dear all, some thoughts after almost 3 years in the 'struggle': of course it's so much easier than it was when i started.those first 90 days were the hardest - but they accomplished much.in the beginning - don't think - just do.later on, you can think. any therapy is this way - the therapy can not begin to work unless you're clean.as for now, almost 3 years later, i'm still struggling, but i know that a 38 year habit dies hard.ther are days when i wake up and i feel i still miss it, and then there are days when i wake up and i feel great, like a free man.on those days, i feel strong.i'm waiting for the time when the days i feel great are more numerous than the days when i feel weak.it might take 35 more years! but you know, we Jews have been known to have patience.so i just keep pushing, keep in touch with people in my neighborhood who are like me, and day-to-day just keep going. whenever i see these people in shul, i get a little more chizuk.and whenever i see them i have a mini-meeting with them.how's everybody doin'?
jack

I'm on day 15 now....thank you for the reminder not to think! Just do! I have to tell myself that over and over, but I know it comes through when it comes from someone who has experienced and achieved so much.

dear iamadam,
now,even though i dont do the 12 steps, i think step 12 is absolutely ingenious.it says you must pass on the message to others.i think one reason for this is that the one passing on the message gets chizuk in return from the one receiving the message.like you just did. yes, i, too, still need chizuk.so your response to me helps me continue going forward. i wonder if i'll ever be at the stage when i won't need chizuk, but do it all on my own? nah, can't be. G-d created us to need each other - that's called am yisrael.
jack

jack wrote on 18 May 2011 14:31:


We always need chizzuk.

In looking at my history with this form, my weakest moments were when I forgot to keep in touch with others.  I thought about my last fall, after 7 months clean (Before I joined this forum I was acting out about once a week), and what I was missing most was I had started trying to recover ON MY OWN.

--Eye.

Reb Eye! You are beautiful. Alei vhatzlach!

what am i up to these days? constant diversions.every second another diversion.sometimes breathing, sometimes exercise, sometimes learning, sometimes reading, sometimes thinking about something else, taking my mind off 'it' all day long.until i go to sleep.a lot of work, it is, a lot of work.but worth it.yes, worth it.those people on the screen are NOT our friends.they couldn't care less about you and your families, and your beautiful jewish children.they couldn't care less about your reputation in the community.as long as you pay to see them - that's all they care about.your real friends are right here.your fellow GYE'ers care about you, and they care about your families, and your wife and your children.so who would you rather be close with?

jack

the rewards - i'm not talking about the rewrdsa in heaven - no eye has seen them - i'm talking about the rewards on this earth, in this life, for ourselves, from abstaining.
1 - happiness;2 - freedom;3- strength;4-no time-wasting and maybe some others. these dont come right away - in the beginning, it's rough,no rewards, but as time goes on, the rewards become, slowly, more apparent.they come slow, they're not physical.only physical rewards come fast, and then they are gone.
jack

sometimes i feel good being clean, and that feeling can last an hour or more.then, something happens - a thought comes into my head that i feel terrible being clean.like a roller coaster.how does one ride a roller coaster? when the high parts come, grab on tight, and ride it out, let it pass, and enjoy the rest of the ride.let the thought come, and it's bothersome, just like your boss, and at 5 pm you can go home and forget about the boss,so too with this.as the thought comes in, dont fight it,just ride out the storm.of course, as i always say, i can't tell anyone what to do.just offering what works for me.hopefully it will help someone out there.

jack

"It's 5 o'Clock somewhere"

                                  - Jimmy Buffet

dear all, until 120, i'm approaching my 3-year anniversary in 'the struggle'. i can't say i'm perfect, and i've slipped along the way.but only about 5 times in the whole 3 years.what a difference from before i started! that's how i look at it - how far did i come, rather than 'am i perfect'.the strong urges to visit the movies are no longer present - and it really doesn't matter that i'm over 50.when i was there i saw some dirtly old men hanging around.but a 38 year old habit takes time to break, i'm not using this as an excuse, but it's the absolute truth.
progress is not a straight line up-it has peaks and valleys.
so, thanks again for all you've done for me, and thousands like me.

jack

mazel tov Jack, till 120 in good health and cheer!

Mazal Tov, Chaver!

you mean you guys are not disappointed in me that i'm not perfect?

Jack. You are the real thing, sir. Nice 'knowing' you. I'd really like to meet you one of these days. KOT

dov - you give me chizuk, man! we all need chizuk. even Reuvein, who would have brought yosef back to his father on his shoulders had he known what the Torah would write about him.
now dov, you might know i'm a batlan.so please tell me what  does KOT mean? i dont do texting - so i dont know the abbrvtns.