hello all my holy brothers, this is jack.
what do you mean 'all in my zechus'?! i cant take so much credit! i'll take a little, ok. all i'm doing is tearing my hair out (what's ever left) and telling you about it. you are doing your own individual work. ok, we all need support.but bechira is a precious gift given by the Creator to each of us. without bechirah we can have NO reward. as a matter of fact, without the yetzer hara we can have no reward! up till now, i've said nothing about this, but now, i must tell you, although the yetzer hara wants us dead, he at the same time is our BEST FRIEND! fighting him and winning is what Hashem wanted!! there can be no reward without the struggle! the bottom line, after all the support we are getting from the fine, fine people on this site, the untershte shura, is we have to defeat our own personal yetzer hara with brute force. noone is following me around to see what i do or don't do.i know there are people here who are with me in my struggle. but when push comes to shove, i'm alone. during lunch, i can do one of 2 things.... but i know that guard and elya and mevakesh, and niceguy and battleworn and everybody are 'watching' me. but in reality, i'm alone at that moment. so dont give me so much credit, take some for yourselves every time you win. not too much, you dont want to let your guard down (no pun intended). and you dont want to become a ba'al gaavah.
by the way, today i'm starting day # 21 of sobriety. my warmest wishes to all of you. jack

I think it's funny how people with low self esteem (my self included) feel that we will
become haughty by recognizing our own strengths. Or acknowledging the fact, sometimes for the
first time in our lives that  HEY! I AM A GOOD PERSON AND A BENEFIT TO SOCIETY!

I've spent my entire adult life trying to make myself into someone I'm not.  Trying to
fix my weaknesses and never even exploring what I'm good at.  Finally, through
recovery and the help of a few other coaches I have found that for myself.  It's not
a matter of gaavah, it's a matter of self worth.

As "Rabbi R.W. Emerson" said, " To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make
you something else, is the greatest accomplishment."

Don't diminish your worth, just because other do, or did, or will. Stand up and face the world
proudly.

My point here is not to be critical.  It is to get people to realize that this addiction is not about
the sex, porn, or "the m word" - it's about connecting with ourselves for the first time in our life
so that we feel comfortable alone and don't need or want outside stimuli to define us.

Thanks Elya for the wise words. For a great talk on self-esteem from Rabbi Avraham J. Twersky, who suffered himself from this problem all his life, click here.

Jack! 21 days is a big milestone. Many studies have shown that 21 days is a major breakthrough in changing a habit! I made a search on Google for "change habit 21 days" and look at just some of the links I got!!

www.francesfarmersrevenge.com/stuff/archive/oldnews6/habit.htm

answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/786165.html

www.healthy-exchange.com/online_library/daily%20activities%20to%20help%20change%20habits.htm

www.aristotle.co.nz/library/series.aspx?seriesId=61

www.cbn.com/communitypublic/postoffice/21dayhabit.aspx

Elya K,

You are SO right!!!!

besides, as the Gemara (In the beginning of Avoda Zara and other places) says, a person is supposed to have a little bit (shminis d'shminis) of Ga'avah, or he wouldnt be able to serve Hashem properly.

People, let's apply the good Ga'avah to overcoming this struggle. tell yourself: " I am  a very important  person, it is beneath my dignity to masturbate" or similar things!

Chazak V'Ematz!

One of the previous Karlin Rebbes once said that when a Jew wants to serve Hashem he should feel broken hearted that he hasn't even started to serve Hashem as is worthy of such a great and awesome G-d. However, when he goes into the street, he should arouse his pride, and remember that he is a ben-melech and that it isn't appropriate for him to be pulled after the lowly desires of this world.

So a Jew needs to use humility AND haughtiness, but both - for the service of Hashem! (As the Pasuk says "Vayigbah Libo Bedarkei Hashem" about one of the kings of Klal Yisrael).

dear guard, wow! i just looked at some of those links for breaking a habit in 21 days! well, the therapist said it took 90 to make new brain nuerons, but 21 must be something also. oddly enough, one of those links wouldn't show up on the library's computer because of inappropriate content! but i'm really moved that you did that for me! and thanks for the tips on the diffeence between 'good' gaavah and 'bad' gaavah - sort of like the difference between bad cholestorol and good cholestorol! and i was shocked to learn that rabbi twersky had issues with self-esteem and even posted it on the net! that's inspiring - he wasn't embarrassed to show the world his issues so they could learn from him. he's truly a great man.
love all of you ---- jack (when moshiach comes, we will all meet each other and we will find out who we helped in this greatest of all struggles). if we beat this one, we can beat the smaller ones - if you're attacked in the street by 5 guys, you take out the biggest one first (if you can) , and the other ones scatter - this one is the biggest one - take care of this one, and the other ones are a cinch!

