Brother wrote:

I'm thinking that it's my turn to post something, I'm not quite sure what...


[The funny thing when we try to get chassidsh girls to notice us is that they don't even have a say in their shidduch prospects, it's not like they can go home and say: "Totty, you saw that bachur dancing with a real simcha for the Torah- I really admire him." That ain't happening!]

when an addict goes for a chassidish girl you km ow his addiction is lishmah!

talking about stressed out emotions

I was at a dinner recently for some organazation that I absolutely had to attend and everyone decided without telling me that at formal events you are supposed to wear as little clothes as possible while still looking formal!!!

who is dressing these people?!?!?!? (or not dressing them for that matter)

thank god I was able to be strong but it takes a toll on the nerves leaves you reeling like an open root canal or like a frayed live wire that's just zapping away!

thank god I was strong and it is only with your help hashem
ven though we have our differences God, I know with all my heart that the lige tou give to me today is a beautiful gift, and the wife you gave to me is beyond any beautiful gift imaginable!

help me to appreciate her annnd not use her, love her and not lust over her!

and thank you God for giving me a clean day today and I pray that you help me tomorrow!

thank God i am still clean.

hashem you are with me every moment helping me and holding my hand.
i have serious questions and issues with the way you do things, but the inescapable truth is that you love me and take care of me even though i dont really deserve it.

help me please have a clean day tomorrow!

i am reviving an old hobby of mine from my youth...

and no its not what you may think it is, its a healthy one.

i used to play lots of guitar in high school, and then dropped it because i realized i dont have the time to become a famous rockstar. but i recently took it up again and it really helps me relax and release pent up stress and emotions.

thank you hashem for giving me tools to work on my recovery!

Guitar is an awesome recovery tool!

still here still breathing!

thank God I am alive!!!!!!!!!!!

why am I alive? what did I ever do to deserve this gift? and that is the answer! if it were possible for us to deserve life than we wouldn't be able to humble ourselves, but if it is clear to us that we deserve nothing and are given everything we can be humbled.

eliyahu hanavi told me two things one I forgot and it kills me till today that I forgot the other was that this world is like free tickets to a concert, if its not to your liking so what, it was a free ticket! instead of complaining figure out why you are here and how to make the most of it!!!!!!!

thank you god for keeping clean so far today and please help me stay clean for the rest of this day

Thank you for the life you have given me and I am sorry for always complaining about the little things instead of looking at the great beauty that you have given to me!
thank you hashem!

afreshstart39 wrote:


Sorry to disagree with your navi, but I read in some sefer that this world is like a "Berliner hotel". You get as much food and entertainment as you desire, but when you leave you get this huge bill that must be paid.

Hatzlacha

MT

Machshovo Tova wrote:

I heard a similar moshol that may be somewhat of a compromise between the version the two mentioned.

This world is like a fancy hotel. You are welcome to come in and enjoy and partake in all the amenities, but you foot the huge bill when you leave. But if you work for the Hotel Owner, then it's all on the house.

Disclaimer: May have to tweak the moshol a bit. You have to show your Boss how your indulging was a legitimate business expense before you are reimbursed.

no mashal is perfect, that's why we call it a mashal,

what my navi was trying to tell me was that i was put here, and given a beautiful life, and i can complain if i want to, but when i complain i negate the beauty i was given.

the hotel mashal, while true, doesn't sit well with me because it gives me the sense that i need to walk around this world terrified of doing things because of "the bill". of course we need to be careful, but there is a difference between being careful and always stressing about the bill.

the free concert is a way of looking at the world where hashem gave us beauty and we need to enjoy it and use it correctly without getting distracted by he silly vendors "outside the concert hall" who only have foolishness to sell.

there is a story of the baal shem tov where he had to spend a shabbos at a certain rav's house. the whole shabbos the rav would sit in his chair and not move out of fear that he may break the shabbos inadvertently. the baal shem tov was very upset about this type of avodah, because although he was protecting himself from sin, that was just not shabbos.

the hotel mashal reminds me of that rav where we have to walk around always worried we are going to be left with a bill, as opposed to seeking out the real holy sparks of good in this world and experiencing them in the correct way.

if you get chizuk from that story great, that's just my feeling.

I am an idiot!

recently my wife became mutar and I feel like I really struggling.
she told me that I shouldn't expect anything to happen and it'll just be up to her and how she feels at that moment.

that hurt, and I really felt like throwing in the towel because what she was saying and doing was "don't get your hopes up!"

recently I have been haveing a very hard time triggering and I guess slipping as well. I can't watch movies and tv becaise that was part of my mo as well as I would use that escape to move into porn. a common excuse was "well I just wasted 2 or 4 hours getting emotionally involved in someone else's life I might as well go all the way! "

so now no movies, but staryed watching a lot of trailers and reading plots on Wikipedia and that has really sucked me in to the point that I am not getting work done

its not a total hostile takeover, but I feel that same gut feeling and I am scared that it will lead me back down the rabbit hole to my fake world of filth!

and here comes the idiot part
my wife just texted me and said "there are some things that make me in the mood like complimenting me a lot and taking out garbage without me asking like checking before leave in morning and before so then I feel like u are thinking about me and want to make my life easier "

now I do these things but not in the best way possible especially when I am in a bad mood and struggling.

I had all this resentment in me for her and I realized that all she wants is real love, the knowledge that there is someone that cares about her every need and us there for not only when sex is involved

I'm an idiot for not fully realizing this before even though you guys say it over and over again here on the forum and that it is really just plain common sense, an item that addicts sometimes just choose the leave behind.

thank god I am still clean and I don't want to go back there ever, please help me today to stay clean my god! and help me to realize and learn that I need to love my wife for real and not just in a fake skin job way!

wow its so much chizik for me to see how you are holding urself. gives me a real will and push to keep it up
ה' עמך גבור החיל

afreshstart39 wrote:



Don't worry. You are not an idiot. You are just a selfish lust addict. I'm not being cynical. Realize what you are up against and do the things that you have to do even when it doesn't come naturally.

My wife has told me the same things in the past. She was 100% right.

The other day I was really upset (I cant remember about what). I needed to go out and run an errand and really didnt feel like saying anything as I left.

I did though see a video a few days before that expressing grstitude can increase one's happiness so as I left I thanked my wife for th gatorade that she had broght me home earlier.


and y'know what? It put a real smile on her face and it actually made me feel better.

Ok I'm going off on a tangent but the point is that, even though,

"men need sex to feel loved, women need love to want sex"

Eli

I think you know you're not an idiot, there are so many things we know intelectually, and sometimes we just knock our heads in the wall later and say "OMG, how could I not have seen it?!"

It's live and learn in this game, and you're doing both, enjoy it !!

KUTGW!!!

You're doing GEVALDIGGGGGG!!!!

whether or not he's an idiot is irrelevant at the moment, point is