ok, i'm keeping a list of people who will drink a l'chaim so i can be with all of you spiritually - battleworn, and the mispallim in guard's shul...so far.

Jack, I am not a drinker, but I will make an exception for you my brother!! L'Chaim!

By the way, Day 70 deserves a L'Chaim too, after allthe Gematria of Yayin (wine) is......................70

Chazak V'Emazt!

So is the Gematria of "Sod". That's why, Mitoch Yayin Yatza Sod. Jack, the secret is out. You are no longer a Tzadik nistar, but a Tzadik Galui.

But since we don't know who Jack is, and Jack's friends don't know what Jack is doing, I guess he can still qualify for "Tzadik Nistar", no?

you guys are too much, just too much!!! jack

Also,  נר  is gematria 70.

200 + 50 = 250 ( from the "250" we add the 2 + 5 = 7) and we leave the "0" and this gives us "70" as well.

  "נר"  is light, and Jack there is no question you are bringing tremendous light into the world. So much light in a world of darkness, and all because of your tremendous Avodah.

Your light is warming my heart, and burning the klipos there.
   

everyone - i met elya k. in person! live! he's a real person, not just a voice on the phone! anyway we spoke for an hour, and i felt relaxed as usual.let me give you my stages:
1-40 days were filled with terrible withdrawal anxiety.prior toi finding this site, i had to remove that anxiety by acting out.when i found this site, i just called elya and unloaded on him.this helped me get past it and through it.
days 40-63 were pretty smooth.
on day 64, i felt a tremendous depression, because of the loss of my 'friend'.once again, i turned to my 'group', as rabbi twersky says to do, and i was able to get through those hard times as well.it is now day 72 and it is not so bad now. what awaits me in the next stage? i'm sure whatever it is, my friends will be there for me.without this site, recovery was UNTHINKABLE! jack

Jack, you are amazing, simply amazing!!!!!.  Hashem is looking down and shepping nachas.  Are you willing to tell us what other avenues you tried (successfully or not) until you found this site or doing together with the site, 12 step meetings, private therapy etc.?  You don't need to share this info but if you want to it could help others in the same situation.  Thanks.

i went to therapy 22 years ago.i had a genius of a therapist who was able to explain to me what my parents had done to me.this took 2 1/2 years.after this, i knew the work was still to be done - the therapy only served to enlighten me on what my life was all about - and enlighten it did! i then 'stumbled' across a group of people running an exercise class for jews (i wont elaborate here although guard knows what it is) where the people there were much like the people on this site - willing to help a fellow jew in need, like i was.i wasn't criticized, although i was one of the slowest progressors in the group.my self esteem and self-confidence were lowwww.they helped me build it up.this took me 20-25 years.my self-confidence is still not that great, but it's way more than it was before i started therapy.the porn was ALWAYS there, it 'helped' me feel happy, although temporarily.i would need a 'fix' every so often, just like a drug addiction.of course i knew it was wrong, but it was what i 'needed'. then for one short second, this site popped up in yeshivaworld.com, and i quickly copied down the url.that was about 2 1/2 months ago.i was lucky in my life to have 'chanced upon' the people who helped me, and when i found them, i didn't let go.there are so few people like guard, and the others here, that when i saw what was going on here, i knew that i had finally found the help i needed.i started out life very rough, with a traumatic childhood, a holocaust survivor father who was brutal to me, and a very tough young adulthood, but then, 'somehow', i met all the right people. you on this site have also met the right people, dont let them go, and join that phone group!!! you cant do it alone, it's too powerful a force! this man guard is standing at the top of the mountain pulling us all up - dont you see that?? but, who is pulling HIM up?? I think Hashem gave him special kochos that he has chosen to use for the greater good.but i think that rabbi twerski is HIS inspiration, and who is rabbi twerski's inspiration? years and years of proper mesora stretching all the way back to avrohom aveenu.just read rabbi twerski's books about living each day, etc, and you can see the wisdom of life that he has, and who also has chosen to use HIS special kochos for the good of klal yisroel.i wish all my friends out there hatzlacha raba from the depths of my heart. jack

one more thing (for now). i am currently working on how to fill the 'void' in my soul, since i removed my 'friend'. jack

Jack,

  Fill that void with the very best that Hashem has to offer:
 
1) Lot's of SIMCHAH!!! (Be happy your a yid)
    a) you put on tzizis today.......UNBELIEVABLE!
    b) you put on teffilin today.....INCREDIBLE!
    c) How many brochos did you say today??? (Shem V' Malchos)

After thinking about the above, you can now rightfully overflow yourself with unlimited quantities of HIGH self esteem,and confidence. This is what you deserve, the very best that Hashem has in store for us!  This should take care of that void.
   

Jack, if I got up this morning just to read this post of yours, my day would have already been worth it!

Remember what Rabbi Twerski told you: "Think seriously about who you are and what you can make of yourself. Sexual gratification may give you momentary pleasure, but does nothing to make you into a better person."

You, Jack, are becoming a better person each day. That should help fill the void.

And if you feel the void coming on, maybe think about what you can do, right then and there, to make yourself a better person. Firstly, saying "No" is already a big step towards that goal, but maybe you can plan on even more. For example, say to yourself, hey, I haven't learned Tana"ch in a while, or I don't say enough Tehhilim, or I should do a bit more for my wife, or call my parents/friend/Rebbe more often, etc... And plan to act on this new thought when you get home. In this way, each time you feel a void, you will fill it with a "desire" to be a better person, like Rabbi Twerski said.

thank you all for your help. i'll try to try - dont forget - i was criticized and put down by my parents for close to 30 years, this is hard to undo - this is not 'just' habitual behaviors, these are thoughts in my head of worthlessness.when i finished therapy, i understood everything, but the feelings are taking a very long time to undo. so i hope i can take your suggestions and put them into practice, this work has to be done together with the work we're doing here - or else it won't be complete.later i must tell you, to those of you who are parents, what you must do for your children so they dont end up looking for pleasures to fill a void - of course there are never any guarantees in life, but at least do what is in our power to do, and that is to make our children feel loved, that they are worth our time, while disciplining at the same time not criticizing or making them feel low in any way, while at the same time teaching them that the way of truth is the Torah's way.yes, it's a hard job - and it takes work.but the rewards are worth it. jack

Jack: Thanks for giving me strength.

dear chasdei avos and the rest of 'my family',
i accept your thanks.we help each other.that's what we are here for, that is a d'oraisa obligation placed upon us by the Creator of all things and all people.He knew we can't do it alone, therefore he gave us a mitzva that we are responsible to help each other when in need.and that's how i'm doing it, as i've said a thousand times in the last 76 days (!). some people out there are amazed at how i 'did it' so quick.my wonderful friends, 38 years is not quick.it took time, patience, and meeting the right people.i hung around jewish (frum) places, and i was slowly eased into the right direction.and the final step was this website.so, i love you, but i must tell you, it wasn't quick, it's not easy, it still requires brute force, but it needs the caring of other people, and for me and all of us, total anonymity.because i, like everyone here, dont want it known who i am.that's why it worked.the anonymity of this site is the final ingredient that i needed - to have someone to talk to about this struggle without anyone finding out who i am.
today is day 76! start shopping for J & B. jack

J&B?:!? You deserve at least johnny walker blue label

chasdei avos