- Yes. This "vort" above about "good Gavah" and "bad gavah" is in line with the Ba'al Shem Tov's teachings that every Midah needs to be used for Kedushah. This is especially important for us here to understand, i.e. to learn to transform our lust of flesh and blood to lust for Hashem... And the Ba'al Shem Tov also explains how the "love" we feel for forbidden things is actually "fallen" love of Hashem. And the same with every bad Midah. They were all created with a purpose and they are all rooted in the upper worlds and come from places of holiness. Yet, they have fallen to the Klippos and it is our job to uplift them and use them for Kedusha and return them to their source, Hashem!

- I have a strong "whitelist" filter, so although I can make a search in Google, I can't access the sites themselves. Sorry about the inappropriate link - B"H for the library filter :-) . Which link was it? I'll remove it from the post...

- Yes, that's an amazing talk by Rabbi Twerski. Did you get a chance to hear the whole thing? If not now, it's worth listening till the end some other time...

- Rabbi Twerski is an amazing man. Actually, I am in touch with him about our work and he is very happy with the direction we are going. He wants to even contribute some material to the site... I consider him to be kind-of the "spiritual father" of our site.

21 days to make a new habit stick.
90 days to fix the neurons in your brain from years of looking
at that stuff.

It's kind of like levels. 7 days, 30 days, a year for different levels of Shiva. I don't know what
that has to do with anything but it came into my mind.

Elya, you said you would ask Michelle or Zeva the source of the 90 day study... I would like to put it up on my site...

jack,

You're almost up to two million seconds of mutilating the horrific murderous menuval. That's two million victories. Kesivah Vachsima Tova,
KEEP GOING STRONG!!!!

dear all, in today's yom, it says 'Hashem knows the thoughts of man that they are HEVEL. this brought to mind a beautiful vort on koheles. it says there that everything is hevel.why is it important for us to know this? because we have to look at the things that Hashem made forbidden to us - that they are hevel.in other words, don't feel so bad that they are forbidden to you, because they are hevel anyway.if hashem didn't let you have something that was really wonderful, that would be a reason to complain. but He didn't do that. He only made osur to us things that are really bad for us, so dont feel bad about this and dont complain!
by the way, have all of you gotten on that weekly phone call yet? have you spoken with elya k. yet? if not, what are you waiting for? you can't do this by yourself - it's too hard. you need caring fellow Jews who are willing to listen to you, understand you, and are willing to go out of their way to help you - like elya k and guard. so get on that phone and start the healing!
today is day #22. jack

Just to add a point about the good gavah, I once heard that Rabbi Tzadduk Hakohen writes (I don't remember the exact phrase)

"כשם שחייב אדם להאמין בהקב"ה כך חייב אדם להאמין בעצמו"

"Just like one has an obligation to believe in Hashem, so must one believe in himself”.

A person has to know his value. We all know that everything we do has an effect on this world and in the world to come. Someone told me that on 9/10/01 he was motzie zera levatala 3 times and he was in middle of doing the fourth time when his yetzer tov was gover and he managed to make a short stop mid way. The next day he was crying like a baby. “Who knows if I wasn’t the one to cause thousands to be killed on 9/11?” he told me. I say “Who knows how many have been spared for not finishing up the fourth time?” Friends! Klal Yisroel needs us! Let’s keep up the good work for the sake of another Yid, for the sake of our children, for the sake of Hashem.

wow - another day almost gone. i can't believe myself.this is the longest i've EVER gone. this has been the most introspective elul i've ever spent. and it's all because i 'came across' this website in an advertisement on theyeshivaworld.com. dont think this is easy guys - ok, it's not as hard as the first day when i called elya and was screaming my head off. i haven't done that since then. but it's still a fight. elya told me that he almost doesn't think about it anymore - now this is something i am really looking forward to. i'm going to have all of you in my thoughts this rosh hashanah during musaf, wishing you all the rewards you deserve for doing a real big mitzvah, helping a fellow Jew who is drowning. this is a d'oraisa guys - not a small thing! love you all, jack

Jack, you are such an inspiration to me, and to everyone else here as well.  Keep up the good work, and don't let the Yetzer Hara convince you that since you did so well for so long, you earned yourself a quickie!

NO! NO! NO!

That is a big trick of his that works so well with so many people, but not with YOU Jack! NOT WITH YOU!

Chazak V'Ematz!

jack,

We love you so much. Just keep going. Every consecutive day is exponentially greater, each day makes you stronger. But it also could cause the sickening devious menuval to panic and start acting like a maniac. LEMAAN HASHEM DON'T PITY HIM, NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!!!!!
snax,
Thats tremendous.
GUE,
I'm waiting for the wall of honor.