes going to these sites, sometimes resisting to not go, saving pictures on my phone and deleting them one hour after.... The night was horrible with thoughts and thoughts, I davened this morning and tried to concentrate only on my tfilot, but once arrived at work, I fell very fast !

When the thoughts and the desire are very very very strong and I am pulling my hair, it's taking sense to continue to resist ? It isn't better to fall and to continue on new basis ?
This is an argument of my yetser hara in these moments, I think that the answer is to continue to resist, but I want to know how to beat this argument...

I think that I had signs of this, I had difficulties in my midos and my tefilot since 3-4 days, it was a signal that I should have caught...

I must block all images search of all search engines of the world in the filter of my mobile phone.

I am sad of my fall, but I see how I succeeded to stay sober 42 days, with also many fights.
I am trying to think to another things, to not fall a second time this day, and to go to a new period of sober with the help of Hashem.


Tomorrow will be a new day

SOrry about the fall, David, just remember fell shmell!!

The only thing you need to do is learn from it.

You have brought out a few great points,

First, How you tried to resist, and you didn't want to, yet you couldn't hold yourself back. That's an amazing observation, that there is something stronger than you, something "forcing" you to do something that you don't really want to!!

Second is the question " It isn't better to fall and to continue on new basis ?"

It's not such a bad question, depending on what the goal is. If my goal is to feel good, then the question is a good one. I don't feel good now, the easiest way to feel good is to fall and feel bad and good about feeling bad (typical "nuclear reset").

If the goal is to stay clean no matter what happens to me, no matter what I "feel" like, then the question doesn't make any sense.

The ultimate question is though......(can you guess?)

What's going to be different this time?

KOT brother!!! KOMT!!!! You're on the right path, you're learning a bunch of new things!!!

KUTGW!!!!!!!!

Hi David,
I think we started about the same time as I am not on day 45 and had a very tough day yesterday and suddenly its gotten harder just as I thought things were getting easier but I guess thats the constant milchama and it wont go away after 40 or 90 or 900 days - I of course am in NOOOOO position to offer advice but I am trying to remind myself of all the great perks of living a clean live, being able to look your wife in the eye and know you arent betraying her, growth in davening and learning and closeness to H-shem, being able to look at your kids in a new way, hope these things can keep me going - and can help you get going again.
Much Hatslacha and strength!!!!!!!!!