Jack,

  Don't think you are alone. My Y"H is keeping me busy. I knew from the previous patterns that he would start with the Yom Tovim. Just as we have been saying through out the posts, when there is more kedushah, the menuval comes to try and take everything away from us. He has been putting the most crazy ideas into my mind. Even towards the end of Neila, he was filling my mind with tumah, BUT, I knew that he was angry, and I did not get depressed about these ideas. It wasn't me that was thinking them. So, I just pushed them out asap and prepared for Sukkos.
  Just imagine, I was sitting with my wife in the Succah, and she was thinking about inviting some girls for Shabbos-Yom Tov who are checking into becoming frum. Yes, what an opportunity to do Kiruv! (this is what the menuval is saying to me). It is known that these girls don't dress properly according to our standard, i.e. tight dresses etc. I B"H said out loud, "this is not for me" and my wife understood, but, immediately afterwards, the menuval pumped a strong feeling of remorse into my entire being for having spoken up and "lost the opportunity".
  Jack, we are all with you, and we are WINNING together! Just instead of fighting him head on, (i.e. when he pushes you don't push back) but rather  try to move to the  side when he comes. As it is known that we cannot think 2 thoughts at the same time, so try to be mesiach da'as from his giber and put a different thought into your mind. Even 100 times.

Wow Me, keep giving the menuval those kock out punches!!

Thank you for the good wishes!

well, in chutz laaretz, day # 50 is shemini atzeres, in israel simchas torah.  today hashanah raba, is day 49 straight, no zera levatalah.i've  passed through two niddah periods without any zera levatala.
so, hoshanah rabbah is shevuous, here in america for me.when i was with my wife, it was REALLY special.it was just like they say - you're waiting for the right time - that's what Judaism is - waiting for the right time. and it was really a special, special feeling for me. of course my wife had no inkling what i was thinking. have to go now - love you ALLLLL.... jack

Jack, we love you! I keep adding your posts to your time-line on our site on this page.

When you hit 90, I'm taking you over to the "Recovery Story" Section!

Think of how many Yidden have been, and will be, inspired by your valiant struggle!

I believe that right at this moment, if you look up into heaven, very high up, and then look even higher, above the clouds, you will surely see the malachim, srafim, and oifanei hakodesh (angels) dancing together with the Ribbono Shel Olam at your success in avoidas Hashem. You are bringing constant glory to the heavens and to Hashem and to all yidden in the world and have already contributed to the hastening of Meshiach.

Thank you Jack and everyone for inspiring me to be clean (bli ayin horah and bisiyata dshmaya) for my longest stretch in many many years.

You guys give me incredible chizuk and inspiration to fight this war with all my koichos.

Thanks and continued hatzlaacha

Chasdei Avos

Chasdei Avos: Right on!!!

Chazak V'Ematz!

you know what we sang this simchas torah? we sanr baruch elokeinu shebaranu lechvodo VEHEEVDELANU MEEN HATOIM - WE ARE separate from those that are mistaken!! hashem separated us from them!!
you know what else we sang? ashreinu mah tov chelkainu - how good is our portion!! noone in shul could know what my kavanos were at the times we were singing that - but everyone here knows. the first clean simchas torah in my life! i'm feeling so much better at not having to hide from my friends, my rabbi, my chevrusas, my wife, my kids, my work colleagues, who else? anybody on the street who, when they see me, think i 'm a religious jew.but now, i dont have to hide, and it makes life so much better.dont we know halacha is for our benefit?? G-d cares for us, and he wants us to do the what's good for us - uvacharta bachaim - choose life, He says in the TORAH. but we have bechirah, and this is the only way that life can make any sense.because without the struggle, there can be no reward.so, everybody, fight on, and enjoy the results, because this IS what Hashem wanted, and wants for us.
today, friday, is day 52!!  i'm surprising even myself.i'm with all of you in heart and soul. jack

I was depressed before I saw your post but now you just filled me with simcha. You are such a tremendous chizuk. Keep going strong, CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!

i'm usually soft-spoken, but there are times when i speak out, and i just saw a story that influenced me to speak my mind. there is a place selling sheitels that look like sarah palin's hairdue! are we jews, or are we something else? addiction is one thing, but trying to imitate others is something else entirely.and many years ago, i was in a kosher chinese restaurant with someone who didn't keep kosher. he told me they dyed the ends of the meat red to look like pork! why must we imitate them? why must we eat kosher bacon bits? why must we eat kosher shrimp? or look like sarah palin?
today is day 55 no zera levatala. but my eyes are wandering like crazy - this is my next task. jack

I'll probably get kicked out of this frum forum for this but:
Shaitels make women look better than their own hair, so what's the point?
Hey, don't knock the hopefully next Vice President of the U.S.  The prettiest one so far, too.

(my wife wears a shaitel, so don't even start).
And spending $2,000.00 TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a sheitel when you don't have
food to put on the table, or a table for that matter?

My favorite quote by Rabbi R.W. Emerson is effective here:

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

The problem is we don't know our true selves.  We haven't figured out our Tachlis in this world.  And instead of searching for it within ourselves and our strengths, we fantasize and hope it is somewhere else far away; on a vacation, on the internet, in the street.  If only my _____ looked like that.  If only I had his money.  If only I was as learned as him, THEN I would be fulfilled and happy.  If only _____ would stop doing _______ then I could find fulfillment, but until then, I'll just waste the moments of my life away with the Yetzer Harah.

Remember Zusia?  G-d will not ask me why I wasn't another Moshe Rabbeinu or Dovid Hamelech, he will ask me Why I wasn't Zusia, what I was intended to be.

Haha Elya.

As baal teshuva, I never understood sheitels.  To me it seems like its something that has become so common in frum society that its at the point where you have to get one to fit in or keep up with the Cohens'. 

Sometimes i feel like i've left one superficial culture for another  ???

Jack keep it up! I hope to be like you one day soon.

Guys, take it easy on the sheitles. I remember once seeing somewhere that there is some deep kabbalistic problem with married women showing their real hair. So even if the sheitle looks the same as real hair, it still doesn't do the same spiritual damage. However, I definitely agree that any woman who buys long haired shaitles and causes others to look at her, is playing with real fire. In the same way a woman who wears tight clothing is being Machshil the Rabbim, even though her clothing may confirm to the strict letter of "Tznius".

Like PostalServico said, unfortunately, there is much superficiality in the frum community today. But humans are humans. Unless a person is forced to search for Hashem, we often take the easy road. But the chizuk e-mails and the posts on this forum are anything BUT superficial. That's why we here on this forum are so fortunate. Davka because Hashem gave us these powerful struggles, we need to seek him out and find him and learn to trust in him in ways that 90% of other frum Yidden never achieve! So PostalServico, thank Hashem for the struggles and for your ability to learn to give Hashem your heart, and to be part of a community of Yidden who are trying to serve Hashem with true sincerity!

guardureyes wrote on 28 Oct 2008 10:01:


Amen. What we are all doing here is truly inspirational!